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Originally Processed With FOIA(s): FOIA Number: S S FOIA MARKER This is not a textual record. This is used as an administrative marker by the George Bush Presidential Library Staff. Record Group/Collection: George H.W. Bush Presidential Records Collection/Office of Origin: Speechwriting, White House Office of Series: Speech File Backup Files Subseries: Chron File, 1989-1993 OA/ID Number: 13750 Folder ID Number: 13750-005 Folder Title: Gridiron Dinner 3/23/91 [OA 6856] Stack: Row: Section: Shelf: Position: G 26 21 3 3 FROM:API-PUBLIC RELATIONS TO: 4562758 MAR 19, 1991 12:29PM P.02 gridiron Club Dinner SCHEDULE March 23, 1991 6:30 Dinner Bell 7:00 Music Lights in Out quartet Speech in the the Air Dark - by" Budge Sperling, grideron president 7:15 Introduction, U. S. Marine Band 7:25 Fanfare Opener SKIT 7:35 Remove Rabbit Galantine Serve Crab & Cron Quiche 7:55 Fanfare Inauguration of sperling-handing - of gavel Guest Skit -- Standups - introduction of special guests Initiation of new members 8:15 Remove Crab & Corn Quiche Serve Beef and Lamb 8:45 Democratic Fanfare Skit -- music dance etc 9:15 Robert Strauss Introduction Strauss Response 9125 Remove Beef and Lamb Serve Top Hats 9:45 Republican Fanfare Skit -music dance etc 10:15 James Baker Introduction Baker Response 10:25 Fanfare Closer slirt -- "Civilwar"song. 10:35 Serve Coffee, Petits Fours, Champagne 10:55 Toast to the President Bush Response,4 Auld Lang Syne Bresident by the MAR 19 '91 16:58 CAPITAL HILTON SALES DC 737 5742 P.2 EVENT n 1639 RR DO NOT POST! THE GRIDIRON CLUB SATURDAY, MARCH 23, 1991 WHITE HOUSE STAFF DINNER CONTINENTAL ROOM APPROXIMATELY 18 GUESTS 7:30 PM MR. KEVIN DEVERICH, IN CHARGE VIP - SOIGNE BILL TO: BUSINESS PROMOTIONS AT $34 PP cc: Mr. K. Deverich General Manager MENU LOBSTER BISQUE SPINACH SALAD Warm Italian Dressing BROILED FILET MIGNON VEGETABLES DU JOUR THREE CHOCOLATE TERRINE Sauce Anglaise COFFEE EXTRA ITEMS AND ARRANGEMENTS BEVERAGES: Offer guests their choice of red or white wine. GRATUITY: Added to the account. D.C. SALES TAX: Added to the account. CONTROL: By invitation only. DECORATIONS: Provide the appropriate colored linen. ARRANGEMENTS: At the conclusion of the VIP reception provide 2 5ft. rounds for dining. BILLING: Business Promotions. Terry Brady, Director of Catering Direct Line: (202) 639 - 5717 TB/vmq - 3/8/91 LC110213/GC - WhiteH m THE CAPITAL HILTON HOTEL 1001 16th Street NW Washington, DC 20036 FAX: (202) 639 - 5742 TWX: 710/822 - 9068 1 26 "Budge" quarancent president Club GODFREY SPERLING, JR., born in Long Beach, California, in 1915, but grew up in the Midwest (Urbana, Illinois). B.S. in Journalism, University of Illinois, 1937; L.L.B. (J.D.) Law, University of Oklahoma, 1940. Joined Monitor after five years of service as an officer in the U.S. Air Force (rose to Major) during World War II; retired as Colonel in Reserves in 1975. Joined Christian Science Monitor in 1946. For 11 years Monitor's Washington Bureau Chief, up to 1984. Now Monitor's X senior Washington columnist. Founder and host of Sperling Breakfast Group. President Reagan honored Sperling on the 17th anniversary of the breakfast, and continued to do so on the 18th, 19th and 20th anniversary. In the past both Presidents Ford and Carter also had the group into the White House for breakfasts. Wife: Betty. Daughter: Mary McAuliffe, an historian at CIA; son-in-law: Jack McAuliffe, Director of Marketing at Kennedy Center for Performing Arts; Granddaughter: Mavyn McAuliffe, 18, and headed for MIT. Son: John in real estate in Las Vegas. wife Bethy (Budge) LEFT SIDE Mr. Godfrey Sperling, Jr. President of the BF Gridiron Club The President of the United States Harvey Mr. ^^ Wood Mrs. Foley Robert Mr. Strauss Patricia Mrs. Wood Justice Souter Mr. Sununu Mrs. Baker The Secretary of the Treasury Mr. Darman General Scowcroft Mr. Ron Brown The Attorney General Representative Michel General Vuono The Secretary of Commerce and The Secretary of Health X Human Services The Secretary of Education The Secretary of the Air Force RIGHT SIDE The Vice President of the United States Mrs. Sperling Mrs. Bush The Speaker of the House of Representatives Mrs. Quayle d > e The Scretary of State Helen Mrs. Strauss The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Justice Kennedy The Secretary of Defense The Secretary of the Interior The Secretary of Labor Mr. Yeutter The Secretary of Transportation The Secretary of Veterans Affairs General Gray The U.S. Trade Representative Mr. Fitzwater while Hours Burce Mr. Osborne A Dallas news THE CAPITAL HILTON Meeting Facilities and Services 1: N S PAN-AMERICAN ROOM W AUTO LIFT KITCHEN SALES, CATERING Club MK, 12-2 AND CONVENTION Pres Recep 5 30 6.45 Bilton Skift Dinner. SERVICES OFFICES 11pin.2am MASSACHUSETTS ELEVATOR ROOM Scripps Henered SERVICE LOBBY 5 30 4.45 30 4.45 t & SERVK F LIEVATOR SERVICE CLOSETS PASSENGER NEW YORK ELEVATOR ROOM LADIES REST ROOM PRESIDENTIAL BALLROOM PASSENGE FLEVATOR MIN'S MICHIGAN ROOM CONVENTION ROOM Dinner 645 11.3c REGISTRATION STORAGE Storase Hanne Bend General OHIO ROOM Rebeshments Rc ments Reception SecretSew. 1pm setspin CONGRESSIONAL ROOM SENATE ROOM 5 30-4:45 FEDERAL ROOM UPPER L STREET Cast Dinner 8:15pm LOBBY CALIFORNIA ROOM Hearst Newspaper Uniformed K STREET Reception 10pm-20pm CHECK ROOM SOUTH AMERICAN CAPITAL TERRACE ROOM-A FOYER NO. 1 LOWER LOBBY FOYER NO. 2 SOUTH AMERICAN ROOM-B CONTINENTAL ROOM IXMN DOWN Guest of Hener feap 530 SIXTEENTH STREET While the Sill Duma 130pm Suru 1956 56 30 Knight Rolder Smill 1274 10pm 3 30c'm Delioit News I Gannert SENT, BY:Xerox Telecopier 7020 ; 3-19-91 ; 2:17PM ; 2023951155- 4562758;# 2 TAB A CAPITAL HILTON HOTEL Gridiron Club Dinner Arrival/Departure Diagram Saturday, March 23, 1991 WAT STREET is This Motorcade Limo KEY: THE PRESIDENT GUESTS & STAFF SENT BY :Xerox Telecopier 7020 ; 3-19-91 ; 2:18PM ; 2023951155- 4562758;# 3 TAB THE CAPITAL HILTON Gridiron Club Dinner Presidential Ballroom Diagram Saturday, March 23, 1991 Announce L Street Position Head Table Continental Room Presidential 2nd Floor Bailroom 2nd Floor Holding Room 16th Street XX XX K Street KEY: THE PRESIDENT GUESTS & STAFF X GREETER SENT BY:Xerox Telecopier 7020 ; 3-19-91 ; 2:18PM ; 2023951155- 4562758;# 4 TAB C CAPITAL HILTON HOTEL Gridiron Club Dinner Head Table Diagram Saturday, March 23, 1991 Mr. Osborne, Dallas News Marlin Fitzwater Amb. Hills Gen Gray, USMC Sec. Derwinski Sec. Skinner Mr. Clayton Yeutter Sec. Martin Sec. Lujan Sec. Cheney Justice Kennedy Chairman Powell Mrs. Helen Strauss Sec. Baker Mrs. Quayle Speaker Foley Mrs. Bush Mrs. Sperling The Vice President Podium Audience Mr. Budge Sperling THE PRESIDENT Mr. Harvey Wood Mrs. Foley Mr. Robert Strauss Mrs. Patricia Wood Justice Souter Gov. Sununu Mrs. Baker Sec. Brady Mr. Darman Gen. Scowcroft Mr. Ron Brown Attorney Gen. Thornburgh Rep. Michel General Vuono Sec. Mosbacher Sec. Sullivan Sec. Alexander Sec. Rice KEY: THE PRESIDENT THE 1990 GRIDIRON CLUB DINNER The Capitol Hilton 625 Guests 5:30 p.m.: The drinks start rolling 6:45ish: POTUS arrives 7:00: Dinner THE PROGRAM FOR THE EVENING 7:00 The festivities begin with the traditional Speech In The Dark by the Club's new president, David Broder of the Washington Post USMC band enters, plays, exits Opening musical number Recognitions Install the new president Introduce new members Acknowledge some members of the audience Democratic skit (20-30 minutes of nd dance) Ana Richards Democratic response by Tom Foley Republican skit (also 20-30 minutes of song and dance) Lamar Republican response by Dick Cheney Closing musical number Toast to the President Presidential response Auld Lang Syne (the fat lady sings ) CONTACT: Penny Dixon 783-7787 NOTE: The headtable members and seating arrangements are not yet finalized. I'm told they should be done by March 23rd. BRAINSTORM MATERIAL: Panama Noriega VOO doo red underwear Dave Barry calling Media Relations to determine the color of POTUS' underwear the real name of the Panama invasion: "Operation Just BEcause" Noriega's prison ID number/Florida lottery numbers (12,000 people played it) Rock music played loudly "Al Portador" must quite the wealthy fellow these days. It turns out that General Noriega was making out checks for millions and millions of dollars to this guy But, "Al Portador" means "To The Bearer" in Spanish! HUD work Mayor Barry the Vista Hotel Colombia the extreme security measures sleeping on the plane When Marlin said last month that I can sleep right through takeoff, he was NOT referring to my first 100 days! the San Francisco earthquake Hurricane Hugo the Huntington Beach oil spill Savings and Loans Keating global climate change IPCC speech Sununu trees clean air Mike Tyson Buster Douglas the Superbowl/ the 49'ers/ the Broncos China secret missions Scowcroft/Eagleburger drug caterpillars the baseball strike the Berlin Wall So much for the Wall, here at home, White House staffers are said to have been stealing sandstone chunks of the White House as it undergoes construction. the East German put-put freedom cars Soviets trying to make a convertible Ruble the new McDonalds in Moscow Lithuania is revolting What scares me about a unified Germany? they' 11 beat the PANTS off us in the Olympics! Yes/No coffee cups at New York area 7-11 stores They have been used to "poll" customers on such issues as Congressional pay raises (they ran out of NO cups) and "Trump for President" the Malta summit stormy seas seasick patches behind the ears the "hotdogging" President Deborah Norville/ Jane Pauley Will the Bushes rename Camp David "Camp Marvin" ??? the Trump divorce Marla Maples Donna Rice Jessica Hahn Marla Maples Tom Clancy The Hunt for Red October Rap music Art Buchwald beats Eddie Murphy in "Coming to America" suit West Point M.A./Kristin Baker (first female cadet commander) women in combat Latest pet craze -- Vietnamese potbellied pigs African Superfrogs banned from Angels Camp Frog Jumping Contest New NCAA regs AMA study -- liquor is quicker for women Barbara Bush gave Inaugural gown to Smithsonian Jesse Helms/art Drexel Burnham Lambert/Michael/junk bonds the Rafsanjani phone call Pete Rose the first Miss USSR pageant Soviet women in Playboy Malcolm Forbes passed away Dan Quayle's South American doll Municipal employees in Yorba Linda, CA get a holiday on Richard Nixon's birthday I sure pity the guy who was planning his American summer vacation. He wanted to tour the country by Greyhound and catch baseball games across the nation. POP CULTURE cordless phones answering machines car phones fax machines TV remote controls compact discs cable TV Automatic Teller Machines Batman paraphenelia the Mazda Miata Post-It Notes personal computers Video -- Reagan's, Totally Hidden, America's Funniest, cholesterol oat bran sugar substitutes, fat substitutes bottled water the Perrier scare Ben & Jerry's ice cream liquid diets Marlin: -55 lbs; Gorbachev commented on it at Malta Foley: trying to lose 45 and is well on his way; too bad his bike was stolen at the Y Rostenkowski: grape fruit diet Atwater: Slimfast shakes and honey chicken wings TELEVISION Pat Sajak Alex Trebek Dick Clark Arsenio Hall Johnny Carson Vanna White David Letterman "The Top 10 Reasons Why " America's Funniest Home Videos Wheel of Fortune Jeopardy Roseanne Cosby thirtysomething The Wonder Years Cheers (Sam and Diane Donaldson and Sawyer?) Return of the Brady Bunch (Nicholas Brady?) LA Law Unsolved Mysteries The Capitol Gang The McLaughlin Group A Current Affair The Simpsons Bart the TV commercial for the Nissan Infiniti luxury sedan the viewers never saw the car, only serene rocks, water, clouds, etc. Domino's Pizza: Avoid the Noid Joe Isuzu American Express: Don't Leave Home Without It Tip O'Neill appearing out of a suitcase MOVIES The Hunt for Red October Henry V Look Who's Talking She Devil Parenthood Dead Poets Society Glory War of the Roses Do The Right Thing Lethal Weapon I and II Dirty Rotten Scoundrels The 3 Fugitives The Naked Gun The Fabulous Baker Boys (Jim Baker and Co?) My Stepmother Is An Alien Steel Magnolias Back to the Future When Harry Met Sally Driving Miss Daisy Crimes and Misdemeanors Sea of Love Batman Three Men and a Baby Sex, Lies, and Videotape Nuns on the Run --You know, traveling on Air Force One with really proves the postulate that he who