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Originally Processed With FOIA(s):
FOIA Number:
S
FOIA
MARKER
This is not a textual record. This is used as an
administrative marker by the George Bush Presidential
Library Staff.
Record Group/Collection:
George H.W. Bush Presidential Records
Collection/Office of Origin:
Speechwriting, White House Office of
Series:
Speech File Draft Files
Subseries:
Chron File, 1989-1993
OA/ID Number:
13474
Folder ID Number:
13474-004
Folder Title:
Alfalfa Dinner, 1/28/89
Stack:
Row:
Section:
Shelf:
Position:
G
25
6
1
1
PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS FOR THE ALFALFA DINNER
CAPITOL HILTON
SATURDAY, JANUARY 28, 1989
THIS IS A NIGHT FOR NOSTALGIA. IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY
YESTERDAY THAT A GROUP OF YOUNGER MEMBERS OF THIS CLUB
ALL OF THEM WERE UNDER SEVENTY AS I RECALL
...
ASKED
ME TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT ON THE ALFALFA TICKET.
I WAS A YOUNG BUSINESSMAN
ABOUT TO MAKE MY FIRST
KILLING
...
INVESTING IN A COMPANY THAT BOTTLED BOSTON
HARBOR MINERAL WATER. OBVIOUSLY, I WAS ALFALFA MATERIAL.
2
AND THIS YEAR, IN JUDGE HOWELL HEFLIN, YOU HAVE PERHAPS
THE QUINTESSENTIAL ALFALFA CANDIDATE. A MAN WHO CARES
NEITHER ABOUT COMPETENCE NOR IDEOLOGY. HOWELL, I'M
FRANKLY SURPRISED YOU WOULD SAY THOSE DIGS ABOUT ME.
HAVE YOU BEEN SNACKING ON FERMENTED GRITS?
As A CANDIDATE, HOWELL HAS AT LEAST ONE THING GOING
IN HIS FAVOR. HE CANNOT FIT INTO A TANK. HOWELL'S
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN WILL BE "READ MY HIPS." ENOUGH ABOUT OUR
3
SORRY TICKET, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I'M DOING OVER AT THE
WHITE HOUSE.
I CHOSE AS CHIEF OF STAFF JOHN SUNUNU. I WAS
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHOSE NAME RHYMED WITH DEEP DOO DOO.
I HAVE A BRAND NEW LIMO ... TWENTY-TWO FOOT LONG
LINCOLN
... IN HOUSTON CALL THAT A MOSBACHER MAZDA.
4
SOMETIMES WE FORGET
...
TO TAKE CHEAP SHOTS AT OUR
OUTGOING PRESIDENT AND OUR INCOMING PRESIDENT.
LLOYD AND ALAN PROVIDE AN INTERESTING CONTRAST.
BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S VERSUS DINNER AT DENNY'S.
SENATOR SIMPSON DOES REMIND YOU OF A LINCOLNESQUE
FIGURE. THAT IS, IF THE GREAT EMANCIPATOR HAD BEEN ON A
THREE DAY TooT.
5
ALAN IS KIND OF A SEEDY Roy ROGERS. HIS BODY LOOKS
LIKE SOMETHING RUBE GOLDBERG WOULD DREAM ABOUT AFTER RUBE
SCARFED UP A BOWL OF PORK RINDS.
WE'RE ALL STILL WINDING DOWN FROM LAST SATURDAY'S
INAUGURAL FESTIVITIES. I ATTENDED MAYBE THE WILDEST
EVENT OF INAUGURAL WEEK
...
THE RHYTHM AND BLUES CONCERT.
WHEN I CLIMBED UP ON STAGE WITH A GUITAR, MAKING
DUCK-BILL FACES, MY KIDS WERE MORTIFIED. THEY SAID,
6
"DAD, WHY CAN'T YOU BE A SENSIBLE PRESIDENT
...
LIKE SAY
GRANT?
...
HE ONLY DRANK."
SEVERAL YEARS AGO, AS THE LAST SPEECH AT THE END OF
A MARVELOUSLY ENTERTAINING, BUT FAIRLY LENGTHY ALFALFA
EVENING, I TOLD MY DAD'S ADVICE: "GEORGE, IF YOU EVER
RISE so HIGH OR SINK so LOW AS TO END AN ALFALFA EVENING,
SIMPLY SAY THANK YOU AND SIT DOWN."
7
BUT JUST A WORD MORE
HAVING FAILED AS YOUR
CANDIDATE, SOMEHOW, WITH THE HELP OF MANY RIGHT HERE IN
THIS ROOM, I GOT TO BE PRESIDENT ANYWAY.
