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Alfalfa Club 1/25/92 [OA 7567]
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Alfalfa Club 1/25/92 [OA 7567]
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Records of the White House Office of Speechwriting (George H. W. Bush Administration)
Speech Backup Chronological Files
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Originally Processed With FOIA(s):
FOIA Number:
S
S
FOIA
MARKER
This is not a textual record. This is used as an
administrative marker by the George Bush Presidential
Library Staff.
Record Group/Collection:
George H.W. Bush Presidential Records
Collection/Office of Origin:
Speechwriting, White House Office of
Series:
Speech File Backup Files
Subseries:
Chron Files, 1989-1993
OA/ID Number:
13795
Folder ID Number:
13795-006
Folder Title:
Alfalfa Club 1/25/92 [OA 7567]
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G
26
22
2
6
ALFALFA DINNER 1992
7:20
President Boren (from head table) : GENTLEMEN, BE SEATED,
etc.
7:22
Music of Marine Band and Marine Drum and Bugle Corps.
March on of Colors.
7:50
President Boren welcomes guests, acknowledges the Marine
Band and Drum and Bugle Corps, opening the 79th
Anniversary Dinner of Alfalfa.
7:55
Serve lobster.
8:10
Remove plates.
8:20
Serve entrees.
8:45
Remove plates.
smin.
8:55
INAUGURATION. President Boren's farewell address. He
introduces new Alfalfa president, the Hon. James A.
Baker III.
9:07
Immediately, Sgt. Michael Ryan sings, "For He's Our
President.'
9:10
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH by President Baker.
9:20
Serve salad.
9:35
Remove plates.
9:40
INITIATION OF NEW MEMBERS. James Symington on stage,
after recognition by President Baker, initiates new
members. President Baker welcomes new members and
announces that Sgt. Michael Ryan will serenade with
"Come to the Land of Alfalfa" as they return to their
seats.
10:10
Serve dessert and coffee.
Ch. of Dinner committee
10:18
Caution -- Billy Bell will signal time for the toast to
the President of the United States.
10:30
CONVENTION. President Baker temporarily recesses
dinner, recognizes the Hon. John W. Warner to offer
RESOLUTION nominating Alfalfa's Candidate for the
President of the United States.
10:35
CANDIDATE'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH. President Baker responds
briefly.
11:00
President Baker calls on President Bush for remarks.
VPwill attend
11:30
President Baker thanks President Bush, thanks
organizers, and adjourns dinner.
Dick Pearson- Sec. of Alfalfa Club
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
January 23, 1992
MEMORANDUM FOR THE PRESIDENT
THROUGH:
DAVID DEMAREST
&
TONY SNOW
FROM:
ANDY FERGUSON
at
SUBJECT:
ALFALFA CLUB DINNER
Attached are remarks prepared for your appearance at the
Alfalfa Club dinner Saturday evening, January 25, 1992. We have
prepared more jokes than you will need, on a variety of subjects,
so that you can keep those you like and discard the rest.
(Ferguson)
January 23, 1992
DRAFT 2
ALFALFA
PRESIDENTIAL REMARKS: ALFALFA CLUB DINNER
Thank you all. As usual, this has been a very long evening.
If it doesn't end soon, I may have to faint again.
I look around this room, filled with conservatives and
liberals, Democrats and Republicans, and I'm struck by what
unites us, what brings us together here tonight: None of us
could get Super Bowl tickets.
I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it myself.
Fortunately we were able to build a Washington stop-over into my
travel schedule.
I told Barbara I'd be spending tonight taking it easy,
having a few laughs, not getting much accomplished. She said,
"You're having a domestic policy meeting?"
I salute our outgoing president, Senator Boren. He's done a
marvelous job, doing what this club does best -- nothing.
And to our new president, Secretary of State Baker, my
congratulations. Good news, Mr. Secretary: Hollywood wants to
make a movie depicting how you became president of Alfalfa.
Unfortunately, Oliver Stone is going to direct it.