snores the loudest will fall asleep first! --On a golf outing, the President replaced General Scowcroft's golf ball with an exploding chalk ball. the House gym, it has been written, is so often used for dates that members refer to it as "Sauna and Gomorrah" -Nude Beaches and Recreation listed the Senate pool as the only place in Washington where nude swimming is allowed. --(( In reference to recent CA trip: )) "LA is my favorite museum." (David Bowie) --At a second hand garage sale: Jim and Betty Wright's dinette set, going for $300. It is a Spanish style ensemble and the wood is painted "fiesta orange". The shop claims it is not "any piece of junk, but a piece of history!" --A mock ad in March's Washingtonian magazine touts the first "CONGRESSIONAL FANTASY CAMP" the political version of baseball "fantasy camps" If for overaged athletes. These campers, says the spoof, get to work with Senators Kennedy, Dole, Mikulski, and "all the other greats you have followed in the papers and watched on the evening news!" Also promised: limited franking privileges token honoraria live C-Span coverage a 500-word "extension of remarks in Congressional Rec. Foby speaks first LANGE --ML- Cheney later BACKGROUND ON GRIDIRON: 783-7787 Penny Dixon BACKGROUND: The Gridiron Club has been an exclusive club since 1885. This year's event marks its 105th annual dinner. It exists solely for the purpose to host this dinner where politicians are roasted. It is a drinking and dining society. It started as a group of newspapermen who sought brotherhood in part because the earlier scandal-plagued Grant administration thought they were a bunch of by-line hunting hounds. THE EVENT: Each year the event begins with a speech given in the dark. It ends with auld lang syne. In recent years, Presidents and First Ladies have given surprise performances. --Nixon was the first POTUS to entertain the Club, when he and Agnew performed a piano duet. --Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter jitterbugged together. (The first COUPLE to perform) Nancy Reagan dressed up as a baglady and sang her own rendition of "Second Hand Rose" it was called "Second Hand Clothes". Then she dropped a (fake) plate of White House china on the floor. Barbara Bush appeared with a long, dark brown wig and it was quite some time before people recognized her! Approx. 625 guests Capitol Hilton 5:30 - reception begins 6:45-ish POTUS 7:00 + dinner Head Table members & seating arrangements are not yet finalized. They expect to be done by the 23rd - - print day LAUGHTER NOTE: We will undoubtedly have to do something squishy about laughter and world harmony. We could put in a line about the "L" word Laughter, the very best "L" word of all **Henry Luce wrote in his prospectus for LIFE magazine: "TO SEE LIFE; TO SEE THE WORLD; TO EYEWITNESS GREAT EVENTS " Alan Loy McGinnis once said: "Each of us is the accumulation of our memories. " ( ("Each of is the accumulation of our memories. So, as we leave here tonight, let us remember our laughter and the good times and let's also be sure to remember the breathtaking changes in the world. As Tom Wolfe once said, "It boggles the mind, baby!" James Stephens once said: "If a person desires to be a humorist, it is necessary that the people around him shall be at least as wise as he is, otherwise his humor will not be comprehended." --H.L. Mencken (GOD of the press) once said: "There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor!" -James Thurber once said: "Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest and earliest national resources which must be preserved at all costs." Elsa Maxwell quoted her father's words from the deathbed: "Laugh at yourself before anyone else can." --H. L. Mencken once said: "I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark. " Norman Cousins said: "Laughter is a form of internal jogging. It moves your organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an ingniter of great expectation." -Abraham Lincoln: "With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh, I should die." Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks. Here are some jokes from the Humor file as well as last year's Gridiron that have not yet been used: but what hurts the most is the people who say I don't have a vision. In fact, I had one just last night. I could feel a "new breeze blowing" so I got out of bed, started walking down the hall, tripped over Millie, hit my head, and saw "a thousand points of light". On the way here, I stopped to chat with a street person who was holding a sign saying "Help the Downtrodden and the Destitute". It's not that often that I get to talk to a Drexel Burnham Lambert executive. The National Enquirer has applied for press credentials. I want to welcome their new correspondent. Elvis, where are you sitting? -- ( (Lee Atwater?) ) really knows how to recruit. He's gone to bars all across America telling everybody that I was calling for a thousand PINTS OF LITE! SOME RANDOM PIECES OF THOUGHT TO BRAINSTORM: Panama Noriega voo doo red underwear ( (Dave Barry called Media Relations to determine the color of POTUS' underwear) ) the real name of "Operation: Just Cause" "Operation: Just BEcause" "Al Portador" must be quite the wealthy fellow! It turns out that General Noriega was making out millions of dollars in checks to this guy but "Al Portador" means "To The Bearer" in Spanish! Mayor Barry the Vista Hotel fried egg commercials Colombia When Marlin said last month that I can sleep right through take- off, he was NOT referring to my first 100 days. San Francisco earthquake Hurricane Hugo Huntington Beach oil spill Savings and Loans Keating global climate change trees clean air Tyson Douglas 49ers Broncos China secret missions drug caterpillars baseball Strike the Berlin Wall Here at home, White House staffers are said to have been stealing sandstone chunks of the White House as it undergoes repairs and construction East German put-put cars new McDonald's in Moscow they'll beat the pants off us in the Olympics Yes/No coffee cup polls at 7-11's in the New York area. They have been used to "poll" customers on what they thought of Congressional pay raises (they ran out of "NO" cups) and "Trump for President" Malta stormy seas seasick patches behind the ears the "hotdogging" President Norville/Pauley/Zahn "Who WAS that on my TV this morning? I thought I was going crazy switching channels they all look the same! and are there 2 of those Gumbel boys?!?!" Will the Bushes rename Camp David "Camp Marvin"??? Enquiring minds want to know Power couples: from Doles to Cheneys? The Trump Divorce Marla Maples Tom Clancy West Point: Kristin Baker first female cadet commander Jesse Helms/art Drexel Burnham Lambert/Michael Milken/junk bonds Rafsayani phone call Pete Rose the first Miss USSR pageant Malcolm Forbes passed away --So, Dan, are you going to show us one of the South American dolls that you bought in Valparaiso? "A Chorus Line" is over, after 15 years, 500 pairs of shoes, 22 countries, and an audience of 6.5 million Municipal employees in Yorba Linda, CA get a holiday on Richard Nixon's birthday At the Ambassador's Ball, John Sununu bid on a Tiffany's necklace but signed the wrong auction sheet. He ended up with 3 carved Ecuadorean birds. Who the hell is the Reverend John Mayo? (Clue: he hailed from Barnstable, MA and died in 1676) Because of the Reverend, Bush and Quayle are tenth cousins, once removed!! The President and the First Lady are also tenth cousins, once removed. Also in the Presidential/Vice Presidential family tree are: Lincoln, Ford, Taft, FDR, Pierce, Hayes, Queen Elizabeth, and Humphrey Bogart - - I sure pity the guy who was planning to visit America this summer. Hes planning to tour the country by greyhound & catch baseball games across the nation. POP CULTURE: Epilady hair removers cordless phones answering machines car phones fax machines TV remote controls compact disks cable TV Automatic Teller Machines Batman paraphenelia the Mazda Miata Post-It Notes Rockin' Flowers cholesterol oat bran bottled water Ben & Jerry's ice cream liquid diets (see article on Marlin, Foley, Atwater, etc.) Marlin => -551bs Gorb e Nata Folmy - on way +245? Rostenkowski - shape from atwater - scrunfast at click wings TV: Pat Sajak Alex Trebek Dick Clark Arsenio Hall Johnny Carson Vanna White David Letterman ("The Top 10 Reasons Why ") Wheel of Fortune Jeopardy Roseanne Cosby thirtysomething The Wonder Years Cheers (Sam and Diane Donaldson and Sawyer?) Return of the Brady Bunch (Nicholas Brady?) Murphy Brown LA Law Unsolved Mysteries/Robert Stack Totally Hidden Video The Capital Gang The McLaughlin Group Current Affair The Simpsons the TV commercial for the Nissan Infiniti luxury sedan in which the viewers never saw the car, only serene rocks, water, trees Domino's Pizza: Avoid The Noid American Express: Don't Leave Home Without It Joe Isuzu Tip O'Neill appearing out of a suitcase MOVIES: The Hunt for Red October Henry V She Devil Look Who's Talking Parenthood Dead Poets Society Glory War of the Roses Do The Right Thing Lethal Weapon I and II Dirty Rotten Scoundrels The 3 Fugitives The Naked Gun The Fabulous Baker Boys (Jim Baker and Co.?) My Stepmother Is An Alien Steel Magnolias Back to the Future When Harry Met Sally Driving Miss Daisy Crimes and Misdemeanors Sea of Love Batman Three Men and a Baby Sex, Lies, and Videotape The new fad will it be seen in campaigns to come? The 800 telephone hotline. Phil Gramm has one. So does Jose Canseco, and Steve Gobie -- ( (For Marlin, or another bald man...)) The nice thing about baldness must be that before a press conference, he has only to straighten his tie! --Before I begin, I 'd like to tell the name of that first course, in case they ask you at the hospital --I know, I know you all thought the kiss Bar threw me as I stood to speak was a mark of affection. But it's really a K-I-S-S short for: "Keep It Short, Stupid"! -- ( (This would be great if modified with the name of an old member of Congress, for example. The two ladies could in his waiting area ) ) : One night after a performance, the manager of a New York theatre told Ethel Barrymore that 2 ladies wanted to see her. "They went to school with you," he explained. "They went to school with me?" asked Miss Barrymore. "Well, then, WHEEL THEM IN!!" Thank you. Thank you for these fine skits and fantastic humor and a full audience. I'm relieved that there are no photographers here! I remember the sign at my last speech "DO NO PHOTOGRAPH THE SPEAKERS AS THEY ADDRESS THE AUDIENCE. SHOOT THEM AS THEY APPROACH THE PODIUM." --We all get a little anxious as we make last minute preparations Barbara just told me that she entered a room at this hotel this evening and recognized a well-known government official pacing up and down. She asked what he was doing there. He said, "I'm going to deliver some jokes shortly." Bar asked, "Do you always get so nervous before addressing a large audience?" "NERVOUS?" he exclaimed indignantly. "No, I never get nervous!" "IN THAT CASE," Barbara retorted, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE LADIES ROOM???" -Thank you for your warm welcome! In accepting your invitation, I was reminded of what the Tower of London said to the the Tower of Pisa "If you have the inclination, I've got the time!" You know, travel on Air Force One with really proves correct that postulate that he who snores the loudest will fall asleep first. (Admiral Watkins, General Powell, General Scowcroft or we could go completely civilian with this ) I am reminded of the time in World War II when Admiral Nimitz and General MacArthur found themselves fishing together off the coast of the Philippines. In a sudden squall the boat capsized, and the eminent fighting men were floundering helplessly in the water. The Admiral was the first to reach the boat. With the aid of an oar, he finally got the General on board. "Now, Mac," he cautioned, "don't mention a word of this to anyone! You see, I'd be disgraced if the men of the Navy learned that I can't swim!" "Don't worry, MacArthur replied. "Your secret is safe with me. I'D HATE TO HAVE MY MEN FIND OUT THAT I CAN'T WALK ON WATER!!" --On a golf outing, the President replaced General Scowcroft's golf ball with an exploding chalk ball. --the House gym, it has been written, is so often used for