WE'RE DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS WITH DIFFERENT
APPROACHES
BUT REALLY THE SAME GOALS. WE SALUTE THE
SAME FLAG
SACRIFICE TO GAIN A BETTER LIFE FOR OUR
KIDS AND COMFORT FOR OUR AGING PARENTS.
8
WE SEEM TO KNOW THAT KINDNESS IS NOT A SIGN OF
WEAKNESS, BUT RATHER STRENGTH. IT'S TRUE OF INDIVIDUALS
AND OF NATIONS
...
You DON'T HAVE TO SWAGGER TO BE
STRONG.
AMERICANS' HEARTS ARE WARM AND ALSO BIG. AMERICANS
FEEL DEEPLY AND ACT ON THOSE FEELINGS. WHETHER IT'S
RESCUING STRANDED WHALES IN ALASKA, TENS OF THOUSANDS
BURIED UNDER THE RUBBLE IN ARMENIA, OR ONE LITTLE GIRL
STUCK DOWN IN A WELL IN MIDLAND, TEXAS.
9
I CAN SAY IT'S BEEN QUITE A WEEK FOR BARBARA AND ME.
AND IT DOESN'T HURT OUR COUNTRY EITHER TO HAVE THOSE
GENEROUS SPIRITS OUT THERE
...
AT LEAST AWHILE
...
THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE GIVING THE NEW GUY A CHANCE.
IF THIS CONTINUES
...
WHO KNOWS
...
THE NEXT TIME
THEY PLAY "HAIL TO THE CHIEF" PRESIDENT HEFLIN MIGHT WALK
IN.
# # #
THE PRESIDENT HAS SEEN 1/28/89
Siller
1-27-89
6:00 pm
Proposed Presidential Remarks: For the Alfalfa Dinner
Saturday, January 28, 1989
This is a night for nostalgia. It seems like only yesterday
that a group of younger members of this club
all of them
were under seventy as I recall
asked me to run for
President on the Alfalfa ticket.
I was a young businessman
about to make my first
Boston Haubon
killing
investing in a company that bollas bettles mineral water,
from Boston Harbor. Obviously, I was Alfalfa material. And this
year, in Judge Howell Heflin, you have perhaps the quintessential
Alfalfa candidate. A man who cares neither about competence nor
ideology. Howell, I'm frankly surprised you would say those digs
about me. Have you been snacking on fermented grits?
leave as was
will void a pitfall that befoll and
As a candidate, Howell has at least one thing going in his
candidate.
favor. He cannot fit into a A tank. Howell's campaign slogan will
be "Read my Hips"
Enough about our sorry ticket, let me tell
you what I'm doing over at the White House.
I chose as Chief of Staff John Sununu. I was looking for
someone whose name rhymed with deep doo doo.
I have a brand new limo
twenty-two feet long Lincoln
in Houston call that a Mosbacher Mazda.
Twenty-two feet long. You can park it in over three zip
codes.
Our dog is pregnant. Now she's experiencing morning
sickness. I know the feeling. I read "Doonesbury". It's always
easy to take cheap shots at the nominee. But sometimes we forget
to take cheap shots at our outgoing president and our
incoming president.
Lloyd and Alan provide an interesting contrast. Breakfast
at Tiffany's versus Dinner at Denny S. (Dom Perignon versus
Frank Bartles.)
senator
does
Then there's Alan Simpson
who especially remind you
of a Lincolnesque figure. That is, if the Great Emancipator had
been on a three day toot.
Alan's from Wyoming, where he spent
his formative years working on a ranch as a cowpunch. He claims
the COWS had insulted his sister.
Alan is kind of a seedy Roy Rogers. His body looks like
something Rube Goldberg would dream about after Rube scarfed up a
bowl of pork rinds.
We're all still winding down from last Saturday's Inaugural
Festivities. I attended maybe the wildest event of Inaugural
Week
...
the Rhythm and Blues Concert. When I climbed up on
stage with guitar, making duck-bill faces, my kids were
3
mortified. They said, "Dad, why can't you be a sensible
President
like say Grant?
...
He only drank."
Several years ago, as the last speech at the end of a
marvelously entertaining, but fairly lengthy Alfalfa evening, I
"Gcorge,
told my Dad's advice: "If you ever rise so high or sink so low
as to end an Alfalfa evening, simply say thank you and sit down".
But just a word more
Having failed as your candidate,
somehow, with the help of many right here in this room, I got to
be President anyway.
I've been in the job a week and I have marvelled how the
American people are willing to give a new President a chance.
We're Democrats and Republicans with different approaches
but really the same goals. We salute the same flag
...
sacrifice to gain a better life for our kids and comfort for our
aging parents.
