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White House Correspondents Dinner 4/29/90 [OA 4729]
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White House Correspondents Dinner 4/29/90 [OA 4729]
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This is not a textual record. This is used as an
administrative marker by the George Bush Presidential
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Record Group/Collection:
George H.W. Bush Presidential Records
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Speechwriting, White House Office of
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Speech File Draft Files
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Chron Files, 1989-1993
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13529-003
Folder Title:
White House Correspondents Dinner 4/29/90 [OA 4729]
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7
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
April 27,
199d990 APR 27 PM 6: 39
INFORMATION
MEMORANDUM FOR THE PRESIDENT
THROUGH:
CHRISS WINSTON
FROM:
EDWARD E. McNALLY qui
SUBJECT:
REVISED DRAFT: WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER
Earlier today, you met with David Demarest and others
to suggest deletions and improvements in the draft for your
remarks at tomorrow's White House Correspondents Dinner.
Attached is a new draft, revised in accordance with your
suggestions.
McNally/Simon, April 27, 1990
Draft Six (E:WHCORRES)
PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS: WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER
WASHINGTON HILTON
SATURDAY, APRIL 28, 1990
Thank you, Johanna ((NEUMAN)), and thank you, everyone. And
greetings to Dennis Miller.
When Marlin told me I'd be appearing with a member of NBC's
longest-running T.V. comedy team, I said: "Who'd we get --
Bryant Gumbel or Willard Scott?" III
But I envy Dennis Miller. Just once -- before I walk into
the House Chamber to deliver my State of the Union Address -- I'd
like to be announced by Don Pardoe. III
Dennis -- you're going to get in your licks on me later.
But I watched your HBO Comedy Special yesterday. Great stuff.
But you use a lot of words you don't normally hear in the Oval
Office. And there are just three words to describe your
performance: III "Isn't that special." 111
Tm Story
You know, we got Dennis tonight only because this evening's
Saturday Night Live was replaced by Hulk Hogan's Wrestlemania,
Sounds like NBC got first pick. III
But I do like Saturday Night Live. Dana Carvey does such a
V
great impression of me, I asked him to phone Rafsanjani and say
it was George Bush. III But Dana said -- wouldn't be PRUDENT.
Johanna Neuman deserves special thanks. She's done an
outstanding job as President of the White House Correspondent's
Association. In the past 12 months, the only person who's worked
harder in Washington is Marlin Fitzwater's tailor. III
Meythe try A-B B
2
You give Marlin a hard time. Like the morning he finally
agreed to do more "on camera" briefings. And Michael Duffy
shouts: "You lose 30 pounds and all of a sudden you want to go
on TV?!" 111
But Marlin looks great. And his whole attitude has changed.
I remember the day Pinochet stepped down. I said: "Finally,
Chile is free." And Marlin said: "Good. When do we eat?" III
But Marlin keeps me informed. Recently he said: "A lot of
reporters are talking about the strange stuff we're seeing on
T.V." I said: "You mean Twin Peaks, the Simpsons, and Ninja
Turtles?" And Marlin said: "No -- I mean you announcing the
Gorbachev Summit while standing next to Michael Jackson!" III
But I'm not taking the rap for this one. Rose Garden.
bond
Sunglasses. No coat, no tie, FTO expression. Bored. A little
confused. I just figured he was another reporter. III
[[Recently, Leo Rennert came at Marlin with a curve ball on
taxes, Democrats, Social Security, and Dan Rostenkowski. III
Marlin didn't flinch. Reached into his bag of rhetorical tricks.
11 His answer and I quote in its entirety: ( (SLOWLY)) "Leo.
11 Leo 11 Leo. 11 Leo. 11 Leo." Marlin -- where do
you come up with these snappy comebacks? 111171
of course -- the truth is -- I have the deepest respect for
the job you do. I know that you care -- you work hard -- you
believe in your work and it shows. And I said this to the White
House photographers and I'll repeat it here: I have always
appreciated the thoughtfulness and the consideration and the
3
kindness that you have shown to our family, and, indeed, the
kindness and consideration you have shown in our quest for
privacy from time to time. So we thank you for that. 111
But now -- it's Miller time III --
-- AND 11 I 11 AM 11 OUT OF HERE!