dates that members refer to it as "Sauna and Gomorrah" Nude Beaches and Recreation listed the Senate pool as the only place in Washington where nude swimming is allowed. --Lee Atwater's new blues album will be entitled "Red, Hot, and Blue" and some titles include: "Rescue Me" "Knock on Wood" "People, Get Ready" --In a story of his recent trip to California: "LA is my favority museum." (David Bowie) --At a second-hand garage sale: Jim and Betty Wright's dinette set, going for $300. It is a Spanish style ensemble and is wood painted "Fiesta Orange". The shop claims it not be "any piece of junk", but a "piece of history" -The last decade has brought increased an increased awareness of drugs and the drug culture. It has spawned a new "DrugSpeak". For example: news junkie political junkie support group junkie junk food junkie TV junkie antique junkie Gannett reported that "Bob Dole married a woman just like him a career-oriented political junkie." William Safire has called himself "a political junkie". The Washington Post described journalist I.F. Stone as a "news junkie"; then, when he died, they called him a "political junkie". --A mock ad in March's Washingtonian magazine touts the first "Congressional Fantasy Camp" -- the political version of baseball "fantasy camps" for overaged athletes. These campers, says the spoof, get to work with Senators Ted Kennedy, Bob Dole, Barbara Mikulski, "and all the other greats you have followed in the newspapers and watched on the evening news Also offered: Limited franking privileges Token honoraria Live C-Span coverage a 500-word "extension of remarks in the Congressional Record" -Wrought Irony: Two flags == one of the USA and the other of the USSR -- were displayed at a San Diego Press Conference ballyhooing an engagement of the Moscow Circus. The tag on the Soviet flag said "Made in the USA". The tag on the US flag said "Made in Hong Kong". (Reader's Digest/Mar 90/p.28 Tom Blair in the SD Union) MARLIN JOKES: THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON Marlin tries to be classy. Ever since that trip to Paris, I notice that when he pulls the tab off his beer cans, he sniffs them. Marlin is always expensively garbed. You should see some of the expensive garbage he wears. Marlin tried the drinking man's diet. Now he has two problems. He just doesn't take the time to think. A reporter asked him, "If the President of the United States died, who'd get the job?" He said, "A Republican undertaker." They say weighlifting builds up the chest and shoulder muscles, swimming builds up the arms, running builds up the legs Marlin, do you do a lot of horseback riding? Barbara was showing the kids the old family album, and George Jr. pointed at a picture and asked, "Who's that good looking guy with the handsome face and the big muscles?" Barbara smiled and said, "That's your father, dear." He looked at me and said, "Then, who is he?" At Tom Foley's last physical, the doctor said, "This is a personal question, but in the middle years it's important to know. Do you and your wife have any trouble with mutual satisfaction?" He said, "No sale doc, we're staying with Prudential." George Mitchell one of the guys: "My doctor says I can't play tennis anymore." And the guy says, "Oh, he's played with you, too?" Marlin wants a convertible, but he won't get one until he can find a toupee with a flesh-colored chin strap. What do you get when you put 32 Iraqi women in a room? A full set of teeth. After seeing the brutal film of the LAPD this week, I think we all owe Zsa Zsa an apology. Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass-bottomed boats? So they can see the Iraqi Air Force. Saddam's advisors get him in the corner -- whole world is allied against you; you can't go on this way. I'm not that bad; there was Hitler etc. No you are the worst. Asked the magic mirror: Mirror Mirror answer this rhyme; who is worst slime of all time Who is this Marion Barry? Grant/Dooley March 18, 1991 12 noon A:GRIDIRON PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS: GRIDIRON DINNER I held up pretty well through the "100 Day War," but I wasn't sure I'd make it through this 100 Hour Dinner. I hear they want to call it the "Mother of All Bores. " And after watching tonight's entertainment, I'll say one thing: If I had a white flag, I'd wave it. In anticipation of seeing so many reporters here tonight, The other day I asked Marlin for a list of the press corps, Broken down by sex. He said, "Actually, sir, booze is more of a problem." Wasn't (name of reporter) just great tonight? You know, he worked for many years as an itinerant musician. Then one day tragedy struck. The monkey died. Later, he took up piano -- because his beer glass kept sliding off the violin. One thing's for sure: This is one speech where I don't have to tell people to guard against euphoria. It's a pleasure to be here tonight. Always good to see Bernie Shaw sitting at the table, instead of under it. I know many of you have been roughing it lately. But Arthur Kent says it wasn't so bad staying at the Sheraton Riyadh. In fact, he said the towels were so fluffy, he could barely get his suitcase shut. I understand security is tight tonight, so I told the Secret Service I appreciated their precautions. They said it had nothing to do with me. With this crowd, the hotel's worried about the silverware. At times, I did think the war was a little too pervasive on TV. My grandkids were watching cartoons one Saturday when Wolf Blitzer broke in. He had a special report on the arsenal of weapons that the coyote was using against the road runner. Neggy Dooley, WH 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 1 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Sir Antony Acland, Ambassador of Great Britain Rennert AUCTION Gordon Adams, Washington, D. C. Adams, R. GUEST Robert E. Adams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Adams, R. MEMBER William E. Ahearn, Associated Press Mears GUEST Sheik Saud Nasir Al-Sabah, Ambassador of Kuwait Geyer AUCTION Madeleine Albright, Washington, D. C. Lewine GUEST The Secretary of Education, Designate Rowan AUCTION Joe Allbritton, Washington, D. C. Reed GUEST Robert W. Alvord, Washington, D. C. Club VIP Jim Amoss, New Orleans Times-Picayune Poe GUEST Harold W. Andersen, Omaha World-Herald Olofson GUEST Jacques Andreani, Ambassador of France Lewis, C. AUCTION Dwayne O. Andreas, Decatur, Illinois Reed GUEST George P. Anthan, Des Moines Register Anthan MEMBER Garner Anthony, Honolulu, Hawaii Thompson, G. GUEST R. W. Apple, Jr., New York Times Apple MEMBER Peter Arnett, Jerusalem Novak GUEST Arthur W. Arundel, The Plains, Virginia Reed GUEST Cheryl Arvidson, Dallas Times Herald Arvidson MEMBER John Ashcroft, Governor of Missouri Novak AUCTION Les Aspin, Representative from Wisconsin Weaver GUEST Norman R. Augustine, Potomac, Maryland Phillips GUEST Raymond Avansino, Reno, Nevada Deverich GUEST Charles W. Bailey, II, Washington, D. C. Bailey MEMBER Richard Bain, Orlando, Florida Bourgeois GUEST Mrs. Baker Club VIP The Secretary of State Club VIP William M. Baker, Washington, D. C. Ostrow GUEST Prince Bandar Bin Sultan, Ambassador of Saudi Nelson, J. AUCTION Arabia Leland A. Bandy, Knight-Ridder Newspapers Bandy MEMBER Mark Barabak, Copley News Service Lewis, F. GUEST Fred Barbash, Washington Post Broder GUEST James David Barber, Durham, North Carolina Raspberry GUEST David L. Barnett, Alexandria, Virginia Barnett MEMBER Jane Barnett-Hanson, New York Barnett GUEST Peter Barr, Orlando, Florida Groer GUEST Stephen Barr, Washington Post McGrory GUEST Charles L. Bartlett, Washington, D. C. Bartlett MEMBER Robert Bartley, Wall Street Journal Otten GUEST James K. Batten, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Grady GUEST B. Evan Bayh, III, Governor of Indiana McDaniel AUCTION William L. Beale, Jr., Washington, D.C. Beale MEMBER Robert Beatty, Detroit, Michigan Rowan GUEST Richard Beckler, Washington, D. C. Arvidson GUEST David Beckwith, Washington, D. C. Novak AUCTION Frank A. Bennack, Jr., Hearst Corp. Lewis, C. GUEST Luella Bennack, New York Lewis, C. GUEST Freda Sperling Benson, San Francisco, California Club VIP Jackson Jerald Benson, LaMesa, California Club VIP Lloyd Bentsen, Senator from Texas Leubsdorf AUCTION Simon Michael Bessie, New York Bailey GUEST James M. Biggar, Solon, Ohio Brazaitis GUEST Cathleen Black, USA Today Ryan, R. GUEST Robert P. Black, Richmond, Virginia Silverman GUEST William F. Black, Washington, D. C. Deverich GUEST Herbert L. Block, Washington Post Block MEMBER John Robinson Block, Blade Communications Powell GUEST 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 2 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Stanton J. Bluestone, Milwaukee, Wisconsin Novak GUEST Herbert C. Blunck, Washington, D. C. Deverich MEMBER Louis D. Boccardi, Associated Press Mears GUEST Roy E. Bode, Dallas Times Herald Arvidson GUEST Richard N. Bond, Shelter Island, New York Page GUEST Charles Borst, Knight-Ridder Newspapers Bandy GUEST Michael J. Boskin, Washington, D. C. Lewis, C. AUCTION Col. John R. Bourgeois, USMC Bourgeois MEMBER Donald C. Bowersock, Boston, Massachusetts Sperling GUEST Gerald Boyd, New York Times Weaver GUEST Robert S. Boyd, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Boyd MEMBER The Secretary of the Treasury Cooper AUCTION Thomas J. Brazaitis, Cleveland Plain Dealer Brazaitis MEMBER Adm. Carl A. Brettschneider, USN Duvall GUEST David S. Broder, Washington Post Broder MEMBER Warren Brookes, Detroit News Ryan, R. GUEST William W. Broom, Villanova, Pennsylvania Broom MEMBER Ann Brown, Washington, D. C. Rowan GUEST Donald A. Brown, Washington, D. C. Rowan GUEST Ronald Brown, Washington, D. C. Cohen AUCTION Evangeline Bruce, Washington, D. C. Geyelin GUEST J. Stewart Bryan, III, Media General Hall GUEST Zbigniew Brzezinski, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST Jennie Buckner, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Boyd GUEST William R. Burleigh, Scripps Howard Thomasson GUEST Derek Burney, Ambassador of Canada Emory AUCTION Ken Burns, Walpole, New Hampshire McDowell AUCTION Horace W. Busby, Washington, D. C. Mayer GUEST Mrs. Bush Club VIP The President of the United States Club VIP Harry F. Byrd, Jr., Winchester, Virginia McDowell-Poe AUCTION John Calloway, Chicago, Illinois Neikirk GUEST Carroll A. Campbell, Jr., Governor of South Bandy AUCTION Carolina Don Campbell, Washington, D. C. Ringle GUEST Richard G. Capen, Jr., Knight-Ridder Boyd GUEST Milt Capps, United Press International Wiessler GUEST Capt. Dennis E. Carroll, USMC Foley GUEST John S. Carroll, Baltimore Sun and Evening Sun Furgurson GUEST Chris Casteel, Daily Oklahoman Cromley GUEST Michael N. Castle, Governor of Deleware Novak AUCTION Richard Cattani, Christian Science Monitor Sperling GUEST Henry E. Catto, Ambassador to Great Britain Rowan GUEST Olga M. Chaffee, Boston, Massachusetts Sperling GUEST Ward G. Chamberlin, Washington, D. C. Emory GUEST John Chancellor, New York Mears AUCTION Lynn V. Cheney, Washington, D. C. Means AUCTION The Secretary of Defense Apple AUCTION William P. Cheshire, Arizona Republic Cole GUEST Lawton Chiles, Governor of Florida Hunt AUCTION Pat Choate, Washington, D. C. Cromley AUCTION Clark Clifford, Washington, D.C. Furgurson AUCTION Eleanor Clift, Washington, D. C. Jaques GUEST Bill Clinton, Governor of Arkansas Broder AUCTION William Coblentz, McClatchy Newspapers Rennert GUEST Raymond R. Coffey, Chicago Sun-Times Coffey MEMBER Shelby Coffey, Los Angeles Times Ostrow GUEST Ronald E. Cohen, Gannett Co., Inc. Cohen MEMBER 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 3 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Benjamin R. Cole, Arlington, Virginia Cole MEMBER George E. Condon, Jr., Copley News Service Condon MEMBER John Conomikes, Hearst Corp. Means GUEST David Cook, Boston, Massachusetts Sperling GUEST Richard T. Cooper, Los Angeles Times Cooper MEMBER Peter M. Copeland, Scripps Howard McFeatters GUEST Robert E. Cramer, Representative from Alabama Free GUEST Joseph R. Crapa, Alexandria, Virginia Kole GUEST Allan W. Cromley, Daily Oklahoman Cromley MEMBER John J. Curley, Gannett Co., Inc. Curley MEMBER B. J. Cutler, Scripps Howard Cutler MEMBER J. Robert Cutter, Arlington, Virginia Sult GUEST Joseph D'Angelo, King Features Syndicate Rowan GUEST