4
We seem to know that kindness is not a sign of weakness, but
rather strength. It's true of individuals and of nations. You
don't have to swagger to be strong.
Americans' hearts are warm and also big. Americans feel
deeply and act on those feelings. Whether it's rescuing stranded
whales in Alaska, tens of thousands buried under the rubble in
Armemia, or one little girl stuck down a well in Midland, Texas.
This kindness spills over into politics at Inauguration
time.
With all respect to our able candidate Howell Heflin, We
Alfalfans may never know whether America's generosity and
goodness of spirit would extend to someone who runs on Alfalfa's
ticket and wins. But I can say it's been quite a week for
Barbara and me. And it doesn't hurt our country either to have
those generous spirits out there
at least awhile
the
American people giving the new guy a chance.
If this continues
who knows
the next time they play.
"Hail to the Chief" President Heflin might walk in.
####
PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS FOR THE ALFALFA DINNER
CAPITOL HILTON
SATURDAY, JANUARY 28, 1989
THIS IS A NIGHT FOR NOSTALGIA. IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY
THAT A GROUP OF YOUNGER MEMBERS OF THIS CLUB
ALL OF THEM WERE
UNDER SEVENTY AS I RECALL
...
ASKED ME TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT ON
THE ALFALFA TICKET.
I WAS A YOUNG BUSINESSMAN
ABOUT TO MAKE MY FIRST KILLING
INVESTING IN A COMPANY THAT BOTTLED BOSTON HARBOR MINERAL
WATER. OBVIOUSLY, I WAS ALFALFA MATERIAL. AND THIS YEAR, IN
JUDGE HOWELL HEFLIN, YOU HAVE PERHAPS THE QUINTESSENTIAL ALFALFA
CANDIDATE. A MAN WHO CARES NEITHER ABOUT COMPETENCE NOR
IDEOLOGY. HOWELL, I'M FRANKLY SURPRISED YOU WOULD SAY THOSE DIGS
ABOUT ME. How YOU BEEN SNACKING ON FERMENTED GRITS?
As A CANDIDATE, HOWELL HAS AT LEAST ONE THING GOING IN HIS
FAVOR. HE CANNOT FIT INTO A TANK. HOWELL'S CAMPAIGN SLOGAN WILL
BE "READ MY HIPS." ENOUGH ABOUT OUR SORRY TICKET, LET ME TELL
YOU WHAT I'M DOING OVER AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
I CHOSE AS CHIEF OF STAFF JOHN SUNUNU. I WAS LOOKING FOR
SOMEONE WHOSE NAME RHYMED WITH DEEP DOO DOO.
I HAVE A BRAND NEW LIMO ... TWENTY-TWO FOOT LONG LINCOLN
IN HOUSTON CALL THAT A MOSBACHER MAZDA.
SOMETIMES WE FORGET
TO TAKE CHEAP SHOTS AT OUR OUTGOING
PRESIDENT AND OUR INCOMING PRESIDENT.
LLOYD AND ALAN PROVIDE AN INTERESTING CONTRAST. BREAKFAST
AT TIFFANY'S VERSUS DINNER AT DENNY'S.
SENATOR SIMPSON DOES REMIND YOU OF A LINCOLNESQUE FIGURE.
THAT IS, IF THE GREAT EMANCIPATOR HAD BEEN ON A THREE DAY TooT.
ALAN IS KIND OF A SEEDY Roy ROGERS. HIS BODY LOOKS LIKE
SOMETHING RUBE GOLDBERG WOULD DREAM ABOUT AFTER RUBE SCARFED UP A
BOWL OF PORK RINDS.
WE'RE ALL STILL WINDING DOWN FROM LAST SATURDAY'S INAUGURAL
FESTIVITIES. I ATTENDED MAYBE THE WILDEST EVENT OF INAUGURAL
WEEK
THE RHYTHM AND BLUES CONCERT. WHEN I CLIMBED UP ON
STAGE WITH A GUITAR, MAKING DUCK-BILL FACES, MY KIDS WERE
MORTIFIED. THEY SAID, "DAD, WHY CAN'T YOU BE A SENSIBLE
PRESIDENT
LIKE SAY GRANT?
HE ONLY DRANK.
SEVERAL YEARS AGO, AS THE LAST SPEECH AT THE END OF A
MARVELOUSLY ENTERTAINING, BUT FAIRLY LENGTHY ALFALFA EVENING, I
Draft15:35pm
DRAFT
Sillez
1-27-89
4:30 pm
Proposed Presidential Remarks: For the Alfalfa Dinner
Saturday, January 28, 1989
This is a night for nostalgia. It seems like only yesterday
that a group of younger members of this club
all of them
were under seventy as I recall
asked me to run for
President on the Alfalfa ticket.