I don't know how Secretary Baker will find time to fill
these new job responsibilities. Over at the State Department
there's a sign on his door that reads, "10 to 3." Those aren't
his hours; they're the odds of finding him there.
2
And I especially want to thank Chief Justice Rehnquist, who
sat beside me all through dinner. Very courageous of you, Mr.
Chief Justice. He looked a little nervous when I told him I
hoped to make a big splash tonight.
When I looked at my plate, I wondered why they gave me a
bigger napkin than everybody else. I noticed Justice Rehnquist
spraying his suit with Scotchguard before we sat down.
One topic came in for a lot of ribbing here tonight -- my
famous Maalox moment in Japan. Let me tell you, I'm getting sick
of all these jokes -- and that's no idle threat.
It was an alarming experience. As I was lying under that
table in Tokyo, Zachary Taylor's life flashed before my eyes.
And all those videotaped instant replays the networks kept
showing -- you know how embarrassing that is? They went too far
when they let John Madden draw those little diagrams on the
screen.
Actually, I blame Marlin for the whole episode. Right
before I sat down to dinner that night he told me about the last
Democratic presidential debate.
That's quite a crew the Democrats have vying for my job.
They're called a "six pack" -- of near beer.
of course now there's only five of them, and some of those
aren't going to last long. I knew Paul Tsongas was in trouble
when he called me the other day and asked for charisma lessons.
3
And there's Jerry "Our Operators Are Standing By" Brown.
Jerry doesn't really care about winning. He just wants to start
his own Home Shopping Network.
I've heard people say Jerry's a little flakey, so I dialed
that 800 number of his. I got the Planet Pluto.
((You know, I was a little worried you might not like these
jokes. But then I figured, what the heck, after cocktails, wine,
champagne and brandy, nobody will remember any of them, anyway.))
I congratulate Senator Bentsen on receiving the club's
nomination for president this year. Senator Bentsen isn't used
to all this attention. I saw him outside signing autographs
earlier. Still has them in his pocket if you want one.
As Sen. Bentsen knows, you need a thick skin to run for
president. On the drive over here tonight I heard one of those
smartaleck commentators say I'm putting on a "blue collar" act
just to get reelected. I got so mad I almost lost control of the
18-wheeler.
But I'm going to be my own man in this campaign. Anyone who
thinks I'll bend to the will of handlers is just plain wrong --
at least I think that's what Teeter told me to say.
And if I do say so myself, my plan to keep Republicans from
getting overconfident has worked perfectly.
If I may, let me finish on a different note. We're going
through some tough times, I know that. We'll soon turn things
around. At the same time; we should count the many blessings God
has showered on this land, particularly when we think of the
4
amazing changes around the globe in the past few years. The
greatness of this country lies in the innate optimism of its
people -- in their abiding belief that they can make good on
their dreams. That special American faith is the strongest force
in the world. Nothing has stopped it in the past. Nothing will
stop it now.
Thank you again, and God bless you.