Mark Dacey, Chicago Sun-Times Watson GUEST Gen. John R. Dailey, USMC Perry, J. AUCTION Rex Damschroder, Fremont, Ohio Powell GUEST Frank A. Daniels, Jr., Raleigh News and Observer Mears GUEST Robert Danzig, Hearst Corp. Means GUEST Richard G. Darman, Washington, D. C. Hunt AUCTION Steve Davis, USA Today Cohen GUEST C. Williamson Day, Reston, Virginia terHorst GUEST Robert Decherd, A. H. Belo Corp. Leubsdorf GUEST David F. Demarest, Jr., Washington, D. C. Condon AUCTION Moise W. Dennery, New Orleans, Louisiana Poe GUEST The Secretary of Veterans Affairs Novak AUCTION Kevin Deverich, Washington, D. C. Deverich MEMBER Caroline Diamond, Patriot News Free GUEST Charles J. DiBona, Washington, D. C. Lastelic GUEST Grant Dillman, Alexandria, Virginia Dillman MEMBER Gregory Dillon, Beverly Hills, California Deverich GUEST David Dinkins, Mayor of New York Weaver AUCTION Muriel Dobbin, McClatchy Newspapers Dobbin MEMBER Brian J. Donnelly, Gannett Co., Inc. Ryan, R. GUEST Brian T. Donnelly, Mt. Ranier, Maryland Donnelly MEMBER Edwin Dorn, Burke, Virginia Raspberry GUEST Robert Douglas, Washington, D. C. Geyelin GUEST Netty Douglass, Christian Science Publishing Sperling GUEST Society Richard B. Dudman, Ellsworth, Maine Dudman MEMBER Paul Duke, Washington, D. C. Geyer GUEST Fred Dutton, Washington, D. C. Miller, N. GUEST John H. Duvall, Alexandria, Virginia Duvall MEMBER Laurence C. Eklund, Bethesda, Maryland Eklund MEMBER Mel Elfin, Washington, D. C. Glass GUEST Robert M. Ellison, Washington, D.C. O'Rourke-Poe AUCTION Alan S. Emory, Watertown Daily Times Emory MEMBER Eric S. Emory, Katonah, New York Emory GUEST James S. Evans, Media General Hall GUEST Rowland Evans, Jr., Chicago Sun-Times Novak GUEST William Evans, Dallas Morning News Leubsdorf GUEST Frank E. Everest, Jr., Alexandria, Virginia Ribble GUEST Jean Everest, Alexandria, Virginia Ribble GUEST Neil Fabricant, New York terHorst GUEST Thomas L. Farmer, Washington, D. C. Dudman GUEST Mimi A. Feller, Gannett Co., Inc. Anthan GUEST Harvey S. Fenster, Bethesda, Maryland Karr GUEST Dan Fesperman, Baltimore Sun Club VIP Robert G. Fichenberg, Newhouse Newspapers Fichenberg MEMBER 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 4 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Jerald Finch, Richmond News Leader Hall GUEST Laurie Firestone, Washington, D. C. Bourgeois GUEST Douglas O. Fitzsimmons, Washington, D.C. Beale GUEST Marlin Fitzwater, Washington, D. C. Thomas AUCTION Earl W. Foell, Boston, Massachusetts Sperling GUEST Heather Foley, Washington, D. C. Club VIP The Speaker of the House of Representatives Club VIP Maj. Timothy W. Foley, USMC Foley MEMBER John C. Fontaine, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Boyd GUEST Wendell Ford, Senator from Kentucky Lewis, K. AUCTION Glen Fortinberry, Detroit, Michigan Rowan GUEST Giraud V. Foster, Baltimore, Maryland Cutler GUEST Norman C. Frances, New Orleans, Louisiana Poe GUEST Max Frankel, New York Times Frankel MEMBER James S. Free, Bethesda, Maryland Free MEMBER William H. Freivogel, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Adams, R. GUEST John E. Frohnmayer, Washington, D. C. Groer GUEST Ernest B. Furgurson, Baltimore Sun Furgurson MEMBER James P. Gannon, Detroit News Ryan, R. GUEST Robert A. Georgine, Washington, D. C. Silverman AUCTION Richard Gergle, Washington, D. C. Ritter GUEST Jack W. Germond, Baltimore Evening Sun Germond MEMBER Philip L. Geyelin, Washington, D. C. Geyelin MEMBER Sherry Geyelin, Washington, D. C. Geyelin GUEST Georgie Anne Geyer, Universal Press Syndicate Geyer MEMBER Phillip S. Giaramita, Herndon, Virginia Phillips GUEST Gwen Gibson, Alexandria, Virginia Dillman GUEST Robert H. Giles, Detroit News Ryan, R. GUEST Newt Gingrich, Representative from Georgia Novak AUCTION Andrew J. Glass, Cox Newspapers Glass MEMBER Alixe Glen, Washington, D. C. Page GUEST David U. Gogol, Washington, D. C. McDaniel GUEST Victor Gold, Falls Church, Virginia Nelson, J. GUEST Neil Goldberg, Syracuse, New York McCarthy GUEST Steve Goldberg, Media General Hall GUEST Steve Goldstein, Washington, D. C. Wieck MEMBER John T. Gould, Jr., Stamford, Connecticut Larrabee GUEST Phil G. Goulding, Potomac, Maryland Wiese GUEST Vicki Gowler, Knight-Ridder Newspapers Bandy GUEST Ernest D. Grady, Philadelphia Daily News Grady MEMBER Henry F. Graff, Scarsdale, New York Emory GUEST Donald E. Graham, Washington Post Johnson GUEST Katharine Graham, Washington Post Block GUEST Walter Graham, Alexandria, Virginia Hunter GUEST Gen. Alfred M. Gray, Jr., USMC Apple AUCTION Nancy L. Green, Springfield News-Leader Mears GUEST Stephen J. Green, Copley News Service Lewis, F. GUEST William C. Green, Huntsville Times Free GUEST Meg Greenfield, Washington Post Raspberry GUEST Alan Greenspan, Chairman, Federal Reserve Board Thomasson AUCTION Thomas H. Greer, Cleveland Plain Dealer Brazaitis GUEST Anne L. Groer, Orlando Sentinel Groer MEMBER Richard N. Haass, Washington, D. C. Page GUEST John Hager, Messenger-Inquirer Lewis, K. GUEST Marcia L. Hale, Washington, D. C. Johnson GUEST Elliott S. Hall, Washington, D. C. terHorst GUEST John N. Hall, Media General Hall MEMBER Robert J. Hall, Philadelphia Inquirer & Daily Broom GUEST 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 5 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS News Ashley Halsley, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Boyd GUEST William B. Hamilton, Washington Post McGrory GUEST Edward T. Hanley, Washington, D. C. Silverman AUCTION Jorgen H. Hansen, Atlanta, Georgia Deverich GUEST Michael C. Hanson, New York Barnett GUEST William Harlow, Washington, D. C. Rennert GUEST Barbara Harris, Washington, D. C. Jaques GUEST Virginia S. Harris, Boston, Massachusetts Sperling GUEST Peter D. Hart, Washington, D. C. Johnson GUEST Richard Harwood, Washington Post Johnson GUEST Robert Haught, Daily Oklahoman Cromley GUEST Teddy Hawkins, Montclair, New Jersey Duvall GUEST Wilton Hawkins, Montclair, New Jersey Duvall GUEST Jon Healey, Winston-Salem Journal McDowell GUEST Robert L. Healy, Cohasset, Massachusetts Healy MEMBER Randolph A. Hearst, Hearst Corp. Lewis, C. GUEST Veronica Hearst, New York Lewis, C. GUEST William Hellman, Chicago, Illinois Watson GUEST David Hendin, United Media Thomasson GUEST Bob Herbert, New York Daily News Jackman GUEST Rafael Hernandez-Colon, Governor of Puerto Rico Geyer AUCTION Peter Hillan, Dallas Times Herald Arvidson GUEST G. Robert Hillman, Dallas Morning News Lewis, K. GUEST Carla A. Hills, U.S. Trade Representative Nelson, J. AUCTION Cragg Hines, Houston Chronicle Hines MEMBER John H. Hoagland, Jr., Christian Science Sperling GUEST Publishing Society Claude E. Hobbs, Jr., Washington, D. C. Ryan, M. GUEST David Hoffman, Washington Post Block GUEST James Hoge, New York Daily News Nelson, L. GUEST Ede Holiday, Washington, D. C. Nelson, J. GUEST Jane Hollister, Fairfax, Virginia Matarrese GUEST Capt. Richard M. Hoover, USN Duvall GUEST Joan Kelly Horne, Representative from Missouri Adams, R. GUEST Nicholas Horrock, Chicago Tribune Horrock MEMBER James I. Houck, Baltimore Sun Furgurson GUEST Toni House, Washington, D.C. McKinney AUCTION Jack R. Howard, Scripps Howard Cutler GUEST Sherry Howard, Knight-Ridder Newspapers Bandy GUEST Thomas Howard, Richmond Times-Dispatch Hall GUEST Deborah Howell, Newhouse Newspapers Fichenberg GUEST Clark Hoyt, Knight-Ridder Newspapers Bandy GUEST Albert R. Hunt, Wall Street Journal Hunt MEMBER Marjorie Hunter, Washington, D. C. Hunter MEMBER Stanley Ikenberry, Urbana, Illinois Sperling GUEST Thayer Illsley, Washington, D. C. Jackman AUCTION John Iltis, Chicago, Illinois Watson GUEST Francis P. Jackman, New York Daily News Jackman MEMBER Eli S. Jacobs, New York Germond GUEST Milton G. Jaques, Washington, D. C. Jaques MEMBER William J. Jefferson, Representative from Poe GUEST Louisiana Franklyn G. Jenifer, Washington, D.C. Rowan AUCTION Catherine C. Johnson, Watertown Daily Times Emory GUEST Haynes Johnson, Washington Post Johnson MEMBER John B. Johnson, Sr., Watertown Daily Times Emory GUEST Richard J. V. Johnson, Houston Chronicle Hines GUEST 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 6 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Robert M. Johnson, Newsday Page GUEST Sandy Johnson, Associated Press Mears GUEST W. Thomas Johnson, Atlanta, Georgia Lewine GUEST Laurence Jolidon, USA Today Ringle GUEST David R. Jones, New York Times Weaver GUEST Vernon Jordan, Washington, D. C. Hunt GUEST W. J. Julian, Knoxville, Tennessee Foley GUEST Karen Jurgensen, USA Today Cohen GUEST Kathryn Kahler, Newhouse Newspapers Fichenberg AUCTION Gladys Karr, Chevy Chase, Maryland Karr GUEST Lester B. Karr, Chevy Chase, Maryland Karr MEMBER Nancy Kassebaum, Senator from Kansas Kilpatrick GUEST Helen Kaufman, New York Fichenberg GUEST Irving R. Kaufman, New York Fichenberg GUEST Ronald C. Kaufman, Washington, D. C. Condon GUEST Stella Kaufman, Ann Arbor, Michigan Thomas GUEST William J. Keating, Cincinnati Enquirer Rosenthal GUEST John Keller, Washington, D. C. Deverich GUEST Ed Kelley, Daily Oklahoman Cromley GUEST Justice Kennedy Rennert AUCTION George Kentera, Pinefurst, North Carolina Grady GUEST Richard Kerr, Washington, D. C. Ostrow GUEST James Jackson Kilpatrick, Universal Press Kilpatrick MEMBER Syndicate Colbert King, Washington Post Raspberry GUEST Joseph Kingsbury-Smith, Hearst Corp. Means GUEST Lane Kirkland, Washington, D.C. Johnson AUCTION Herbert G. Klein, Copley Newspapers Condon GUEST Virginia Ted J. Kleisner, White Sulphur Springs, West Club VIP James Klurfeld, Newsday Klurfeld MEMBER Ted Knap, McLean, Virginia Knap MEMBER John W. Kole, Arlington, Virginia Kole MEMBER David Kraslow, Cox Newspapers Kraslow MEMBER Otto Kreisher, Copley News Service Lewis, F. GUEST William Kristol, Washington, D. C. Cooper GUEST Peter J. Kumpa, Lutherville, Maryland Kumpa MEMBER Benjamin B. Lacy, Washington, D. C. Reed GUEST Melvin R. Laird, Washington, D.C. Broder AUCTION Brian Lamb, Washington, D.C. Brazaitis AUCTION Donald R. Larrabee, Bethesda, Maryland Larrabee MEMBER Joseph A. Lastelic, Alexandria, Virginia Lastelic MEMBER James H. Latimer, Richmond, Virginia McDowell GUEST David Laventhol, Los Angeles Times Cooper GUEST Eppie Lederer, Chicago Tribune Neikirk GUEST Jim Lehrer, Washington, D.C. Ross GUEST Morris Leibman, Chicago, Illinois Geyer GUEST Harry Leinenweber, Chicago, Illinois Broder GUEST Joseph Lelyveld, New York Times Apple GUEST John Lemmon, Baltimore Evening Sun Germond GUEST Lawrence A. Leser, Scripps Howard Thomasson GUEST Carl P. Leubsdorf, Dallas Morning News Leubsdorf MEMBER Francis L. Lewine, Washington, D. C. Lewine MEMBER Charles J. Lewis, Hearst Newspapers Lewis, C. MEMBER Finlay Lewis, Copley News Service Lewis, F. MEMBER Kathy Lewis, Dallas Morning News Lewis, K. MEMBER Lou Liay, Urbana, Illinois Club VIP Harold R. Lifvendahl, Orlando Sentinel Groer GUEST 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 7 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Murray B. Light, Buffalo News McCarthy GUEST Sol M. Linowitz, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST Stanford Lipsey, Buffalo News McCarthy GUEST Neil Livingstone, Washington, D. C. Dobbin GUEST Jack Loftis, Houston Chronicle Hines GUEST Harold Logan, Macon, Georgia Club VIP Gen. John M. Loh, USAF Nelson, J. AUCTION Ralph E. Looney, Albuquerque, New Mexico Thomasson GUEST Doree Lovell, Baltimore Sun Block GUEST Bill Lowrey, Representative from California Lewis, F. GUEST Joan Lowy, Scripps Howard McFeatters GUEST The Secretary of the Interior Wieck AUCTION Ray Mabus, Governor of Mississippi Raspberry AUCTION Alex Machaskee, Cleveland Plain Dealer Brazaitis GUEST Robert MacNeil, New York Apple AUCTION Eddie Mahe, Jr., Washington, D. C. Wieck MEMBER Julia Malone, Cox Newspapers Kraslow GUEST Frank Mankiewicz, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST Leonard H. Marks, Washington, D. C. Reed GUEST David O'B. Martin, Representative from New York Emory GUEST Edmund O. Martin, Daily Oklahoman Cromley GUEST The Secretary of Labor Broder AUCTION James P. Maselan, Boston, Massachusetts Prina GUEST John Mashek, Boston Globe Healy GUEST Ike Massey, Dallas Times Herald Arvidson GUEST Antony F. Matarrese, Woodbridge, Virginia Matarrese MEMBER Ann Maurer, New York Means GUEST Gil Maurer, Hearst Corp. Means GUEST Robert Maxwell, New York