I was a young businessman
about to make my first
killing
investing in a company that bottles mineral water
from Boston Harbor. Obviously, I was Alfalfa material. And this
year in Judge Howell Heflin you have perhaps the quintessential
alfalfa candidate. A man who cares neither about competence nor
ideology. Howell, I'm frankly surprised you would say those digs
about me.
Have you been snacking on fermented grits?
As a candidate, Howell has at least one thing going in his
favor. He cannot fit into a tank. Howell's campaign slogan will
be "Read my Hips"
Enough about our sorry ticket, let me tell
you ehat I'm doing over at the White House.
I chose as Chief of Staff John Sununu. I was looking for
someone whose name rhymed with deep doo doo.
I have a brand new limo
twenty-two feet long Lincoln
in Houston well call that a Mosbacher Mazda.
Twenty-two feet long. You can park it in over three zip
codes.
Our dog is pregnant. Now she's experiencing morning
sickness. I know the feeling. I read "Doonesbury". It's always
easy to take cheap shots at the nominee. But sometimes we forget
to take cheap shots at our outgoing president and our
incoming president.
Lloyd Bentsen was this year's Democratic vice-presidential
nominee. Wise career move, Lloyd. You also opened a Waterford
Crystal showroom located adjacent to the Libyan perfume factory.
Then there's Alan Simpson
who especially reminds you
of a Lincolnesque figure. That is, if the Great Emancipator had
been on a three day toot. Alan's from Wyoming, where he spent
his formative years working on a ranch as a cowpunch. He claims
the COWS had insulted his sister.
Alan is kind of a seedy Roy Rogers. His body looks like
something Rube Goldberg would dream about after Rube scarfed up a
bowl of pork rinds.
Lloyd and Alan provide an interesting contrast. Breakfast
at Tiffany's versus Dinner at Denny's. (Dom Perignon versus
Frank Bartles.)
Were all still winding down from last Saturday Inaugural
Festivities. I attended maybe the wildest event of Inaugural
Week
the Rhythm and Blues Concert. When I climbed up on
stage with guitar, making duck-bill faces, my kids were
mortified. They said, "Dad, why can't you be a sensible
President
like say Grant?
He only drank. "
Several years ago, as the last speech at the end of a
marvelously entertaining, but fairly lengthy Alfalfa evening, I
told my Dad's advice: "If you ever rise so high or sink so low
as to end an Alfalfa evening, simply say Thank you and sit down".
But just a word more
Having failed as your candidate,
somehow, with the help of many right here in this room, I got to
be President anyway.
I've been in the job a week and I have marvelled how the
American people are willing to give a new President a chance.
We're Democrats and Republicans with different approaches
but really the same goals. We salute the same flag
sacrifice to gain a better life for our kids and comfort for our
aging parents.
We seem to know that kindness is not a sign of weakness, but
rather strength. It's true of individuals and of nations. You
don't have to swagger to be strong.
Americans' hearts are warm and also big. Americans feel
deeply and act on those feelings. Whether it's rescuing stranded
whales in Alaska, tens of thousands buried under the rubble in
Armemia, or one little girl stuck down a well in Midland, Texas.
This kindness spills over into politics at Inauguration
time.
With all respect to our able candidate Howell Heflin, we
Alfalfans may never know whether America's generosity and
goodness of spirit would extend to someone who runs on Alfalfa's
ticket and wins. But I can say it's been quite a week for
Barbara and me. And it doesn't hurt our country either to have
those generous spirits out there
at least awhile
the
American people giving the new guy a chance.
If this continues
who knows
the next time they
"Hail to the Chief" President Heflin might walk in.
####
Draft 2 6:00pm
DRAFT #2
Siller
1-27-89
4:30 pm
Proposed Presidential Remarks: For the Alfalfa Dinner
Saturday, January 28, 1989
This is a night for nostalgia. It seems like only yesterday
that a group of younger members of this club
all of them
were under seventy as I recall
asked me to run for
President on the Alfalfa ticket.
I was a young businessman
about to make my first
killing
investing in a company that bottles mineral water
from Boston Harbor. Obviously, I was Alfalfa material. And this
year, in Judge Howell Heflin, you have perhaps the quintessential
Alfalfa candidate. A man who cares neither about competence nor
ideology. Howell, I'm frankly surprised you would say those digs
about me. Have you been snacking on fermented grits?
As a candidate, Howell has at least one thing going in his
favor. He cannot fit into a tank. Howell's campaign slogan will
be "Read my Hips"
Enough about our sorry ticket, let me tell
you what I'm doing over at the White House.