#
#
#
(McNally/Martin)
April 29, 1989
12:15 P.M.
Draft SIX
(B:CORRES)
PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS: WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER
WASHINGTON HILTON
SATURDAY, APRIL 29, 1989
8:00 P.M.
Thank you.
Thank you, Jerry ((O'LEARY, W.H. CORRES. ASSOC. PRESIDENT))
And congratulations on your leadership this past year.
Congrats also to your successor, Johanna Neumann.
Johanna -- Come by sometime
And I'll tell you how much fun it is
To be a new president.
Johanna, you have a big advantage over me. ((PAUSE))
You can blame things on your predecessor.
Before we left the White House tonight
I told my grandkids
I'd be spending the evening with the media elite.
They want to know which one of you is Morton Downey.
I haven't watched much TV lately.
But I understand Oprah lost weight.
Phil wore a skirt.
Geraldo got his nose busted.
And Downey lost to the skinheads.
Easy to see why I'm not making news.
Geraldo was so successful
With his documentary on Devil Worship
Now he's doing a Special on
"People Who Like Newt Gingrich. "
2
Newt is the only guy whose car
Has a dashboard statue of Frank Lorenzo.
In the TV debates
They kept asking Vice President Quayle
About the first thing he'd do as President.
Cheer up Dan. ( (PAUSE) )
They're still asking me the same question.
I hear my schedule
Keeps you working until late.
That you're not getting enough sleep.
First time I've
Been accused of keeping anybody awake.
A story in yesterday's paper
Accused me of drift and a lack of focus. ( (PAUSE) )
What was I just saying?
Leslie Stahl asked if I moved too cautiously.
I said: "Can I get back to you on that?"
People wondered how I picked the sites
We traveled to this week.
It's no secret.
North Dakota's the only place
I can still dominate the news. ((LONG PAUSE))
Hey, it was a good trip. ( (PAUSE) )
Made page two. ( (PAUSE) )
Second section. ( (PAUSE) )
Third graph. ( (PAUSE) )
Under the fold. ((PAUSE) )
The Bismarck Sun.
3
You're too hard on Marlin.
Especially ribbing him about his hairstyle.
You grew up with the Dick Van Dyke Show.
And every time Marlin walks in for a briefing,
You react as if it's Mel.
He's really not Mel.
Of course, he's no Morey Amsterdam, either.
Jim Morris is here tonight.
I get the feeling he's
About to snuff out some
Of my thousand points of light. ( (PAUSE))
But I've seen Jim's impression of me.
Frankly, I can't make head or tail out of what he's saying.
His syntax is all twisted.
It shouldn't be too hard to upstage me, Jim.
A few weeks ago I was upstaged by a wig.
I'll tell you one thing about Barbara.
Ever since she drank that radioactive iodine
She's been doubling as a night light.
Her new nickname?
"The Three Mile Island Fox. "
And it bothers me,
At the end of a press conference
When Helen Thomas stands up and says:
"Thank you, Barbara's husband."
4
All the good press may be going to Millie's head, though.
Today, we set out her bowl of Alpo
And she asked to see the wine list.
I've had a number of you up to the family quarters.
And Gerry Boyd --
Just in case it ever comes up --
I do have photos of you bouncing on Lincoln's bed.
Never make news, my eye.
Here's a scoop for you --
My first nominee to the Supreme Court will be: ((PAUSE))
John Tower. ( (PAUSE))
What we need is a little justice.
Now they're saying Bill Bennett has presidential ambitions.
He's bringing the military into the drug war.
But Bill, you know the rules --
Ride one tank and you're out.
You know I love movies.