Daily News Nelson, L. GUEST Margaret Mayer, Washington, D. C. Mayer MEMBER John H. McAuliffe, Bethesda, Maryland Sperling GUEST Mary McAuliffe, Bethesda, Maryland Sperling GUEST Mavyn McAuliffe, Bethesda, Maryland Sperling GUEST Richard Max McCarthy, Buffalo News McCarthy MEMBER James H. McCartney, Washington, D. C. McCartney MEMBER James McClatchy, McClatchy Newspapers Rennert GUEST Fredrick D. McClure, Washington, D.C. Arvidson AUCTION Douglas H. McCorkindale, Gannett Co., Inc. Curley GUEST Dave McCurdy, Representative from Oklahoma Cromley GUEST G. E. McDavid, Houston Chronicle Hines GUEST Charles McDowell, Richmond Times-Dispatch McDowell MEMBER Ann C. McFeatters McFeatters MEMBER Dale B. McFeatters, Scripps Howard McFeatters GUEST Mary McGrory, Washington Post McGrory MEMBER Sam McKeel, Chicago Sun-Times Novak GUEST Joan McKinney, Baton Rouge Morning Advocate and McKinney MEMBER State-Times William McManus, Washington, D. C. Deverich GUEST John McMeel, Universal Press Syndicate Geyer GUEST Tom McNamara, USA Today Cohen GUEST Marianne Means, Hearst Newspapers Means MEMBER Walter R. Mears, Associated Press Mears MEMBER Robert H. Michel, Representative from Illinois Germond AUCTION Peter L. Milius, Washington Post Broder GUEST John D. Miller, New York Watson GUEST Lenore Miller, Washington, D. C. Reed AUCTION Loye W. Miller, Jr., Washington, D.C. Miller, L. MEMBER Norman C. Miller, Los Angeles Times Miller, N. MEMBER 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 8 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Susan H. Miller, Scripps Howard McFeatters GUEST Thomas V. Mike Miller, Jr., Annapolis, Maryland Kumpa GUEST Stacey Mobley, Chevy Chase, Maryland Raspberry GUEST C. Raymond Mollenhoff, Jr., Olney, Maryland Mollenhoff GUEST John Moore, Scripps Howard Thomasson GUEST Richard A. Moore, U. S. Ambassador to Ireland Bartlett GUEST Martin W. Morris, Washington, D. C. McDaniel GUEST John Morrocco, Washington, D. C. Phillips GUEST Georgette Mosbacher, Washington, D. C. Brazaitis GUEST The Secretary of Commerce Brazaitis AUCTION Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Senator from New York Emory GUEST Robert Mrzak, Representative from New York Klurfeld GUEST Ed Mullinax, Amherst, Ohio Brazaitis GUEST Ryohei Murata, Ambassador of Japan Rennert AUCTION Reg Murphy, Baltimore Sun Club VIP Alan Murray, Wall Street Journal Perry, J. GUEST Vera Murray, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST Edmund Muskie, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST William R. Neikirk, Chicago Tribune Neikirk MEMBER Ben Nelson, Governor of Nebraska Olofson AUCTION Gaylord Nelson, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST Jack Nelson, Los Angeles Times Nelson, J. MEMBER Lars Erik Nelson, New York Daily News Jackman MEMBER Richard A. Nenneman, Christian Science Monitor Sperling GUEST Alex Netchvolodoff, Washington, D. C. Glass GUEST Richard Newcombe, Los Angeles, California Neikirk GUEST Mark Newhouse, Newark Star Ledger Free GUEST Paul Nine, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan Thomas GUEST William H. Noack, Washington, D.C. Cohen AUCTION William Ward Nooter, Washington, D. C. Free GUEST Robert D. Novak, Chicago Sun-Times Novak MEMBER Edward W. O'Brien, McLean, Virginia O'Brien MEMBER Julia O'Brien, Washington, D. C. O'Brien GUEST Patrick T. O'Brien, Associated Press Mears GUEST Theodore W. O'Brien, Baltimore, Maryland O'Brien GUEST John W. O'Connell, Potomac, Maryland Geyelin GUEST William G. O'Donnell, Brooklyn, New York Bourgeois GUEST William F. O'Keefe, Fairfax Station, Virginia Wiese GUEST Lawrence M. O'Rourke, St. Louis Post-Dispatch O'Rourke MEMBER Darwin R. Olofson, Johns Island, South Carolina Olofson MEMBER John Omicinski, Gannett News Service Ringle GUEST Burl Osborne, Dallas Morning News Leubsdorf AUCTION Ronald J. Ostrow, Los Angeles Times Ostrow MEMBER Alan L. Otten, Bethesda, Maryland Otten MEMBER Clarence Page, Chicago Tribune Horrock GUEST Susan Page, Newsday Page MEMBER John W. Palmer, Manhattan Beach, California Larrabee GUEST Richard Parker, Albuquerque Journal Wieck MEMBER Jane Pauley, New York Thomasson GUEST Bill Paulson, Butterfield, Minnesota Ryan, M. GUEST Tony Pederson, Houston Chronicle Hines GUEST Nancy Pelosi, Representative from California Dobbin GUEST George A. Pera, Alexandria, Virginia Lastelic GUEST Charles H. Percy, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST Anna Perez, Washington, D.C. Page AUCTION James M. Perry, Wall Street Journal Perry, J. MEMBER Janice Boe Perry, Bethesda, Maryland Stranahan GUEST William Dial Perry, Bethesda, Maryland Stranahan GUEST 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 9 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS William Dial Perry, Jr., Washington, D. C. Stranahan GUEST Robert E. Petersen, Washington, D. C. Hines AUCTION Arthur E. Peterson, Keyser, West Virginia Olofson GUEST Gordon Peterson, Washington, D. C. Kilpatrick GUEST Thomas Petzinger, Jr., Wall Street Journal Perry, J. GUEST Ashton Phelps, Jr., Times-Picayune Publishing Poe GUEST Corp. Adon W. Phillips, Orlando, Florida Phillips MEMBER Bill Phillips, Washington, D. C. Lewis, K. GUEST Warren Phillips, Wall Street Journal Hunt GUEST Kenneth Pins, Des Moines Register Anthan GUEST Ognian Pishev, Ambassador of Bulgaria McGrory GUEST Edgar A. Poe, New Orleans Times-Picayune Poe MEMBER Roman Popadiuk, Washington, D. C. Lewis, K. GUEST Roger B. Porter, Washington, D.C. Broder AUCTION Erwin Potts, McClatchy Newspapers Rennert GUEST Gen. Colin Powell, USA Rosenthal AUCTION Roland A. Powell, Wheaton, Maryland Powell MEMBER Peter Prichard, USA Today Cohen GUEST L. Edgar Prina, Washington, D. C. Prina MEMBER Lee-Lee Prina, Washington, D. C. Prina GUEST Michael Putzel, Associated Press Rosenthal GUEST The Vice President of the United States Club VIP Mrs. Quayle Club VIP Mary Kay Quinlan, Arlington, Virginia Quinlan MEMBER Paul E. Quinlan, Lincoln, Nebraska Quinlan GUEST Chris Railey, River Ridge, Louisiana Donnelly GUEST Ty Railey, River Ridge, Louisiana Donnelly GUEST Howell Raines, New York Times Frankel GUEST William J. Raspberry, Washington Post Raspberry MEMBER Joseph V. Reed, Chief of Protocol Thomas GUEST Lawrence A. Reed, Midland, Michigan Ritter GUEST T. Dean Reed, Purcellville, Virginia Reed MEMBER Barbara Rehm, New York Daily News Jackman GUEST John W. Reid, Associated Press Mears GUEST Anne Reifenberg, Dallas Morning News Leubsdorf GUEST Leo Rennert, McClatchy Newspapers Rennert MEMBER James Reston, Sr., New York Times Reston MEMBER Sally Reston, Washington, D. C. Reston GUEST John F. Ribble, III, Alexandria, Virginia Ribble GUEST Maureen Ribble, Alexandria, Virginia Ribble MEMBER Donald B. Rice, Secretary of the Air Force O'Rourke AUCTION Robert E. Rich, Jr., Buffalo, New York McCarthy GUEST Ann Richards, Governor of Texas Hines AUCTION Earl H. Richert, Evansville, Indiana Richert MEMBER Thomas Ricks, Wall Street Journal Otten GUEST Marie Ridder, Washington, D. C. McCartney GUEST P. Anthony Ridder, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Boyd GUEST John Riggens, Washington, D.C. Nelson, J. AUCTION William M. Ringle, McLean, Virginia Ringle MEMBER Robert Ritter, Gannett News Service Ringle GUEST Rodney B. Ritter, Waldorf, Maryland Ritter GUEST William E. Ritter, Mechanicsburg, Maryland Ritter GUEST William O. Ritter, Lothian, Maryland Ritter MEMBER Gregory R. Robards, Westwood, Kansas Lastelic GUEST Chuck Robb, Senator from Virginia Reed AUCTION Gilbert A. Robinson, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST John D. Rockefeller, IV, Senator from West Sperling GUEST 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 10 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Virginia Edward M. Rogers, Jr., Washington, D. C. Bandy AUCTION Robert E. Rogers, Great Falls, Virginia Ryan, M. GUEST Sean J. Rogers, Washington, D. C. Rogers GUEST Warren Rogers, Washington, D. C. Rogers MEMBER Ed Rollins, Washington, D. C. Nelson, L. AUCTION Roy Romer, Governor of Colorado Broder AUCTION Susan Porter Rose, Washington, D. C. terHorst AUCTION A. M. Rosenthal, New York Times Apple GUEST Harry F. Rosenthal, Associated Press Rosenthal MEMBER Guinilla Ross, New York Wise GUEST Thomas B. Ross, New York Ross MEMBER Al Rossiter, United Press International Thomas GUEST Carl T. Rowan, Chicago Sun-Times Rowan MEMBER Carl T. Rowan, Jr., Washington, D. C. Rowan GUEST Charles S. Rowe, Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star Mears GUEST Morton J. Rubin, Bethesda, Maryland Eklund GUEST Dr. Juergen Rufus, Ambassador of Germany Perry, J. AUCTION Frank E. Russell, Central Newspapers, Inc. McDaniel GUEST Timothy Russert, Washington, D. C. Perry, J. GUEST MGy/Sgt. Michael S. Ryan, USMC Ryan, M. MEMBER Richard A. Ryan, Detroit News Ryan, R. MEMBER Trixie Ryan, Lothian, Maryland Ryan, M. GUEST William Safire, New York Times Hunter GUEST Fred Salerno, White Plains, New York Page GUEST Bruce Sanford, Washington, D. C. Cutler GUEST Paul Saunier, Jr., Charlottesville, Virginia McDowell GUEST Richard Savitt, New York Thompson, G. GUEST Lloyd G. Schermer, Lee Enterprises Mears AUCTION Richard T. Schlosberg, III, Times-Mirror Co. Germond GUEST Patricia Schroeder, Representative from Colorado McCartney AUCTION Arthur Schultz, Sun-Times Company Coffey GUEST Harry Schwarz, Ambassador of South Africa Kilpatrick GUEST David W. Scott, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan terHorst GUEST Gen. Brent Scowcroft, Washington, D. C. Hines AUCTION Charles E. Scripps, Scripps Howard Cutler GUEST Marilyn J. Scripps, Cincinnati, Ohio Thomasson GUEST Mark Seibel, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Boyd GUEST L. William Seidman, Chairman, FDIC Otten AUCTION John L. Selover, Boston, Massachusetts Sperling GUEST William Sessions, Director, Federal Bureau of Ostrow AUCTION Investigation Bernard Shaw, Takoma Park, Maryland Novak AUCTION Gaylord Shaw, Newsday Page GUEST Robert D. Shaw, Jr., Knight-Ridder, Inc. Grady GUEST Leonard Shaykin, New York Coffey GUEST James Sheehan, A. H. Belo Corp. Leubsdorf GUEST Frank H. Shepherd, Scripps Howard Thomasson GUEST Mark Shields, Washington, D. C. Sperling GUEST Benjamin R. Shore, Copley News Service Condon GUEST Gen. Denis L. Shortal, USMCR Shortal GUEST Terence Michael Shortal, McLean, Virginia Shortal MEMBER Valman Shovall, Ambassador of Israel Dobbin GUEST Michael Shultz, Baltimore Evening Sun Germond GUEST Alvin Silverman, Washington, D. C. Silverman MEMBER Richard D. Simmons, Washington Post Broder GUEST John R. Simpson, Director, Secret Service terHorst AUCTION Molly Sinclair, Washington Post McCartney GUEST 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 11 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS William C. Sjoberg, Lubbock, Texas Mayer GUEST The Secretary of Transportation Page AUCTION Patrick J. Sloyan, Newsday Hall GUEST Hampton Smith, Lexington, Virginia Mollenhoff GUEST Hedrick L. Smith, Chevy Chase, Maryland Smith MEMBER Liz Smith, New York Daily News Jackman GUEST Richard Smyser, Newcastle, New Hampshire Smith GUEST Richard Snelling, Governor of Vermont Cohen AUCTION Vincent Sombrotto, Washington, D. C. Reed AUCTION Justice Souter Nelson, L. AUCTION Stuart Spencer, Irvine, California Dobbin GUEST Betty Sperling, Chevy Chase, Maryland Sperling GUEST Godfrey Sperling, Jr., Christian Science Monitor Sperling MEMBER Alvin A. Spivak, Bethesda, Maryland Cromley GUEST James D. Squires, Nonesuch, Kentucky Thomasson GUEST Benson Srere, Hearst Corp. Means GUEST James Standard, Daily Oklahoman Cromley GUEST Frank Starr, Baltimore Sun Furgurson GUEST Paul Steiger, Wall Street Journal Otten GUEST Laura Sessions Stepp, Washington Post Broder GUEST Hans Sternberg, Baton Rouge, Louisiana Groer GUEST Joseph R. L. Sterne, Baltimore Sun Club GUEST Roger Stevens, Washington, D.C. Horrock AUCTION James Stewart, Wall Street Journal Perry, J. GUEST Matt Storin, New York Daily News Nelson, L. GUEST Richard Stormont, Atlanta, Georgia Shortal GUEST Louise Perry Stranahan, Bethesda, Maryland Stranahan GUEST Robert P. Stranahan, Jr., Bethesda, Maryland Stranahan MEMBER Helen Strauss, Washington, D.C. Club VIP Robert Strauss, Washington, D. C. Club VIP Reginald Stuart, Knight-Ridder, Inc. McCartney GUEST The Secretary of Health and Human Services Horrock AUCTION Ernest P. Sult, Springfield, Virginia