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323154882
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Campaign Material 9/92 [OA 8130]
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323154882
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Campaign Material 9/92 [OA 8130]
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13890-024
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Records of the White House Office of Speechwriting (George H. W. Bush Administration)
Curt Smith Chronological Files
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Originally Processed With FOIA(s):
FOIA Number:
S
FOIA
MARKER
This is not a textual record. This is used as an
administrative marker by the George Bush Presidential
Library Staff.
Record Group/Collection:
George H.W. Bush Presidential Records
Collection/Office of Origin:
Speechwriting, White House Office of
Series:
Smith, Curt, Files
Subseries:
Chron File, 1989-1992
OA/ID Number:
13890
Folder ID Number:
13890-024
Folder Title:
Campaign Material, 9/92
Stack:
Row:
Section:
Shelf:
Position:
G
18
29
1
6
Siller
THE PRESIDENT
SEPTEMBER 9, 1992
Yesterday, Bill Clinton was trying to show off his knowledge
of our military hardware and got a little confused. Bill
said the Patriot missile can go down chimneys. Someone
pointed out to the governor that it's the Cruise missile
that goes down chimneys. Bill said, "Oh yeah, then where
does Santa Claus go?"
Christmas Eve, Bill puts out milk and cookies for that jolly
old Patriot missile.
OR
Bill Clinton was trying to show off his knowledge of our
military hardware and got a little confused. Bill said the
Patriot missile has the ability to go down chimneys. Do we
really want a president who can't tell the difference
between a Patriot missile and Santa Claus?
Somebody better straighten the Governor out. Or next
Christmas he may call out the Arkansas National Guard to
arrest eight reindeer and a fat guy.
It's scary to think that man had his finger on the button in
the Little Rock War Room.
It isn't Bill Clinton's fault. While the Pentagon was
designing missiles, Bill was at Oxford majoring in Letter
Writing 101.
Ray Siller
THE PRESIDENT SPEECH TO NATIONAL GUARD SEPT. 15, 1992
If you were a contestant on "Jeopardy" and Alex Trebek said,
"The Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, and National
Guard", the correct response would be "Name five groups Bill
Clinton loathes."
Bill Clinton's idea of military service is watching re-runs
of "F Troop" (or "Hogan's Heroes").
During the Vietnam War, Bill Clinton was basically a
conscientious objector. But to be a conscientious objector,
don't you first have to have a conscience?
When "The Marines were looking for a few good men", Bill
Clinton enrolled at Oxford.
During the Vietnam War, Bill Clinton heard that Oxford
University was looking for a few good men.
During the Vietnam War, Bill Clinton was stationed at Fort
Oxford.
When Uncle Sam called Bill Clinton, Bill Clinton called
Uncle Raymond.
Governor Clinton claims he doesn't remember getting his
induction notice. They say people can have selective
amnesia. Bill has Selective Service amnesia.
Bill Clinton does have experience in foreign affairs. He
spent the Vietnam War at Oxford.
[9/92]
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
THE PRESIDENT
TRAINRIDE AND GENERAL MATERIAL
Siller
Bill Clinton gets nervous when he's asked about the draft. Hell,
he breaks into hives watching an episode of "Major Dad".
This guy keeps shifting his positions. Maybe he ought to debate
himself. They could bill the contest "Slick Willie versus Shifty
Billy".
Bill Clinton has threatened to debate himself in Michigan. That
should be interesting. Each Bill Clinton will accuse the other of
distortion (fibbing).
They were gonna decide which Bill Clinton speaks by a coin toss.
But they figured before the coin hit the ground one of them would
have spent it.
Bill Clinton debating Bill Clinton. Don King couldn't promote a
crowd for that matchup.
Bill Clinton debating Bill Clinton. You can't beat that matchup for
excitement. It makes the Bobby Fischer-Boris Spassky chess match
seem like the Super Bowl.
(OHIO TRAINRIDE)
We passed through cornfields with scarecrows. One scarecrow was
really scarey. He was dressed up FITRUSE lawyer (or
like a trial
WASHINGTON
lawyer, member of Congress, Democratic politician, specific local
pol, Sam Donaldson, Mario Cuomo, etc.)
The scarecrow was so scarey some crows brought back the corn they
had stolen two years ago. (OLD FRED ALLEN LINE)
Don't you love the way Bill Clinton's handlers stage events and
have him sitting on a bale of hay like he's downhome and in his
natural environment? If they really want to show the governor in
his natural environment, they should have him pose with his hand
in a taxpayer's pocket.
The governor's handlers try to present him in a setting out of
Norman Rockwell
when he's closer to Norman Bates.
The handlers had Bill climb aboard a tractor that read "John
Deere". The governor thought it belonged to a farmer practicing an
alternative lifestyle.
One farmer invited Governor Clinton to speak at his farm. Later the
farmer said he was voting for the Republicans. Clinton said, "Then
why did you ask me to come her and speak?" The farmer said, "Cause
I noticed wherever you talk, the crops seem to grow faster".
(COLUMBUS)
I want to congratulate the Columbus Clippers for their come-from-
behind win to capture the League title. You did it
WASHINGTON
the hard way without hiring ringers from the Philippine Little
League team.