2
I chose as Chief of Staff John Sununu. I was looking for
someone whose name rhymed with deep doo doo.
I have a brand new limo
twenty-two feet long Lincoln
in Houston call that a Mosbacher Mazda.
Twenty-two feet long. You can park it in over three zip
codes.
Our dog is pregnant. Now she's experiencing morning
sickness. I know the feeling. I read "Doonesbury". It's always
easy to take cheap shots at the nominee. But sometimes we forget
to take cheap shots at our outgoing president and our
incoming president.
Lloyd Bentsen was this year's Democratic vice-presidential
nominee. Wise career move, Lloyd. You also opened a Waterford
Crystal showroom located adjacent to the Libyan perfume factory.
Then there's Alan Simpson
who especially reminds you
of a Lincolnesque figure. That is, if the Great Emancipator had
been on a three day toot. Alan's from Wyoming, where he spent
his formative years working on a ranch as a cowpunch. He claims
the COWS had insulted his sister.
3
Alan is kind of a seedy Roy Rogers. His body looks like
something Rube Goldberg would dream about after Rube scarfed up a
bowl of pork rinds.
Lloyd and Alan provide an interesting contrast. Breakfast
at Tiffany's versus Dinner at Denny S. (Dom Perignon versus
Frank Bartles.)
We're all still winding down from last Saturday's Inaugural
Festivities. I attended maybe the wildest event of Inaugural
Week
the Rhythm and Blues Concert. When I climbed up on
stage with guitar, making duck-bill faces, my kids were
mortified. They said, "Dad, why can't you be a sensible
President
like say Grant?
He only drank. "
Several years ago, as the last speech at the end of a
marvelously entertaining, but fairly lengthy Alfalfa evening, I
told my Dad's advice: "If you ever rise so high or sink so low
as to end an Alfalfa evening, simply say thank you and sit down".
But just a word more
Having failed as your candidate,
somehow, with the help of many right here in this room, I got to
be President anyway.
I've been in the job a week and I have marvelled how the
American people are willing to give a new President a chance.
4
We're Democrats and Republicans with different approaches
but really the same goals. We salute the same flag
sacrifice to gain a better life for our kids and comfort for our
aging parents.
We seem to know that kindness is not a sign of weakness, but
rather strength. It's true of individuals and of nations. You
don't have to swagger to be strong.
Americans' hearts are warm and also big. Americans feel
deeply and act on those feelings. Whether it's rescuing stranded
whales in Alaska, tens of thousands buried under the rubble in
Armemia, or one little girl stuck down a well in Midland, Texas.
This kindness spills over into politics at Inauguration
time.
With all respect to our able candidate Howell Heflin, we
Alfalfans may never know whether America's generosity and
goodness of spirit would extend to someone who runs on Alfalfa's
ticket and wins. But I can say it's been quite a week for
Barbara and me. And it doesn't hurt our country either to have
those generous spirits out there
at least awhile
the
American people giving the new guy a chance.
If this continues
who knows
the next time they
"Hail to the Chief" President Heflin might walk in.
PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS FOR THE ALFALFA DINNER
CAPITOL HILTON
SATURDAY, JANUARY 28, 1989
THIS IS A NIGHT FOR NOSTALGIA. IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY
YESTERDAY THAT A GROUP OF YOUNGER MEMBERS OF THIS CLUB
ALL OF THEM WERE UNDER SEVENTY AS I RECALL
...
ASKED
ME TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT ON THE ALFALFA TICKET.
I WAS A YOUNG BUSINESSMAN ... ABOUT TO MAKE MY FIRST
KILLING
...
INVESTING IN A COMPANY THAT BOTTLED BOSTON
HARBOR MINERAL WATER. OBVIOUSLY, I WAS ALFALFA MATERIAL.
2
AND THIS YEAR, IN JUDGE HOWELL HEFLIN, YOU HAVE PERHAPS
THE QUINTESSENTIAL ALFALFA CANDIDATE. A MAN WHO CARES
NEITHER ABOUT COMPETENCE NOR IDEOLOGY. HOWELL, I'M
FRANKLY SURPRISED YOU WOULD SAY THOSE DIGS ABOUT ME.
HAVE YOU BEEN SNACKING ON FERMENTED GRITS?
As A CANDIDATE, HOWELL HAS AT LEAST ONE THING GOING
IN HIS FAVOR. HE CANNOT FIT INTO A TANK. HOWELL'S
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN WILL BE "READ MY HIPS." ENOUGH ABOUT OUR
3
SORRY TICKET, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I'M DOING OVER AT THE
WHITE HOUSE.