Sult MEMBER Stephen C. Sult, Burke, Virginia Sult GUEST Arthur O. Sulzberger, Sr., New York Times Apple GUEST Arthur O. Sulzberger, Jr., New York Times Apple GUEST John Sununu, Washington, D.C. Nelson, J. AUCTION Stephen N. Taft, Washington, D.C. Larrabee GUEST TBA Ringle GUEST Pete Teeley, Washington, D. C. Cooper GUEST Wick Temple, Associated Press Rosenthal GUEST Jerald F. terHorst, Alexandria, Virginia terHorst MEMBER J. William Theis, III, Cincinnati, Ohio Theis GUEST J. William Theis, College Park, Maryland Theis MEMBER Helen Thomas, United Press International Thomas MEMBER Dan K. Thomasson, Scripps Howard Thomasson MEMBER Alan R. Thompson, Scripps Howard Knap GUEST Robert E. Thompson, Hearst Newspapers Thompson, R. MEMBER Tommy Thompson, Governor of Wisconsin Hunt AUCTION The Attorney General Ostrow AUCTION William T. Tobin, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania McCarthy GUEST Ernest Tollerson, Newsday Page GUEST Kenneth Y. Tomlinson, Pleasantville, New York Novak GUEST Vance H. Trimble, Covington, Kentucky Richert GUESTI Hugh Trout, Washington, D. C. Ostrow GUEST Garry Trudeau, Universal Press Service Wieghart GUEST Paul Tully, Washington, D. C. Lewis, F. GUEST Ed Turner, Atlanta, Georgia Novak GUEST 1991 Spring Dinner Guest List page 12 3/19/91 LISTING HOST CLASS Adm. Stansfield Turner, McLean, Virginia Sperling GUEST Margaret Tutweiler, Washington, D.C. Lewis, K. AUCTION Joseph M. Ungaro, Detroit Newspaper Agency Ryan, R. GUEST Jack Valenti, Washington, D. C. Glass GUEST Abigail Van Buren, United Feature Syndicate Thomas GUEST Pieter Vanbennekom, United Press International Thomas GUEST William Vance, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Grady GUEST James M. Verner, Arlington, Virginia Thompson, R. GUEST Richard N. Viets, Washington, D. C. Geyelin GUEST Barbara Vobejda, Washington Post Broder GUEST Gen. Carl E. Vuono, USA Rowan AUCTION Victoria Wakefield, United Press International Wiessler GUEST Myron S. Waldman, Newsday Page AUCTION Thomas E. Waldrop, Vienna, Virginia McDowell GUEST Ruth Walker, Christian Science Monitor Sperling GUEST Robert Walters, Newspaper Enterprise Association Thomasson GUEST Gary L. Watson, Gannett Co., Inc. Anthan GUEST Jerome R. Watson, Chicago Sun-Times Watson MEMBER Warren Weaver, Jr., Washington, D. C. Weaver MEMBER William H. Webster, Director, Central Hunt AUCTION Intelligence Agency William F. Weld, Governor of Massachusetts Ostrow AUCTION Paul West, Baltimore Sun Furgurson GUEST Togo D. West, Washington, D. C. Miller, L. GUEST John White, Washington, D. C. Nelson, J. GUEST Robert White, Sacramento, California Condon GUEST Paul R. Wieck, Albuquerque Journal Wieck MEMBER James G. Wieghart, Mt. Pleasant, Michigan Wieghart MEMBER Arthur E. Wiese, Alexandria, Virginia Wiese MEMBER David A. Wiessler, United Press International Wiessler MEMBER Judy B. Wiessler, Houston Chronicle Wiessler GUEST L. Douglas Wilder, Governor of Virginia Furgurson AUCTION Eddie Williams, Washington, D. C. Apple AUCTION Larry Williams, Knight-Ridder, Inc. Boyd GUEST James Willse, New York Daily News Nelson, L. GUEST Pete Wilson, Governor of California Dobbin AUCTION David Wise, Washington, D.C. Wise MEMBER Jules Witcover, Baltimore Evening Sun Germond GUEST James Wolfensohn, Washington, D.C. Nelson, J. AUCTION Jonathan Wolman, Associated Press Rosenthal GUEST Harvey W. Wood, Boston, Massachusetts Sperling GUEST Patricia Wood, Boston, Massachusetts Sperling GUEST Graham Woodlief, Media General Hall GUEST Judy Woodruff, Washington, D. C. Hunt GUEST Natalie Wozniak, Washington, D. C. Cooper GUEST Mikeal N. Wright, Vincennes Sun-Commercial Cole GUEST William H. Wynn, Washington, D. C. Reed AUCTION Clayton Yeutter, Washington, D. C. Condon AUCTION Thomas A. Young, Potomac, Maryland Phillips GUEST Barry Zorthian, Washington, D. C. Rogers GUEST Susan Zox, Chevy Chase, Maryland Smith GUEST 2 It really hasn't been a good year for George Mitchell. First, he voted against the use of force. Then he put his money on (Foreman? Bo Jackson?) And now that the war is over, maybe Wolf Blitzer can go back to his real name. At the height of the war, I asked Barbara if she was scared at all. "No," she said, "because the strongest, bravest man I know is in charge." I said, "Gee, Bar, thanks." She said, "I meant Norman Schwarzkopf." I'm sure you're as impressed as I am with Norman Schwartzkopf's incredible grit, determination and courage. And that was just to get through the interview with Barbara Walters. I know many of you reporters have been roughing it lately. But Arthur Kent says it wasn't so bad staying at the Sheraton Riyadh. In fact, he said the towels were so fluffy, he could barely get his suitcase shut. * * * All joking aside, tonight has been wonderful. Barbara and I always enjoy ourselves at the Gridiron, but we found your tribute to the troops to be especially moving. There was a line in it that "through the fog of distant war shines the strength of their devotion." As I've said before, our soldiers, airmen, sailors, Marines and Coast Guardsmen embodied the ideals of honor and bravery and duty and country -- and were willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of those simple words. 4 OTHER POSSIBLE JOKES Did you hear about those Iraqi soldiers who gave themselves up to a jeep full of reporters? They asked for three things: A hot meal, some cold water, and (Arthur Kent's autograph?) We suspected most Iraqis weren't too keen about fighting. Our spy satellites spotted one of their tanks with a bumper sticker that read, ("I'd Rather Be Surrendering"?) I understand that in order to build the kind of image "Stormin' Norman" has, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs has decided to go by nicknames too. /// But really, I don't think "Rollin' Colin" is appropriate. /// They say weighlifting builds up the chest and shoulder muscles, swimming builds up the arms, running builds up the legs Marlin, do you do a lot of horseback riding? Barbara was showing the kids the old family album, and George Jr. pointed at a picture and asked, "Who's that good looking guy with the handsome face and the big muscles?" Barbara smiled and said, "That's your father, dear." He looked at me and said, "Then, who is he?" Grant/Dooley March 21, 1991 12 noon A:GRIDIRON PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS: GRIDIRON DINNER CAPITOL HILTON SATURDAY, MARCH 23, 1991 9:30 P.M. ((Acknowledgements)) After watching tonight's entertainment, I'll say one thing: If I had a white flag, I'd wave it. One thing's for sure: After those last few skits, I don't have to warn people to guard against euphoria. In anticipation of seeing so many reporters here tonight, The other day I asked Marlin for a list of the press corps, Broken down by sex. He said, "Actually, sir, booze is more of a problem." Always good to see Bernie Shaw sitting at the table, instead of under it. Happy to see Ambassador Al-Sabah of Kuwait could join us tonight. I understand that during his recent travels, Jim Baker tried out some of tonight's jokes on him. After hearing them, the Ambassador said, "Don't you think we've suffered enough?" I think the wimp factor has finally been put to rest. // Jim Baker did support the use of force. (Bob Strauss jokes to come) The Washington Post reported this week that Marlin's on a diet. Trying to lose his "Falstaffian figure," it said. Apparently his doctor told him he'd have to cut out his cozy little dinners for two. Either that or find somebody to eat with. Hey, this is fun. // I haven't gotten this many laughs since my last speech on domestic policy. Sure, I'm aware of the complaints in the media about no domestic agenda ... lack of vision. But I'm sure Bob Strauss can help the Democrats improve. 5 Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass-bottomed boats? So they can see the Iraqi Air Force. 3 And so, if I may, I'd like to offer a toast to the brave men and women who fought for freedom in the Persian Gulf. I raise my glass: To those who liberated a nation abroad and transformed a nation at home -- to our troops. # # # Allan Cromley - Sec. of Gridiron GOP Skit Norm Desert Band - (Aler P anchors, Peter Amett Cheney & Powell a press Sununu (60d father III) That s Amore I'm Sununy Census Erudicate Dems t bhostbusters) bingrich - Send in the Clowns BB 'Norman" One Enchanted Evening - Experts April in Baghdad - Glaspie of Simpson JAB - Peace is Bustin Out All Over Mrs. POTUS Wood M = pub (SM) Budge Mrs. Foley Sperling - CSM Rep. Michel Mr. Straus 5 ben. Vuono - Army LOS Justice Souter Mosb Sununu Sullivan Mrs JAB Alexander Darman bec. Brady Sec. AF Scowcroft Ron Brown Atty ben 600 Schwarzkopf? Schwarz kopf? UP Mrs. Bush Mrs. Sperling MB. Q Spkr Foley Mrs. Strauss 3 JAB Powell Just. Kennedy Lujan Sec. Cheney Martin Yuetter rift. Skinner Derwinski ben Hills Grey - USMC Burl Osborne -Dallas/News Morning - ASNE Fitzwater Arnett Bernard Show Maine Band Chorus Opening Georgie RWApple Ann beyer Ininiation Dem Skit Nicho Horrick chi Trib GOP skit DavidniPoster - UPI Closing POTUS Number Aula Lank Gune 1885 Cap Hilt since WWII Rem - Strawes Rep - JAB3 Toast 5:30 cocktail 17:00 POTUS an. trud speech in the dark - Sperling on. CSM can. Main Band Opener Dem food stracks Good Baker food batta OFFICE OF PRESIDENTIAL ADVANCE IN-TOWN EVENT CONTACT SHEET Name Office Phone Number Presidential Advance Office 456-7565 Presidential Advance Fax Number 456-2820 Tim simonson wit aavance 456-7565 Mack Roscaker KisGoodwin Lisa SULICK CAPITAL HILTON 639-5707 MARY KLINE 11 - CONT SERV. 639-5704 TERRY BRAD., " DIR CATERING 639-5717 BERM YEMANE Bangart MATER'D 639-5373 CORNELIUS ROBINSUN CAPITAL HILTON - DIR. SECURITY 353-1000 Ex 5688 Wilfredo Gonzalez CapiTal HilTon - AssT.Dir. security 393 639 1000 X5688 11/1/19 / Cryine HILTOR Harold W. BeallJr. Capital Hilton master Elect Eng. 393-1000 Ext 5775 JANED. Von KAENEL CAPITAL HOLTON AUDIORISMAL DIRECTOR (347-0488- Direct LINE 393 1000 - KS644 MESS SFOURITY 395 your PLEZ B. TRANSOU USSS- PPD leAD 395-4011 LARRY SPERL USSS/PPD 395-4112 PHIL ANDERSON OUP 456-7935 Mike Gould MILAIDE 395-1747 Deborah McGhee LY.VN LITCHY WH If HOUSE " COMM a AGENCY 395-6338 ( Mead) 395-6050 C leggy Dooley WH Speechwriting 456-7750 Joe Lastelic griduon Club 202-682-8125 703-370-87 Hom Penny C Dexon GRIDIROM Club (202 773-7707011 22 IWise freduar Chub 20Z.66Z754020Z-33 ofe JOE BARANOWSKI USSS-VP 395-6062 Steve Schenn U555-WPr 634-5100 {301 393 1000 Mike MUSGRAUE USSS _WFO 634-5100 THE-CAPITALHILTT N Meeting Facilities and Services E N S PAN-AMERICAN W ROOM AUTO LIFT KITCHEN SALES, CATERING Club Mtg 12-2 AND CONVENTION Pres Recep 5:30-6:45 Hilton staft SERVICES OFFICES Dinner- 11pm-20am MASSACHUSETTS ELEVATOR ROOM Scripps Henard SERVICE LOBBY 5 30 6:45 L SERVICE ELEVATOR SERVICE CLOSETS PASSENGER NEW YORK ELEVATOR ROOM 2 LADIES REST ROOM PRESIDENTIAL BALLROOM PASSENGER ELEVATOR MEN'S MICHIGAN ROOM Dinner 6:45-1130 CONVENTION ROOM REGISTRATION STORAGE Storase Marine Band General OHIO ROOM Retreshments Retiest ments 7 pm Recephon SecretSen. setspm CONGRESSIONAL ROOM SENATE ROOM 5:30-6:45 FEDERAL ROOM UPPER L STREET Cast Dinner 8:15pm LOBBY CALIFORNIA Hearst Newspaper ROOM Reception 10pm-20m Uniformed K STREET CHECK ROOM CAPITAL TERRACE SOUTH AMERICAN ROOM-A FOYER NO. I LOWER LOBBY FOYER NO. 2 SOUTH AMERICAN ROOM-B CONTINENTAL ROOM DOWN DOWN Guest of Herior Recep. 530 SIXTEENTH STREET White ilse Statt Dinner 7 30pm Suite 956 5 6'30 Knight Ridder Suite 1274 10pm. 3:30am Detroit News I Gannett THE CAPITAL HILTON Meeting Facilities and Services E N S PAN-AMERICAN W ROOM AUTO LIFT KITCHEN SALES, CATERING Club Mtg 12-2 AND CONVENTION Pres Recep 5.30.6:45 Hilton Staff SERVICES OFFICES Dinner- 11pm-20am MASSACHUSETTS ELEVATOR ROOM Scripps Howard SERVICE LOBBY 530.6:45 SERVICE ELEVATOR SERVICE CLOSETS PASSENGER NEW YORK ELEVATOR ROOM LADIES REST ROOM PRESIDENTIAL BALLROOM PASSENGER ELEVATOR MEN'S MICHIGAN ROOM Dinner 6:45-1130 CONVENTION ROOM REGISTRATION STORAGE Storase Marine Band Recephon General OHIO ROOM Retiestments 7pm SecretSen. setspm CONGRESSIONAL ROOM SENATE ROOM 5:30-6:45 FEDERAL ROOM UPPER L STREET Cast Dinner 8.15pm LOBBY CALIFORNIA Hearst Newspaper ROOM Recephon 10pm-2am Uniformed K STREET CHECK ROOM CAPITAL TERRACE SOUTH AMERICAN ROOM-A FOYER NO. I LOWER LOBBY FOYER NO. 2 SOUTH AMERICAN ROOM-B CONTINENTAL ROOM DOWN DOWN Guest of Honor Recep. 