mmm
48 at
mmmm
ALFALFA DINNER
head
JANUARY 25, 1992
HEAD TABLE SEATING AS OF JANUARY
1992
table
Senator David L. Boren
President of the Alfalfa Club
President Bush
Vice President Quayle
Chief Justice Rehnquist
The Speaker of the House
The Ambassador of Spain
Chief Justice Burger
The Honorable James A. Baker III
Secretary of the Treasury Brady
Vice President of the Alfalfa Club
Secretary of Health & Human Services Sullivan
Associate Justice Lewis Powell
Secretary of Education Alexander
Secretary of Defense Cheney
Representative Fascell
Secretary of the Interior Lujan
Senator Ted Stevens
Secretary of Energy Watkins
Representative Rostenkowski
Director of O.M.B. Darman
Republican Leader of the House Michel
Representative Dingell
Senator William Roth
Senator Lloyd Bentsen
Senator Sam Nunn
The Governor of Wisconsin
The Governor of Georgia
Senator John Glenn
Senator Bennett Johnston
Senator Dale Bumpers
Senator Pete Domenici
The Governor of West Virginia
Chief of Staff to President Skinner
Senator Alan Simpson
Senator John Chafee
Senator John Warner
Asst. to Pres. Gen. Scowcroft
Deputy Secretary of State Eagleburger
Senator Richard Lugar
Secretary of the Army Stone
Senator Howell Heflin
Gen. McPeak, Chief of Staff, USAF
Counsellor to President John Sununu
Gen. Mundy, Commandant, USMC
Senator John D. Rockefeller
Adm. Kime, Commandant, USCG
Senator Charles S. Robb
(Incoming Vice President of Alfalfa Club)
ENTRANCE TO HEAD TABLE
Chairman of Joint Chiefs, Gen. Powell
Gen. Sullivan, Chief of Staff, U.S. Army
Adm. Jerome Johnson, Vice Chief of Naval
Operations (representing U.S. Navy)
total x 533
Sen. Bentsen - incoming mock POTUS
Boren on his left
Renhguist on other side
song: "Come
Clocks never chime
& Sadness is labeled a crime"
ill humor is only a numor
members
allwear medals (gold
nub ribbons
1913 - club started
79h yr. of club
Charles Light-founder -
Alfalfa LUX est (motto)
Mr. Greeters Can Mottek
Hilton Hotels Division, Bev. Hills
Mr. Cretchman & Managei of Hotel
Mr. Pearson or or Mr. Bell
POTUS'S father was a member
June 1991 WHParty
The Resident's Dinner
pic of POTUS w/ Mr. Pearson
reception before Dinner
Alfalfa is plant whose roots
grow the furthest underground
for liquid refreshment.
Alfalfa Club Dinner
Dick Pearson - FIND HIM
he can tell us who mock POTUS IS is
Dais participants
Who will be seated on either side of POTUS
Who will intro POTUS?
San LA
Fram" CA
Sanple-adv.
DrugSummit
SA,OX
Mr. Pearson: nomination of mock POTUS-Who? who?
words to "Come to the Land of Alfalfa".
Craig: dais participants
who's on sides of of POTUS
and corporate leaders.
economy.
See ALFALFA, D10, Col. 1
man of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, senators, congressmen
House, the chief justice of the United States, the chair-
of the Cabinet (males, that is), the speaker of the
men, including the president, the vice president, most
In other words, some of the country's most powerful
ers, overpaid CEOs; lawyers and other drags on the
Okla.) put it: "Gentlemen, congressional check bounc-
as outgoing Alfalfa president Sen. David L. Boren (D-
But these aren't just any frat rats. They'
Bad jokes. No women and no press.
the Capital Hilton Saturday night. Boys. Booze. Cigars.
Welcome to the 79th annual Alfalfa Club dinner at
to make a big splash.'
nervous, though, when I said I hoped
President Bush. "Bill did look a little
agesto sit nextito me tonight," said
liam Rehnquist for having the cour-
"I'd like to thank Chief Justice Wil-
dent was there.
the barfing-even though the presi-
It was a fraternity party without
Special to The Post
By Roxanne Roberts and Dana Thomas
The Powerful at Play
Behind Closed Doors,
Banter on Barfing
The Alfalfa Dinner's
well,
D10 MONDAY, JANUARY 27, 1992
R
THE WASHINGTON POST
"James Baker has a sign on his
whole rainbow of aging white
Alfalfa:
door," said President Bush. "It reads
males."
'10 to 3.' They're not his hours, but
his odds of not being there."
Campaign '92
"Millions of people around the
"I dialed Jerry Brown's 800 num-
The Boys'
world want to come to America,"
ber," cracked Bush, "and I got Plu-
said Sen. Lloyd Bentsen (D-Tex.).
to."
"Too bad the president isn't one of
"Jerry Brown?" asked Bentsen. "I
them."
have to say that if Jerry Brown is the
Night Out
"The truth is, Henry [Kissinger]
answer, it must be a damn peculiar
was actually born in the United
question."