I CHOSE AS CHIEF OF STAFF JOHN SUNUNU. I WAS
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHOSE NAME RHYMED WITH DEEP DOO DOO.
I HAVE A BRAND NEW LIMO ... TWENTY-TWO FOOT LONG
LINCOLN
...
IN HOUSTON CALL THAT A MOSBACHER MAZDA.
4
SOMETIMES WE FORGET
TO TAKE CHEAP SHOTS AT OUR
OUTGOING PRESIDENT AND OUR INCOMING PRESIDENT.
LLOYD AND ALAN PROVIDE AN INTERESTING CONTRAST.
BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S VERSUS DINNER AT DENNY'S.
SENATOR SIMPSON DOES REMIND YOU OF A LINCOLNESQUE
FIGURE. THAT IS, IF THE GREAT EMANCIPATOR HAD BEEN ON A
THREE DAY TooT.
5
ALAN IS KIND OF A SEEDY Roy ROGERS. HIS BODY LOOKS
LIKE SOMETHING RUBE GOLDBERG WOULD DREAM ABOUT AFTER RUBE
SCARFED UP A BOWL OF PORK RINDS.
WE'RE ALL STILL WINDING DOWN FROM LAST SATURDAY'S
INAUGURAL FESTIVITIES. I ATTENDED MAYBE THE WILDEST
EVENT OF INAUGURAL WEEK
...
THE RHYTHM AND BLUES CONCERT.
WHEN I CLIMBED UP ON STAGE WITH A GUITAR, MAKING
DUCK-BILL FACES, MY KIDS WERE MORTIFIED. THEY SAID,
6
"DAD, WHY CAN'T YOU BE A SENSIBLE PRESIDENT
...
LIKE SAY
GRANT?
...
HE ONLY DRANK.'
SEVERAL YEARS AGO, AS THE LAST SPEECH AT THE END OF
A MARVELOUSLY ENTERTAINING, BUT FAIRLY LENGTHY ALFALFA
EVENING, I TOLD MY DAD'S ADVICE: "GEORGE, IF YOU EVER
RISE so HIGH OR SINK so LOW AS TO END AN ALFALFA EVENING,
SIMPLY SAY THANK YOU AND SIT DOWN."
7
BUT JUST A WORD MORE
HAVING FAILED AS YOUR
CANDIDATE, SOMEHOW, WITH THE HELP OF MANY RIGHT HERE IN
THIS ROOM, I GOT TO BE PRESIDENT ANYWAY.
WE'RE DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS WITH DIFFERENT
APPROACHES
... BUT REALLY THE SAME GOALS. WE SALUTE THE
SAME FLAG
SACRIFICE TO GAIN A BETTER LIFE FOR OUR
KIDS AND COMFORT FOR OUR AGING PARENTS.
8
WE SEEM TO KNOW THAT KINDNESS IS NOT A SIGN OF
WEAKNESS, BUT RATHER STRENGTH. It's TRUE OF INDIVIDUALS
AND OF NATIONS
You DON'T HAVE TO SWAGGER TO BE
STRONG.
AMERICANS' HEARTS ARE WARM AND ALSO BIG. AMERICANS
FEEL DEEPLY AND ACT ON THOSE FEELINGS. WHETHER IT'S
RESCUING STRANDED WHALES IN ALASKA, TENS OF THOUSANDS
BURIED UNDER THE RUBBLE IN ARMENIA, OR ONE LITTLE GIRL
STUCK DOWN IN A WELL IN MIDLAND, TEXAS.
9
I CAN SAY IT'S BEEN QUITE A WEEK FOR BARBARA AND ME.
AND IT DOESN'T HURT OUR COUNTRY EITHER TO HAVE THOSE
GENEROUS SPIRITS OUT THERE
...
AT LEAST AWHILE
...
THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE GIVING THE NEW GUY A CHANCE.
IF THIS CONTINUES
...
WHO KNOWS
...
THE NEXT TIME
THEY PLAY "HAIL TO THE CHIEF" PRESIDENT HEFLIN MIGHT WALK
IN.
###
PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS FOR THE ALFALFA DINNER
CAPITOL HILTON
SATURDAY, JANUARY 28, 1989
THIS IS A NIGHT FOR NOSTALGIA. IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY
YESTERDAY THAT A GROUP OF YOUNGER MEMBERS OF THIS CLUB
ALL OF THEM WERE UNDER SEVENTY AS I RECALL
...
ASKED
ME TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT ON THE ALFALFA TICKET.
I WAS A YOUNG BUSINESSMAN ... ABOUT TO MAKE MY FIRST
KILLING
INVESTING IN A COMPANY THAT BOTTLED BOSTON
HARBOR MINERAL WATER. OBVIOUSLY, I WAS ALFALFA MATERIAL.
