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323154890
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"Kids Say the Darndest Things" Excerpt, n.d. [OA 8130]
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323154890
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document
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"Kids Say the Darndest Things" Excerpt, n.d. [OA 8130]
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13890-032
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Records of the White House Office of Speechwriting (George H. W. Bush Administration)
Curt Smith Chronological Files
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Originally Processed With FOIA(s):
FOIA Number:
S
FOIA
MARKER
This is not a textual record. This is used as an
administrative marker by the George Bush Presidential
Library Staff.
Record Group/Collection:
George H.W. Bush Presidential Records
Collection/Office of Origin:
Speechwriting, White House Office of
Series:
Smith, Curt, Files
Subseries:
Chron File, 1989-1992
OA/ID Number:
13890
Folder ID Number:
13890-032
Folder Title:
Kids Say the Darndest Things Excerpt, [n.d.]
Stack:
Row:
Section:
Shelf:
Position:
G
18
29
1
6
KIDS STILL SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS!
HEAVENLY DAZE
55
54
"Mr. Linkletter, are they watching us in heaven on tv?"
thorough education in the meaning and importance of re-
"Why do you ask that?"
ligion.
"Because I want God to hear us."
The younger a child is, the merrier his confusion over the-
"Well, I'm sure He's listening, so you go right ahead and
ology seems to be. The difference between the earthly and the
tell Him what you want to."
saintly baffles many a tiny Sunday Schooler, who finds it just
"Could he come down on Saturday night for chicken din-
as easy to believe in the Easter Bunny as John the Baptist.
ner?"
"What's your favorite Bible story?"
There was laughter from the grownups at the idea of Our
"Humpty Dumpty."
Lord sitting down to a roast chicken supper with the girl's
"How does it go?"
family, but it was gentle laughter, for their hearts were
touched.
Six-year-old Jackie told me his favorite Bible story:
"The one where Jesus died for all our sins."
"Why do you like that one?"
"Because I sin all the time."
"You do? How?"
He regarded me sadly and confessed:
"I'm a
cookie stealer."
We Linkletters have always been great believers in Sunday
School. Every one of our five little Links has attended regu-
larly, all the way through high school. After high school we
"There was this egg that fell off the wall and he prayed, but
felt they were old enough to decide for themselves where and
even Heaven couldn't put him back together again."
when they would attend church.
"Are you sure that's in the Bible?"
We never insisted on any particular church, because we
"Sure! It's right after Little Bo-Peep!"
found through the years that certain Sunday Schools would
be more attractive to the youngsters, due to the gold stars they
gave, the picnics or games they organized, or the availability
Seven-year-old Benny was bouncing up and down with
of boy friends and girl friends for after-hours fun. What we
excitement as he told me his favorite Bible story about
David and Goliath:
did insist on was regular attendance, so they would have a
m
56
KIDS STILL SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS!
HEAVENLY DAZE
57
"David went to the brook and got seven pebbles, and he
way a Sunday School operates than the church officials
put one in his slingshot. Then you know what? He whirled
might suspect.
it around and around his head and threw it and hit this
"George, what do you want to be?"
great big giant right between the eyes-and the giant fell
"A Sunday School teacher."
down dead!"
"Why?"
"What does that story teach us?" I asked.
"Because you only work one day a week!"
He sat there thinking for a moment, and then said,
"Duck!"
Church music comes in for its share of misinterpretation,
too. Small voices are often singing lustily along with words
that might startle the congregation if they were clearly heard.
Here's a moral-with-a-twist to the story of Noah and
I asked a five-year-old what her favorite Sunday School hymn
his sea-going menagerie. I asked a five-year-old what Noah
wás, and she cheerfully replied: "Jesus, wash my skin away."
did, and he said:
She reminded me of the boy who came home from a church
"He took all the married animals on a boat and left the
picnic, and said they'd sung a picnic song called "We Can
bachelors behind."
Sing, though Full We Be." His parents learned later that the
hymn was actually "Weak and Sinful though We Be."
NOAH'S ARK
You've heard of the King James Version, the Revised
Standard Version, and all the others of the Bible. There must
also be a Suburban Version, judging from one girl's ideas
about life in the Garden of Eden.
"What does that story teach us?"
"What story do you like best?"
"Always be married-and you won't be left behind on a
"Adam and Eve."
boat ride."
we
in
Fairs.
"What happened to them?"
moring
"They were bad and God sentenced them to work."
"He did? What kind of work?"
The youngsters sometimes have a different outlook on the
"They had to clean the swimming pool every day."
58
KIDS STILL SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS!
HEAVENLY DAZE
59
A seven-year-old miss was also fond of the Adam and Eve
story, so I asked her:
"What did Eve do?"
BLAH!
"She ate the poison apple and God threw her out of
heaven."
"Then what?"
"She went to the hospital and had two children named Cain
and Mabel."
And here's a new way to look at Adam's fall from grace,
as seen through the eyes of a cautious seven-year-old boy.
I asked him:
"What does the story of Adam and Eve teach you?"
"People make whales sick."
"If a naughty girl tempts you to do something bad," he
said, "don't do it while God is watching!"
"What's your favorite story?"
"Jonah inside the whale."
"What does that story teach us?"
Heaven sounded so good to one boy that he revealed he'd
"If you're ever swallowed by a whale, build a fire and stay
decided to become a preacher.
warm until the whale sneezes, then you'll be out."
"What kind of preacher?" I asked.
(Something tells me that boy knows his Disney better than
"A Baptist one."
his Good Book.)
"Why a Baptist?"
"Cause I want to make sure I get into heaven."
If there's such a thing as a Biblical shaggy dog story, I
"What makes you so sure that Baptists get into heaven?"
think I heard one from a mixed-up five-year-old.
"Because St. Peter is one-and he's right there at the gate!"
"Do you have a favorite Bible story?"
"Uh huh. Noah and his Ark."
"Who was Noah?"
Sunday Schoolers are utterly fascinated by the story of
"A fellow who owned a dog."
Jonah's adventures with the whale, and they fascinate me
"What do you mean?"
when Jonah floats into the conversation.
"Well, that's the story-Noah and his Ark."
"So your favorite story is Jonah and the Whale. What
"You mean you think the Ark is a dog?"
does that story teach us?"
"No. It's the sound his doggie makes."
60
KIDS STILL SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS!
HEAVENLY DAZE
61
All of us have our own ideas about what Heaven might be
"I just throw the ball up in the air-and God throws it back
like. I suppose most people envision it as the artists of the
to me."
Middle Ages have taught us-a place of immense splendor
with pearly gates and complete with immense groups of winged
angels in white robes.
Seven-year-old Sally had her own ideas when I asked her
what heaven was like. She told me the following very succinct
definition of heaven:
BUTTER FINGERS!
"It's a great big round gold dome with three lines of people
waiting to get in-Catholics, Lutherans and Americans."
Here is a down-to-earth sermon from a seven-year-old.
I asked him:
"What did God do?"
"He invented the world, and houses, and wood, and rocks,
and steel, and spiders, and food-"
"Wait a minute. What if we had no God?"
He looked at me thoughtfully and said:
"We'd be in a mess."
Earlier in this chapter, we met the charming little girl who
wanted God to come down for chicken dinner. I'd like to tell
you one more of my favorites, showing how close a child can
feel to his Maker:
A little boy ran into the house and told his mother, "I've
just been outside playing ball with God."
"That's ridiculous," his mother said. "You shouldn't say
such things."
"But I did too play ball with God," the boy said.
"How could you do that?"
Lfail