Caught the sequel to "Rain Man. "
It's about a White House official who travels across the country
With a reporter,
Talking on background the whole way.
It's called "Dar-Man".
Boyden Gray has a Plymouth that runs on Methanol.
Now he talks about a car that runs on sea water.
The water's got to come from Prince William Sound.
5
Things are getting nasty in Alaska.
The other day a group of baby seals
Were clubbing Exxon officials.
I asked Jim Baker if he wanted to go fish for salmon.
He asked: "Regular or unleaded?"
You think of him as Secretary of State.
But Jim will be best remembered for the Wilderness Act.
That's the act he was caught committing in the wilderness.
Oops -- It's getting late.
( (PAUSE -- LOOK AT WATCH) )
There won't be time tonight
For the slide show
Of my trip to Honduras.
But let me just close by saying:
Tonight marks the 75th anniversary of the White House
Correspondents Association -- the diamond anniversary.
High quality diamonds are rare -- and formed under intense
pressure. People often talk about the pressure of government
service, but seldom recognize the intense pressure that your
profession, and especially this press corps, faces virtually
every day. Even more unique is the tradition of humor -- from
both sides of the podium -- that helps keep our responsibilities
in perspective.
So I'll raise a glass to you -- toasting the diamond
anniversary of this tradition. And remember Jim -- "kinder and
gentler"
"kinder and gentler"
#
#
#
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
1800 APR 27 PM 4: 04
April 26, 1990
INFORMATION
MEMORANDUM FOR THE PRESIDENT
THROUGH:
CHRISS WINSTON aw
FROM:
EDWARD E. McNALLY you
SUBJECT:
RAY SILLER AND OTHERS: EXTRA JOKES FOR
WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER
Earlier today, you asked David Demarest about Ray
Siller's submissions for the White House Correspondents Dinner.
Attached is a complete set of the jokes sent in by Mr. Siller, as
well as a sampling of those developed by comedian Doug Gamble and
our office. Please indicate which jokes you would like to see
refined for inclusion in your brief remarks Saturday night.
McNally/Simon
April 26, 1990
(d:whsillers)
WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER
ADDITIONAL JOKES SUBMITTED BY RAY SILLER
[[PLEASE CHECK THOSE YOU'D LIKE INCLUDED]]
Dennis (Miller), I admire you
landing a job as anchorman on a
major American network
and you aren't even Canadian.
Dennis is worried. He heard Deborah Norville has a sister.
This past decade, the number of accredited White House
Correspondents has swelled. This is the first year your number
exceeded Americans who received census forms
We're proud of
that.
Someone asked me about the Hubble Space Telescope, whether we
really need photos taken from a telescope hundreds of miles above
the earth's atmosphere. The answer of course is yes. That's the
only way to see all of Ted Kennedy on that boat.
We originally wanted to launch the Hubble telescope a year ago to
take a group shot of Marlin.
You know Marlin
this year's poster boy for Opti-Fast.
Marlin used to have a weight problem. He had his own ozone
layer.
Marlin was overweight because he didn't get any exercise. How
many people do you know with an elevator on their Stairmaster?
Last year on Earth Day, Marlin was mistaken for it.
2
He finally went on a diet after Helen Thomas spotted him and
said, "Well, aren't you the cute couple!"
But seriously, since I've held political office, I've had a
number of press secretaries. He's the best I ever had
as Marla
Maples said to the New York Post.
(OR)
I've been in elective office a long time, had many groups of
reporters covering me. But you're the best I ever had
as Marla
said to the Donald.
Last Sunday was Earth Day. Most of you did your part to protect
the environment. You ask recycled questions.
I'm all for protecting the environment. But there are a few
militant extremists out there. Last week a member of the Sierra
Club ordered the earth to bite Millie.
I've been asked where I might allow offshore oil drilling. It
would have to be a place where it wouldn't interfere with the
breeding of wildlife, such as snail darters, the California
condor
and Ted Kennedy on his boat.