2
AND THIS YEAR, IN JUDGE HOWELL HEFLIN, YOU HAVE PERHAPS
THE QUINTESSENTIAL ALFALFA CANDIDATE. A MAN WHO CARES
NEITHER ABOUT COMPETENCE NOR IDEOLOGY. HOWELL, I'M
FRANKLY SURPRISED YOU WOULD SAY THOSE DIGS ABOUT ME.
HAVE YOU BEEN SNACKING ON FERMENTED GRITS?
As A CANDIDATE, HOWELL HAS AT LEAST ONE THING GOING
IN HIS FAVOR. HE CANNOT FIT INTO A TANK. HOWELL'S
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN WILL BE "READ MY HIPS." ENOUGH ABOUT OUR
3
SORRY TICKET, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I'M DOING OVER AT THE
WHITE HOUSE.
I CHOSE AS CHIEF OF STAFF JOHN SUNUNU. I WAS
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHOSE NAME RHYMED WITH DEEP DOO DOO.
I HAVE A BRAND NEW LIMO ... TWENTY-TWO FOOT LONG
LINCOLN
...
IN HOUSTON CALL THAT A MOSBACHER MAZDA.
4
SOMETIMES WE FORGET
...
TO TAKE CHEAP SHOTS AT OUR
OUTGOING PRESIDENT AND OUR INCOMING PRESIDENT.
LLOYD AND ALAN PROVIDE AN INTERESTING CONTRAST.
BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S VERSUS DINNER AT DENNY'S.
SENATOR SIMPSON DOES REMIND YOU OF A LINCOLNESQUE
FIGURE. THAT IS, IF THE GREAT EMANCIPATOR HAD BEEN ON A
THREE DAY TooT.
5
ALAN IS KIND OF A SEEDY Roy ROGERS. HIS BODY LOOKS
LIKE SOMETHING RUBE GOLDBERG WOULD DREAM ABOUT AFTER RUBE
SCARFED UP A BOWL OF PORK RINDS.
WE'RE ALL STILL WINDING DOWN FROM LAST SATURDAY'S
INAUGURAL FESTIVITIES. I ATTENDED MAYBE THE WILDEST
EVENT OF INAUGURAL WEEK
...
THE RHYTHM AND BLUES CONCERT.
WHEN I CLIMBED UP ON STAGE WITH A GUITAR, MAKING
DUCK-BILL FACES, MY KIDS WERE MORTIFIED. THEY SAID,
6
"DAD, WHY CAN'T YOU BE A SENSIBLE PRESIDENT
...
LIKE SAY
GRANT?
...
HE ONLY DRANK."
SEVERAL YEARS AGO, AS THE LAST SPEECH AT THE END OF
A MARVELOUSLY ENTERTAINING, BUT FAIRLY LENGTHY ALFALFA
EVENING, I TOLD MY DAD'S ADVICE: "GEORGE, IF YOU EVER
RISE so HIGH OR SINK so LOW AS TO END AN ALFALFA EVENING,
SIMPLY SAY THANK YOU AND SIT DOWN."
7
BUT JUST A WORD MORE
HAVING FAILED AS YOUR
CANDIDATE, SOMEHOW, WITH THE HELP OF MANY RIGHT HERE IN
THIS ROOM, I GOT TO BE PRESIDENT ANYWAY.
WE'RE DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS WITH DIFFERENT
APPROACHES
BUT REALLY THE SAME GOALS. WE SALUTE THE
SAME FLAG
SACRIFICE TO GAIN A BETTER LIFE FOR OUR
KIDS AND COMFORT FOR OUR AGING PARENTS.
8
WE SEEM TO KNOW THAT KINDNESS IS NOT A SIGN OF
WEAKNESS, BUT RATHER STRENGTH. IT'S TRUE OF INDIVIDUALS
AND OF NATIONS
You DON'T HAVE TO SWAGGER TO BE
STRONG.
AMERICANS' HEARTS ARE WARM AND ALSO BIG. AMERICANS
FEEL DEEPLY AND ACT ON THOSE FEELINGS. WHETHER IT'S
RESCUING STRANDED WHALES IN ALASKA, TENS OF THOUSANDS
BURIED UNDER THE RUBBLE IN ARMENIA, OR ONE LITTLE GIRL
STUCK DOWN IN A WELL IN MIDLAND, TEXAS.
9
I CAN SAY IT'S BEEN QUITE A WEEK FOR BARBARA AND ME.
AND IT DOESN'T HURT OUR COUNTRY EITHER TO HAVE THOSE
GENEROUS SPIRITS OUT THERE
...