530 SIXTEENTH STREET White Hse Staff Dinner 7.30pm Suite 956 5 6:30 Knight Ridder Suite 1274 10pm- 3:30am Detroit News I Gannett THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON March 22, 1991 MEMORANDUM TO THE PRESIDENT THROUGH: DAVID DEMAREST TONY SNOW FROM: MARY KATE GRANT SUBJECT: MORE GRIDIRON JOKES Attached for your review are additional jokes for the Gridiron. The second page ABSOLUTELY CANNOT BE USED, but we thought you might like to see the product of some late-night "brainstorming." Also, we spoke with Bob Strauss. His focus will largely be on the Cabinet and such "easy targets" as Governor Sununu, Dick Darman and Secretary Baker. Grant/Dooley March 21, 1991 3 p.m. A:GRIDIRON PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS: GRIDIRON DINNER CAPITOL HILTON SATURDAY, MARCH 23, 1991 9:30 P.M. ( (Acknowledgements) After watching tonight's entertainment, I'll say one thing: If I had a white flag, I'd wave it. One thing's for sure: After those last few skits, I don't have to warn people to guard against euphoria. In anticipation of seeing so many reporters here tonight, The other day I asked Marlin for a list of the press corps, Broken down by sex. He said, "Actually, sir, booze is more of a problem." Always good to see Bernie Shaw sitting at the table, instead of under it. Happy to see Ambassador Al-Sabah of Kuwait could join us tonight. I understand that during his recent travels, Jim Baker tried out some of tonight's jokes on him. After hearing them, the Ambassador said, "Don't you think we've suffered enough?" I think the wimp factor has finally been put to rest. // Jim Baker did support the use of force. (Bob Strauss jokes to come) The Washington Post reported this week that Marlin's on a diet. Trying to lose his "Falstaffian figure," it said. Apparently his doctor told him he'd have to cut out his cozy little dinners for two. Either that or find somebody to eat with. Hey, this is fun. // I haven't gotten this many laughs since my last speech on domestic policy. Sure, I'm aware of the complaints in the media about no domestic agenda lack of vision. But I'm sure Bob Strauss can help the Democrats. And now that the war is over, maybe Wolf Blitzer can go back to his real name. I know many of you reporters have been roughing it lately. But Arthur Kent says it wasn't so bad staying at the Sheraton Riyadh. In fact, he said the towels were so fluffy, he could barely get his suitcase shut. At the height of the war, I asked Barbara if she was scared at all. "No," she said, "because the strongest, bravest man I know is in charge." I said, "Gee, Bar, thanks." She said, "I meant Norman Schwarzkopf." I'm sure you're as impressed as I am with Norman Schwarzkopf's incredible grit, determination and courage. And that was just to get through the interview with Barbara Walters. * * * All joking aside, tonight has been wonderful. Barbara and I always enjoy ourselves at the Gridiron, but we found your tribute to the troops to be especially moving. There was a line in it that "through the fog of distant war shines the strength of their devotion. " As I've said before, our soldiers, airmen, sailors, Marines and Coast Guardsmen embodied the ideals of honor and bravery and duty and country -- and were willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of those simple words. And so, if I may, I'd like to offer a toast to the brave men and women who fought for freedom in the Persian Gulf. I raise my glass: To those who liberated a nation abroad and transformed a nation at home -- to our troops. # # # OTHER POSSIBLE JOKES It really hasn't been a good year for George Mitchell. First, he voted against the use of force. Then he put his money on (George Foreman? Bo Jackson?) Did you hear about those Iraqi soldiers who gave themselves up to a jeep full of reporters? They asked for three things: A hot meal, some cold water, and (Arthur Kent's autograph?) We suspected most Iraqis weren't too keen about fighting. Our spy satellites spotted one of their tanks with a bumper sticker that read . ("I'd Rather Be Surrendering"?) I understand that in order to build the kind of image "Stormin' Norman" has, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs has decided to go by nicknames too. /// But really, I don't think "Rollin' Colin" is appropriate. /// They say weighlifting builds up the shoulder muscles, swimming builds up the arms, running builds up the legs Marlin, do you do a lot of horseback riding? Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass-bottomed boats? So they can see the Iraqi Air Force. I held up pretty well through the "100 Day War," but I wasn't sure I'd make it through this 100 Hour Dinner. It was very satisfying to see American soldiers handing out candy and cigarettes to the Iraqis who gave themselves up. In fact, 30,000 Russians tried to surrender. Here's something I thought I'd never see. People in Baghdad are so upset with Saddam, for a change Iraqis are burning their own flag. I think Colin Powell's been working too hard. Just the other day, someone asked the General how high he thinks the price of crude will go. He said, "Playboy or Penthouse?" Barbara was showing the kids the old family album, and George Jr. pointed at a picture and asked, "Who's that good looking guy with the handsome face and the big muscles?" Barbara smiled and said, "That's your father, dear." He looked at me and said, "Then, who is he?" ADDITIONAL GRIDIRON JOKES Thank you, Budge, for that wonderful introduction. For a minute, I thought I'd have to pull out my American Express card. [Pull out card] Some of you may have read the CIA report in the paper that when one pronounces Hussein's name as "SADD-em," its Arabic meaning is "little boy who shines shoes." /// But did you know that when you pronounce "Sununu" correctly, it means "big man who never shines his shoes"? Here's my old friend Bob Strauss, that famous Texan. You know what they say about him -- All hat, no cattle. Bob, by my watch [look at watch], your speech was about 10 minutes long. Let's see at 8 million an hour The Gridiron's now in Chapter 11. I understand Eppie Lederer is with us tonight. You know her -- she's Dear Abbie. Bob Strauss wrote to her recently, and she asked me to read her response. [pull out paper] "Dear Washington Wheeler-Dealer," it says. "Yes. Take the money from both clients." OR: "I think 8 million dollars an hour may be a little steep." The other day, I asked Jim Baker what he really thought of Bob Strauss. // He looked at me and said, "He's not a general. // He's not a tactician. // He's not a strategist. /// But other than that, he's a great Democratic politician." Ever since Buddy Roemer became a Republican, people have been asking who will be the next big-time Democrat to switch parties. Well tonight, I'd like to announce that none other than my old friend Bob Strauss Well, I'd like to announce it, but Bob's done more for us as a Democrat, than he'll ever do as a Republican. FROM:API-PUBLIC RELATIONS TO: 4562758 MAR 19, 1991 12:29PM P.02 gridiron Club Dinner SCHEDULE March 23, 1991 6:30 Dinner Bell 7:00 Music Lights in Out quartet Speech in the the Air Dark - by" Budge Sgerling, grideron president 7:15 Introduction, U. S. Marine Band 7:25 Fanfare Opener SKIT 7:35 Remove Rabbit Galantine Serve Crab & Cron Quiche 7:55 Fanfare Inauguration of sperling handing of gavel Guest Skit -- Standups - introduction of special guests Initiation of new members 8:15 Remove Crab & Corn Quiche Serve Beef and Lamb 8:45 Democratic Fanfare Skit - music dance etc 9:15 Robert Strauss Introduction Strauss Response 9:25 Remove Beef and Lamb Serve Top Hats 9:45 Republican Fanfare Skit -music dance etc 10:15 James Baker Introduction Baker Response 10:25 Fanfare Closer sliet - "Civilwar"song. 10:35 Serve Coffee, Petits Fours, Champagne 10:55 Toast to the President Bush Response,4 Auld Lang Syne Bresident by the MAR 19 '91 16:58 CAPITAL HILTON SALES DC 737 5742 P.2 EVENT # 1639 RR DO NOT POST! THE GRIDIRON CLUB SATURDAY, MARCH 23, 1991 WHITE HOUSE STAFF DINNER CONTINENTAL ROOM APPROXIMATELY 18 GUESTS 7:30 PM MR. KEVIN DEVERICH, IN CHARGE VIP - SOIGNE BILL TO: BUSINESS PROMOTIONS AT $ 34 PP cc: Mr. K. Deverich General Manager MENU LOBSTER BISQUE SPINACH SALAD Warm Italian Dressing BROILED FILET MIGNON VEGETABLES DU JOUR THREE CHOCOLATE TERRINE Sauce Anglaise COFFEE EXTRA ITEMS AND ARRANGEMENTS BEVERAGES: Offer guests their choice of red or white wine. GRATUITY: Added to the account. D.C. SALES TAX: Added to the account. CONTROL: By invitation only. DECORATIONS: Provide the appropriate colored linen. ARRANGEMENTS: At the conclusion of the VIP reception provide 2 5ft. rounds for dining. BILLING: Business Promotions. Terry Brady, Director of Catering Direct Line: (202) 639 - 5717 TB/vmq - 3/8/91 LC110213/GC * WhiteH m THE CAPITAL HILTON HOTEL 1001 16th Street NW Washington, DC 20036 FAX: (202) 639 - 5742 TWX: 710/822 - 9068 1 26 "Budge" griden President Club GODFREY SPERLING, JR., born in Long Beach, California, in 1915, but grew up in the Midwest (Urbana, Illinois). B.S. in Journalism, University of Illinois, 1937; L.L.B. (J.D.) Law, University of Oklahoma, 1940. Joined Monitor after five years of service as an officer in the U.S. Air Force (rose to Major) during World War II; retired as Colonel in Reserves in 1975. Joined Christian Science Monitor in 1946. For 11 years Monitor's Washington Bureau Chief, up to 1984. Now Monitor's X senior Washington columnist. Founder and host of Sperling Breakfast Group. President Reagan honored Sperling on the 17th anniversary of the breakfast, and continued to do so on the 18th, 19th and 20th anniversary. In the past both Presidents Ford and Carter also had the group into the White House for breakfasts. Wife: Betty. Daughter: Mary McAuliffe, an historian at CIA; son-in-law: Jack McAuliffe, Director of Marketing at Kennedy Center for Performing Arts; Granddaughter: Mavyn McAuliffe, 18, and headed for MIT. Son: John in real estate in Las Vegas. wife Betty (Budge) LEFT SIDE Mr. Godfrey Sperling, Jr. President of the BF Gridiron Club The President of the United States Harvey Mr. ^ Wood Mrs. Foley Robert Mr. Strauss Patricia Mrs. Wood Justice Souter Mr. Sununu Mrs. Baker The Secretary of the Treasury Mr. Darman General Scowcroft Mr. Ron Brown The Attorney General Representative Michel General Vuono The Secretary of Commerce and The Secretary of Health x Human Services The Secretary of Education The Secretary of the Air Force RIGHT SIDE The Vice President of the United States Mrs. Sperling Mrs. Bush The Speaker of the House of Representatives Mrs. Quayle > e d 1 The Scretary of State Helen Mrs. Strauss The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Justice Kennedy The Secretary of Defense The Secretary of the Interior The Secretary of Labor Mr. Yeutter The Secretary of Transportation The Secretary of Veterans Affairs General Gray The U.S. Trade Representative Mr. Fitzwater while Hours Buel Mr. Osb ome A Dallas news THI APITAI HILT N Meeting Facilities and Services E N S PAN-AMERICAN W ROOM AUTO LIFT KITCHEN SALES, CATERING Club Mtg 12-2 AND CONVENTION Pres Resep 5.30.6:45 Hilton Staff SERVICES OFFICES Dinner- 11pm-2an ELEVATOR MASSACHUSETTS ROOM Scripps Heward SERVICE LOBBY 5:30-6:45 SERVICE ELEVATOR SERVICE CLOSETS PASSENGER NEW YORK ELEVATOR ROOM LADIES REST ROOM PRESIDENTIAL BALLROOM PASSENGER ELEVATOR MFN'S MICHIGAN Dinner 6.45.1130 ROOM CONVENTION ROOM REGISTRATION STORAGE Storase Marine Band Retiestments Rehesl ments General OHIO ROOM 7pm Recephon SecretSeN. setspm CONGRESSIONAL ROOM SENATE ROOM 5:30-6:45 FEDERAL ROOM UPPER L STREET Cast Dinner 8.15pm LOBBY CALIFORNIA Hearst Newspaper ROOM Reception 10pm-20am Uniformed K STREET CHECK ROOM CAPITAL TERRACE SOUTH AMERICAN ROOM-A FOYER NO. 1 LOWER LOBBY FOYER NO. 2 SOUTH AMERICAN ROOM-B CONTINENTAL ROOM DOWN DOWN Guest of Honor Recep 530 SIXTEENTH STREET White ilse Salt Dinner 1 30pm Suite 956 5 630 Knight Ridder Suite 1274 10pm. 3:30am Detroit News I Gannett SENT BY Xerox Telecopier 7020 ; 3-19-91 ; 2:17PM ; 2023951155- 4562758;# 2 TAB A CAPITAL HILTON HOTEL Gridiron Club Dinner Arrival/Departure Diagram Saturday, March 23, 1991 WHAT STREET IS Dhs Motorcade Limo KEY: THE PRESIDENT GUESTS & STAFF SENT BY:Xerox Telecopier 7020 ; 3-19-91 ; 2:18PM ; 2023951155- 4562758;# 3 TAB B THE CAPITAL