States," said Baker. "He speaks with
The three bulk commodities
an accent because he's never lis-
ALFALFA, From DI
George Bush would like to send
tened to anyone." ("Yes, I know. One
An invitation to this event means
of the best jokes was about me," Kis-
abroad, offered Baker: "Wheat, corn
and Pat Buchanan."
you've arrived. To what, we're not
singer said suavely afterward. "As
sure.
long as they mention my name, I feel
And according to a recent survey,
"It's really à lot of men getting to-
satisfied.")
said Baker, anyone who answers
gether to pat themselves on the
It's about laughing at yourself
"yes" to at least two of the following
back that they were invited, said
three questions is a David Duke sup-
anyway.
speech writer Landon Parvin.
porter:
So why would more than 500
Their Boy Lloyd
1. If your front porch falls down,
middle-aged and old men brave
Bentsen, this year's Alfalfa nomi-
will it kill more than three dawgs?
Washington's biggest snow in two
nee for U.S. president, sauntered to
2. Does your daddy walk you to
years to attend yet another black-tie
the podium waving a 10-gallon Stet-
school because he's in- the same
dinner? Is it one of those male-bond-
son to the strains of "The Eyes of
grade?
ing sessions where they sit in a cir-
Texas." "Gentlemen," he drawled,
-3. Do you have curtains in your
cle, tell stories of their youth, beat
BY
ANDRE
CHUNG-THE
WASHINGTON
POST
over the loud applause, hootin' and
pickup but not in your home?
tom-toms, break down their macho
Sen. Chuck Robb at the Alfalfa dinner.
hollerin', "I'd like to congratulate
facades, hug and cry?
you on your superb choice for a can-
They Don't Remember
"It's a real gathering of the tribes,
What does happen according to
didate."
Come on guys, this isn't the Iran-
isn't it?" said Joseph Reed, U.S. rep-
very, very, very anonymous sourc-
The orchestra-well, actually it
contra hearings. You don't have to
resentative to the United Nations
es-who are sworn to secrecy-is
was a band-moved gently into
hide behind the Fifth Amendment or
General Assembly.
the initiation of a new president and
"America, the Beautiful" as Bentsen
Reagan amnesia. But Alfalfans do.
"Good camaraderie and family
members. a farewell from the outgo-
recited a long tall Texas tale about
When asked what his favorite joke
jokes," said Health and Human Ser-
ing president, the nomination of a
his life. Born in a log cabin, he said.
mock presidential candidate and five
of the night was, Rehnquist snarled.
vices Secretary Louis Sullivan.
Poor rancher, he said. Served in
"Ha. Ha. Go ask someone else."
"It's just a bunch of fluff and fun
hours of bipartisan roasting. No one
World War II. he said, "which I won."
"This is off the record," said Sen.
and the Marine Corps Band," de-
is spared:
His foreign policy: "If I want to
Charles Robb (D-Va.), "so I let those
fended Sen. Alan Simpson (R-Wyo.).
"In spite of the criticisms," said
meet a foreigner, I'll just go down to
"Low-class cornball," said Sen.
Secretary of State and incoming Al-
K Street and hail a cab."
who want to re-author their remarks
Howell Heflin (D-Ala.).
falfa president James Baker, "I can
And domestically, he promised to
to do so themselves."
"What happens? What happens?!"
report that the president's recent
appoint a Cabinet of "people of com-
Sen. Sam Nunn (D-Ga.): "I don't
exclaimed Bush campaign general
trip to the Far East will be responsi-
petence-and also some Demo-
quote anybody, thank you."
chairman Robert Mosbacher on his
ble for the creation of thousands of
crats." He claimed it would repre-
And Ambassador Reed did the
way up to the dinner. "If I told you,
jobs. Unfortunately, they're all in Ja-
sent a good cross-section of Alfalfan
Diplomatic Dodge: "What did you
well, you'd never believe it."
pan."
Americans. "I intend to nominate a
hear?"
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