AT LEAST AWHILE
...
THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE GIVING THE NEW GUY A CHANCE.
IF THIS CONTINUES
...
WHO KNOWS
...
THE NEXT TIME
THEY PLAY "HAIL TO THE CHIEF" PRESIDENT HEFLIN MIGHT WALK
IN.
###
From: RAY Siller
Proparedrements By the Briendent
for the alfalfa Daman
Sa funday, class
This is a night for nostalgia
A seems like only yesterday
that a group of you yes
marabers of this club
all
them were under 70 as d
recall asked me to men
for tecket. President In the Alfalfa
l vom a young successful
businesson fred
fortune & About
The world mas about to - he
my septer. 4pm see, & had just
Sunk may entire
about to make my first
killing investing m a
coxpany that bottled memeral
water from Boston Harbor.
material And thingin sola Indge
Obviously I men Alfalfa
Howell Heflin your have perhaps
the guintessented sefalls candidate
a man who uner nerther about
competenu mor ideology.
Howell it, mat
2
Howell, I'm frantly surprised
yeen would say thou theogs
about SNACKING. me. ON Have you been
mushing fermented of grets
as a condidate, Howell has at
least one thing going in his
faver Hg connot bet into a
tank Howell's capage slogan
will be Read my hips
Enough about our sorry techet,
set my tell you what I'm
doing over at the White Hour
John Sunreme l was looking
l chose as Chiefof Staff
for Soraeon whose name rhymed
with deep doo doo.
l have a brand new leino
22 foot long Sexents
in
Hereston we call that u
nostacher magda
22 feet long. you can park
it in over 3 zip codes.
Our dog is pregnant Now
She's experiencing morning
Sickness. l know the feeling.
I read
/ 1 3-
St's always easy to take cheap
shots at beer morninee. Pmt
sometimes me forget to take
Cheap shots at were outgoong
prevident preadent. + Dear incorring
sloud Bentsen my thingears
nie presidential
rise career move Sloyd. Year
also retained An exclusions mght,
by sell
returned the obtained the exchisine
rights to sell materford Cryptat
na store adjurent opened a
ofterned part ownership of a
hatebord Crystal showroom
located adjust to the Wheyen
perform factory
Then these remings the Surpsor
who to d
figure. That is, if the rent
got / Albrit from Wyoming,
increptor had here on a 3 day
working
there he spent has formations years
H Charaes the low
5 to ranch hs a conspends.
4-
Alan is hind of a seedy
something Rube Boldberg would dream about
Roy Rogers His body looks like
after lube scarfed up a bowl ofport rixas
slould & Alan make good
provide an interesting cootrast
time Breakfast at effony's
versus # Deaner at Deary's
(Dom Peregimen verous Fronk
Barttes wine all ) still wrong drown from the
week. Festimber
PAST SATURDAY That attended the
mayber the wildest
event of damgured week
m Rhythm + Blues Concert
when l got CLIMBED up on stage with
the gutar, making duch - bill
faces my kids were
mortified They said, "Dad,
Why coat you be a
senure Prescdent
like
say grant?
He only drank".
Seriral years ago, as the
last speech at the end of a
mivelously entertivening but
fairly lengthy sefulfa evening
twees m The advice "U
, 5-
sefalfa evening singly say
think you of sit down".
But just a word more xr.
Having failed as your condidate
somehmen with the help of many
regint here in this room, d
got to be Preadent anyway.
live been in the job h week
V l name soarrelled her The
American people are willing
to give a men President a
Chooce
we're Demonate & Republican
with different approaches. but
really The name goals. we salute
the some flag
to gain a better life sacrifice for our
Mids & confort for our ageng
parents. And
we seem to know that
kindness is not a sean
of weakness lentas) rather strength.
H.S true of miniduals
of of nations Yen don't have
to Surah to he to
- 6-
emoile/
4 American hearts are narm
of also beg.
int
American feel deeply & act
los those beekags whether
it's resuring stranded wholes
burier lender The reable in
in Alasha, the tem of thousands
America, or the little girl
stuch down a well in Midland,
Texas.
This kindness spills over
with time. politics at Iranguration
able used
with all respect to on
dola candedate 1 bowell Hefler, me
Alfalfar may mener know
whether America's generality
of goodness of speret would
extend to someone nho
has on befalfa's ticher
of was
- 7-
But I can my it's been
quite a week for Barbaro & m
And it docant ment our
country lither to have those
generies spirits but there the
at least for while
American people gring the
new quy a chance
knows If this costemer n who
the next time
they play " Hail to the
Cheef" President Heflen
megat walk m.
#