We figured out a way to shorten the press conferences. Beginning
next week, Helen Thomas's seat will be on that hill where Millie
got bitten.
Some of you are obsessed with how you look on TV during the press
conferences, and have taken steps to improve your appearance.
After Millie got bitten, one of you asked Marlin if Millie would
be getting a nose job
and three of you handed him your
doctor's business card.
3
After awhile, you learn to be cautious when the press is around
because frankly, you're very snoopy. Around here, even my dog
sticks her nose where it doesn't belong Et tu, Millie.
ADDITIONAL JOKES SUBMITTED BY DOUG GAMBLE AND OUR OFFICE
W.H. CORRESPONDENTS -- NEW OPENING JOKES
Thank you, Dennis. When Marlin told me I'd be following a member
of NBC's longest running T.V. comedy team, I said: "Who'd we get
-- Bryant Gumbel or Willard Scott?"
You know, we got Dennis Miller tonight because this evening's
Saturday Night Live was replaced by Hulk Hogan's Wrestlemania.
((TRUE)) Sounds like NBC got first pick.
Dennis told me he could join us here because NBC replaced
tonight's Saturday Night Live with Hulk Hogan's Wrestlemania.
True story. I asked Dennis: "What's the difference between
professional comedy and professional wrestling?" He said: "Pro
wrestling's a more honest game."
(OR: "Pro wrestling isn't a contact sport.")
Thank you, Dennis. When Marlin told me I'd be following the man
who takes the news once a week and turns it on its head, I
assumed he meant John McLaughlin.
4
Thank you, Dennis. No hard feelings. But I guess NBC's making
up for going easy on me during Tom Brokow's "Day In The Life Of
The White House."
Marlin said: "A lot of reporters are talking about the strange
stuff you see on T.V. these days." I said: "You mean Twin
Peaks, the Simpsons, and Ninja Turtles?" And Marlin said:
"No -- you announcing the Gorbachev Summit standing next to
Michael Jackson!"
But I'm not taking the rap for this one. Rose Garden.
Sunglasses. No coat, no tie, no expression. Looking bored. A
little confused. I just figured he was another reporter.
Brit Hume asked me why I announced the Gorbachev Summit while
standing next to Michael Jackson. III I said: "I guess your
family's never competed for a spot on America's Funniest Home
Videos!"
People complain the White House beat is boring. That Gorby makes
better copy. Not true. Sure, Gorby can call a press conference
on arms reduction. Gorby can call a press conference on the
changes in Eastern Europe. But can Gorby call a press conference
with Michael Jackson?!
5
People complain the White House beat is boring. That we're
losing the public relations war to Gorby. Not true. Gorby meets
with the Pope -- I counter with Michael Jackson. 111 And if he
moves on Mitterand again -- I've got Rosanne Barr, Michael
Jordon, and the Ninja Turtles in reserve.
Some papers reported I'd made Michael an advisor on arms control
statements. Not true. Only on fashion statements. III Arthur
Adler -- look out!
I always thought all those stories on "Weekend Update" were real,
which is too bad because that's what I've been basing my foreign
and domestic policies on.
In the spirit of "Saturday Night Live" just let me say, I'm
George Bush and you're not.
This evening is the reverse of the way it should be. Usually I
work first and then it's Miller time. [[DENNIS MILLER, THE
NIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENT, SPEAKS FIRST. ]]
I can't tell you what a thrill it is to have this opportunity to
see what Dennis Miller looks like from the waist down.
6
Dana Carvey has said that his imitation of me is a combination of
John Wayne and Mr. Rogers. He's right. I have the sensitivity
of John Wayne and the macho of Mr. Rogers.
The last time I had this tough an act to follow was that night in
New Hampshire in 1980, when I was upstaged by some fellow who
announced that he was paying for the microphone. I wonder what
ever became of him?