The Clippers pulled it out in the bottom of the ninth. I must talk
with (NAME OF MANAGER OR STAR PLAYER) and ask if I can borrow their
Gatorade.
It proves the underdog can win. Soon as I get back to Washington,
I'm gonna teach the Republicans in Congress to do the Wave.
The goal of every Clipper is to one day be sent up to the New York
Yankees and negotiate a contract with George Steinbrenner. And I
thought running for re-election was tough. (OR,
AND I THOUGHT
DEALING WITH CONGRESS WAS BAD.)
Imagine having to negotiate with Steinbrenner? To prepare for that
moment, some Clippers lie down in a field and ask a farmer to run
a tractor over them.
(ARLINGTON)
Someone told me the first log cabin was built in Arlington in 1834.
There's a drawing of the log cabin with a crowd of politicians
lined up waiting to be born in it.
As a Presidential candidate, I would love to say I was born in a
log cabin. Actually, it was a log condo My parents used it for
a tax writeoff.
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
Where I grew up, it wasn't easy to become a politician. We didn't
have outdoor plumbing 'til I was 21.
In 1897 (?), Arlington had its first newspaper, the Arlington
Gazette. Someone showed me a copy of the first
headline "Democrats win. Taxes skyrocket".
In 1900, Arlington got its first telephone. And in 1901, Jerry
Brown's great grandfather installed the first 800 number.
(ARLINGTON SOFTBALL)
Not many people know that "softball" was named for the questions
TV reporters ask of Democratic presidential candidates.
(MICHIGAN)
Governor Clinton wants American cars to get 40 miles per gallon,
which will cost thousands of jobs in Michigan. Contrary to what the
Democrats say, all the lemons don't originate in Detroit. At least
one comes from Little Rock.
(SOFTBALL)
Governor Clinton was supposed to attend a softball game. He backed
out after he learned there'd be three umpires instead of one.
(HORSESHOES along train ride)
i had a horseshoe pit (contry at the White House. I like to
WASHINGTON
play with my family. We Bushes are tough competitors. The other
day, my grandson accused me of corking my shoe.
Al Gore said in his book that "the automobile is a mortal threat
to our natuional security". And all these years we thought it was
the Commies.
Governor Clinton took a break on the campaign trail and went into
a tavern for a sandwich and ordered a beer. The bartender said,
"Draft?" Bill said, "I don't remember".
Governor Clinton picked up an endorsement from Aunt Jemima
for
his skill at waffling. (OR, BILL WAS NAMED MOST LIKELY TO WAFFLE.)
I get the sense there's support out here for our ticket. We passed
a farm and a herd of COWS did the Wave.
One dairy farmer said he'd be pulling for us.
(SOFTBALL AND/OR BASEBALL GAME ALONG TRAIN TRIP)
Governor Clinton planned to attend your game. He wanted to be there
to throw out the first fib. (falsehood)
The Clinton bus tour must be planning a trip through here. A local
tailor told me his customers have asked that their pockets be sewn
shut.
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
(ARLINGTON, OHIO)
(PICNIC)
Bill Clinton attended a picnic and unfortunately ants got into the
food. That didn't bother the governor. These days, he's more
concerned with uncles.
Governor Clinton tells us America is being ridiculed around the
world. I think the day he said it he may have been inhaling some
of his bus fumes and enjoyed it.
Governor Clinton, America isn't last. It's first. We are the
locomotive that pulls the world forward. Negative thinkers like you
and your kind will always be the caboose pulling up the
rear
hitching up to someone else's engine and getting a free
ride.
The Clinton-Gore gang would have Detroit build cars with a 4-speed
transmission
all speeds in reverse.
When you're constantly campaigning around the country, the jet lag
can get to you and you can have trouble falling asleep. Governor
Clinton has a surefire way to sleep. He counts sheep straddling a
fence.
Governor Clinton's worried. There's a rumor his late uncle Raymond
wrote a book about Bill
called "Nephew Dearest".
We've had a disagreement THE the debates. I wanted one
WASHINGTON
moderator and three panelists as in the past. Governor Clinton
wants just one moderator. And unfortunately, Murphy Brown's baby
isn't available (takes a nap at the time) (hasn't yet learned to
talk) (disagreed on the location for the debate. Governor Clinton
wants to hold it in Murphy Brown's baby's crib.)
Governor Clinton and I have disagreed on the format for the debate.
He refuses to take sodium pentothal.
A sad story in the news. Following this past week's episode of
"Murphy Brown", Murphy Brown's baby sued Murphy charged her with
being an unfunny mother.
Turns out her kid is a Republican.
Some sad news to report from the world of TV sit coms. Today Murphy
Brown's baby sued Murphy
claiming she was an unfit fictional
mother.
There's a scandal brewing on the set of "Murphy Brown". It was
disclosed that Murphy's baby enrolled at Oxford nursery school to
avoid being drafted into kindergarten.
We're beginning to make headway even among TV's cultural elite.
Today Murphy Brown grounded her baby. Murphy caught her kid with
a radio in her crib tuned to Rush Limbaugh.
THE WHITE HOUSE