HILTON Gridiron Club Dinner Presidential Ballroom Diagram Saturday, March 23, 1991 Announce L Street Position Continental Head Table Room Presidential 2nd Floor Bailroom 2nd Floor Holding Room 16th Street XX XX K Street KEY: THE PRESIDENT GUESTS & STAFF X GREETER SENT BY:Xerox Telecopier 7020 ; 3-19-91 ; 2:18PM ; 2023951155- 4562758;# 4 TAB C CAPITAL HILTON HOTEL Gridiron Club Dinner Head Table Diagram Saturday, March 23, 1991 Mr. Osborne, Dallas News Marlin Fitzwater Amb. Hills Gen Gray, USMC Sec. Derwinski Sec. Skinner Mr. Clayton Yeutter Sec. Martin Sec. Lujan Sec. Cheney Justice Kennedy Chairman Powell Mrs. Helen Strauss Sec. Baker Mrs. Quayle Speaker Foley Mrs. Bush Mrs. Sperling The Vice President Podium Audience Mr. Budge Sperling THE PRESIDENT Mr. Harvey Wood Mrs. Foley Mr. Robert Strauss Mrs. Patricia Wood Justice Souter Gov. Sununu Mrs. Baker Sec. Brady Mr. Darman Gen. Scowcroft Mr. Ron Brown Attorney Gen. Thornburgh Rep. Michel General Vuono Sec. Mosbacher Sec. Sullivan Sec. Alexander Sec. Rice KEY: THE PRESIDENT il Midnight 200 19th handra Del an booze and drugs 31-2180 M.C. Hammer doll First female POW Deharah normello's baby you'll never Eat hundred this Town again Redgram Listers Pay lare for Dags Hallane/drana Trump oki challenge ho Jackson James Brown free / Jim Bakker? EZE Ben Patton natt willify 103/836-1 Don't 103/836-7424 7404 IV Josephin Baker story Rocky + Story E Churs 4g Roseanne Munutes Mumphy Brown Sympsons Livin Peaks Redaptonet Sisters Day fare for Doge / BOOKS \ Power & the Glitter MOVIES new Jack City The Doore Scenes. from a mall deleng of the sleeping w/the Enemy King Ralph Home alone Dances w/wolnes L.A. stay He said the said Newrending story Kindergartin Cap Grant/Dooley March 21, 1991 12 noon A:GRIDIRON PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS: GRIDIRON DINNER CAPITOL HILTON SATURDAY, MARCH 23, 1991 9:30 P.M. ((Thank you, Budge [Sperling] for that introduction.) ) After watching tonight's entertainment, I'll say one thing: If I had a white flag, I'd wave it. One thing's for sure: After those last few skits, I don't have to warn people to guard against euphoria. In anticipation of seeing so many reporters here tonight, The other day I asked Marlin for a list of the press corps, Broken down by sex. He said, "Actually, sir, booze is more of a problem." Always good to see Bernie Shaw sitting at the table, instead of under it. Happy to see Ambassador Al-Sabah of Kuwait could join us tonight. I understand that during his recent travels, Jim Baker tried out some of tonight's jokes on him. After hearing them, the Ambassador said, "Don't you think we've suffered enough?" I think the wimp factor has finally been put to rest. // Jim Baker did support the use of force. (Bob Strauss jokes to come) The Washington Post reported this week that Marlin's on a diet. Trying to lose his "Falstaffian figure," it said. Apparently his doctor told him he'd have to cut out his cozy little dinners for two. Either that or find somebody to eat with. Hey, this is fun. // I haven't gotten this many laughs since my last speech on domestic policy. Sure, I'm aware of the complaints in the media about no domestic agenda lack of vision. But I'm sure Bob Strauss can help the Democrats improve. It really hasn't been a good year for George Mitchell. First, he voted against the use of force. Brent Scowcroft was able to confirm that Saddam Hussein did, indeed, spend a lot of time watching CNN. First clue was when Saddam called into "Sonya Live. " I think Colin Powell's been working too hard. Just the other day, someone asked the General how high he thinks the price of crude will go. He said, "Playboy or Penthouse?" I'm sure you're as impressed as I am with Norman Schwartzkopf's incredible grit, determination and courage. And that was just to get through the interview with Barbara Walters. Just this week -- true story -- Norman Schwarzkopf was named "Sexiest Man in America.' Not by People Magazine. By the National Enquirer. /// The National Enquirer reports that "women want to be alone in a tent" with "the four-star fury who wacked Iraq. " Even my own wife was quoted as a fan. And the Geraldo Show has been flooded by calls from women who want him booked for a program. Apparently they're doing a show entitled (women who love men who ) (Camoflage: Yes or No?) (Generals who ) I understand that in order to build the kind of image "Stormin" Norman" has, the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs have decided to go by nicknames too. /// But really, I don't think "Rollin' Colin" is appropriate. /// And neither is "Zany Cheney. " /// It really hasn't been a good year for George Mitchell. First, he voted against the use of force. Then he put his money on Princeton against UNLV. I want to salute our Gridiron President -- Jim Baker -- for the fine job he's done. Earlier today Jim called me to see if I still wanted to go to that annual event with all the movers and shakers. 11 I said, "Gee, I'd love to go to the Final Four." I understand that during his recent travels, Jim Baker tried out some of tonight's jokes on a Kuwaiti diplomat. The Kuwaiti said, "Don't you think we've suffered enough?" Now that the war is over, maybe Wolf Blitzer can go back to his real name. Now that the war's over, we're going to move forward on the crucial things here at home. I can't tell you how many trees have gone unplanted. Hey, this is fun. THE WHITE HOUSE I haven't gotten this many WASHINGTON since my last domestic policy speech. Sure, I'm aware of the complaints in the media about no domestic agenda lack of vision. But I'm sure Tom Foley will improve. I am disgusted by those who say the GOP is making political hay Out of our victory in the Gulf. And I've directed my very good friends Colin Powell and Dick Cheney Not to gloat about our brilliant battle plan. And now, an update from the front lines. Civil war, fighting and bloodshed have been reported. /// But really, I'm not here to discuss the Democrats. As I look around tonight, all I can say is "What recession?" Women can be very effective in combat. Just ask HEAD TABLE POTUS Mr. and Mrs. Wood (publisher, Christian Science Monitor) Budge Sperling and Mrs. Sperling (owner, CSM, and president of Gridiron this year) Speaker and Mrs. Foley Robert and Mrs. Strauss Justice Souter Gov. Sununu JAB III and Mrs. Baker Secretary Brady Darman Gen. Scowcroft Ron Brown Attorney General Thornburgh Rep. Michel Gen. Vuono (Army Chief of Staff) Secretary Mosbacher Secretary Sullivan Secretary Alexander Secretary of the Air Force (I'll check name) VP and Mrs. Quayle FLOTUS Speaker Foley Gen. Powell Justice Kennedy Secretary Cheney Secretary Lujan Secretary Martin Chairman Yuetter Secretary Skinner Secretary Derwinski Gen. Grey (USMC Chief of Staff) Ambassador Hills Marlin Burl Osborne (Dallas Morning News, Pres. of ASNE this year) Then he put his money on (Foreman? Bo Jackson?) And now that the war is over, maybe Wolf Blitzer can go back to his real name. At the height of the war, I asked Barbara if she was scared at all. "No," she said, "because the strongest, bravest man I know is in charge. " I said, "Gee, Bar, thanks." She said, "I meant Norman Schwarzkopf." I'm sure you're as impressed as I am with Norman Schwartzkopf's incredible grit, determination and courage. And that was just to get through the interview with Barbara Walters. I know many of you reporters have been roughing it lately. But Arthur Kent says it wasn't so bad staying at the Sheraton Riyadh. In fact, he said the towels were so fluffy, he could barely get his suitcase shut. Grant/Dooley March 21, 1991 3 p.m. A:GRIDIRON PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS: GRIDIRON DINNER CAPITOL HILTON SATURDAY, MARCH 23, 1991 9:30 P.M. ((Acknowledgements)) After watching tonight's entertainment, I'll say one thing: If I had a white flag, I'd wave it. One thing's for sure: After those last few skits, I don't have to warn people to guard against euphoria. In anticipation of seeing so many reporters here tonight, The other day I asked Marlin for a list of the press corps, Broken down by sex. He said, "Actually, sir, booze is more of a problem." Always good to see Bernie Shaw sitting at the table, instead of under it. Happy to see Ambassador Al-Sabah of Kuwait could join us tonight. I understand that during his recent travels, Jim Baker tried out some of tonight's jokes on him. After hearing them, the Ambassador said, "Don't you think we've suffered enough?" I think the wimp factor has finally been put to rest. // Jim Baker did support the use of force. (Bob Strauss jokes to come) The Washington Post reported this week that Marlin's on a diet. Trying to lose his "Falstaffian figure," it said. Apparently his doctor told him he'd have to cut out his cozy little dinners for two. Either that or find somebody to eat with. Hey, this is fun. // I haven't gotten this many laughs since my last speech on domestic policy. Sure, I'm aware of the complaints in the media about no domestic agenda ... lack of vision. But I'm sure Bob Strauss can help the Democrats. 2 And now that the war is over, maybe Wolf Blitzer can go back to his real name. I know many of you reporters have been roughing it lately. But Arthur Kent says it wasn't so bad staying at the Sheraton Riyadh. In fact, he said the towels were so fluffy, he could barely get his suitcase shut. At the height of the war, I asked Barbara if she was scared at all. "No," she said, "because the strongest, bravest man I-know is in charge.' I said, "Gee, Bar, thanks." She said, "I meant Norman Schwarzkopf." I'm sure you're as impressed as I am with Norman Schwarzkopf's incredible grit, determination and courage. And that was just to get through the interview with Barbara Walters. * All joking aside, tonight has been wonderful. Barbara and I always enjoy ourselves at the Gridiron, but we found your tribute to the troops to be especially moving. There was a line in it that "through the fog of distant war shines the strength of their devotion." As I've said before, our soldiers, airmen, sailors, Marines and Coast Guardsmen embodied the ideals of honor and bravery and duty and country -- and were willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of those simple words. And so, if I may, I'd like to offer a toast to the brave men and women who fought for freedom in the Persian Gulf. I raise my glass: To those who liberated a nation abroad and transformed a nation at home -- to our troops. # # # 3 OTHER POSSIBLE JOKES It really hasn't been a good year for George Mitchell. First, he voted against the use of force. Then he put his money on (George Foreman? Bo Jackson?) Did you hear about those Iraqi soldiers who gave themselves up to a jeep full of reporters? They asked for three things: A hot meal, some cold water, and (Arthur Kent's autograph?) We suspected most Iraqis weren't too keen about fighting. Our spy satellites spotted one of their tanks with a bumper sticker that read ("I'd Rather Be Surrendering"?) I understand that in order to build the kind of image "Stormin' Norman" has, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs has decided to go by nicknames too. /// But really, I don't think "Rollin' Colin" is appropriate. /// They say weighlifting builds up the shoulder muscles, swimming builds up the arms, running builds up the legs Marlin, do you do a lot of horseback riding? Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass-bottomed boats? So they can see the Iraqi Air Force. I held up pretty well through the "100 Day War," but I wasn't sure I'd make it through this 100 Hour Dinner. It was very satisfying to see American soldiers handing out candy and cigarettes to the Iraqis who gave themselves up. In fact, 30,000 Russians tried to surrender. Here's something I thought I'd never see. People in Baghdad are so upset with Saddam, for a change Iraqis are burning their own flag. I think Colin Powell's been working too hard. Just the other day, someone asked the General how high he thinks the price of crude will go. He said, "Playboy or Penthouse?" Barbara was showing the kids the old family album, and George Jr. pointed at a picture and asked, "Who's that good looking guy with the handsome face and the big muscles?" Barbara smiled and said, "That's your father, dear." He looked at me and said, "Then, who is he?"