I'm pleased that President Gorbachev is coming to America next
month for talks that can have a profound effect on the future of
his economic reforms and the happiness of his people. And after
he meets with Ronald McDonald, maybe he'll have time for me.
In case you didn't hear the late-breaking news tonight, a
political scandal has hit the Kremlin. I'm not up to speed on it
yet -- all I have is a statement just issued by President
Gorbachev that says "I have never, nor will I ever, trade arms
for Pepsi. "
Cuba has charged that "TV Marti" is a form of terrorism. Ok, we
don't want to be cruel. We'll pull "The Capital Gang" from the
transmission.
7
I'm pleased to announce a cultural exchange program with East
Germany, so that each country can showcase the outstanding
individuals produced by our respective societies. They're
sending us Katarina Witt, and we're sending them Bart Simpson.
A scientist told me the Hubble Space Telescope is so powerful, it
can explore a black hole. Why anyone would want a close-up look
at a Democratic think tank is beyond me.
I hear there was a bar near the White House serving a drink last
Sunday called "The Earth Day Cocktail." After two of them,
you're polluted.
I feel sorry for the people who have to wade through all the
pages of the federal budget each year, so we're going to spice it
up a bit. We're coming out with a swimsuit edition.
I don't know if the census will be more accurate this year than
10 years ago. But I do know that because of their diets, Marlin
Fitzwater, Tom Foley and Henry Hyde will no longer count as six
people.
I'm glad that America's major tuna companies will no longer sell
tuna caught by methods harmful to dolphins. It broke my heart to
see that film clip of a fisherman pulling in his net and finding
Dan Marino struggling to break free.
8
One of the kids was up in the residence the other night when
Barbara and I were trying to do the latest dance craze. I said
to him "does this look like the Lambada?" He said "No, it looks
like the Lumbago."
MORE ACTUAL QUESTIONS FROM THE PRESS:
"Which U.S. Vice President recorded a hit song and what was it?"
(Walter Mondale recorded a country & western song dedicated to
his wife called "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.")
"Do you have any information on foreign policy?" (Not according
to the Democrats.)
"What is the Cabinet?" (The Cabinet is a group of advisors who
are blamed for the President's mistakes.)
"What is the President's blood type?" (Blue)
"Can I get a life-size cardboard cut-out of the President?" (For
eight years as Vice President, people thought I was a life-size
cardboard cut-out.)
"Is the White House on the stock exchange?" (No, but before some
White House aides lost weight we were listed under "Pork Belly
Futures. ")
9
"What do you know about counterfeit jewelry?" (I have an alibi
for that night. I was home all evening with Barbara and she can
vouch for it.)
"Can I bring in 10 antique cars to photograph them?" (Too late.
We just did a photo session with 10 antique Congressmen.)
"Why does the President use the word 'thing' so much?" (Now
that's the kind of curiosity thing that can lead to the
irritation thing.)
"What is the White House policy on inter-office romance?" (Quite
strict. The last time we loosened up, Millie had puppies.)
Every morning a different reporter steps up to bat and asks the
same, two-word question: III "Where's Scowcroft?" 111
After the fire at the Libyan chemical plant, someone asked:
"Where's Scowcroft?" Marlin answered that Brent was skiing
in Utah. So Steve Taylor says: "Is Kaddafi skiing with him?"
Actually, there's a breaking story tonight on what really
happened with that Libyan fire. It turns out Kaddafi staged the
whole thing to try to get on a new T.V. show called "Libya's
Funniest Home Videos."
10
Another time Marlin took the morning off. Someone asked:
"Where's Scowcroft?" And Roman answers: "He's refueling at
Elmendorf."
When the German Foreign Minister brought me a piece of the Berlin
Wall -- Ken Walsh wanted to know if the speechwriters asked him
to bring it to Lafayette Park.
I've also heard some complaints that covering the White House
beat is boring. You'll change your tune when we release the
first pictures taken by the new White House photographer --
Robert Mapplethorpe.
# # #