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    "title": "1975/03/22 - Gridiron Dinner",
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    "ocrText": "The original documents are located in Box 43, folder \"1975/03/22 - Gridiron Dinner\" of the\nJames M. Cannon Files at the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Library.\nCopyright Notice\nThe copyright law of the United States (Title 17, United States Code) governs the making of\nphotocopies or other reproductions of copyrighted material. Gerald Ford donated to the United\nStates of America his copyrights in all of his unpublished writings in National Archives collections.\nWorks prepared by U.S. Government employees as part of their official duties are in the public\ndomain. The copyrights to materials written by other individuals or organizations are presumed to\nremain with them. If you think any of the information displayed in the PDF is subject to a valid\ncopyright claim, please contact the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Library.\nDigitized from Box 43 of the James M. Cannon Files at the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Library\n7PM - Gridiron dinnner\nSaturday, March 22, 1975\nTHE WHITE HOUSE\nWASHINGTON\nTHE GRIDIRON DINNER\nStatler Hilton Hotel\nSATURDAY - MARCH 22, 1975\nAttire: White Tie and\nLong Dress\nDeparture: 6:40 P.M.\nFrom:\nTerry O'Donnello\nBACKGROUND:\nThe Ninetieth Annual Dinner of the Gridiron Club will be noted for the initiation\nof the Club's first woman member, Helen Thomas of United Press International.\nThis will be the third year that women have been guests at the Saturday evening\ndinner, but the first time in the Club's history that the First Lady has attended.\nBoth Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Rockefeller are slated to help initiate the Club's new\nmembers who include, in addition to Helen Thomas, Godfrey Sperling of the\nChristian Science Monitor, Dan Thomasson of Scripps-Howard Newspapers, and\nCarrol Kilpatrick of the Washington Post.\nThe evening will consist of a brief head table reception and six dinner courses\ndispersed among seven humorous skits. Club tradition prohibits press coverage\nof the dinner and skits. Attached at TAB A is a Gridiron prepared summary of\nthe evening's activities that portrays very descriptively the flavor and spirit of\nthe evening. The seating diagram and your remarks are enclosed.\nSEQUENCE:\n6:40 p.m.\nYou and Mrs. Ford board motorcade on South Grounds\nand depart en route the Statler Hilton Hotel.\n6:45 p.m.\nArrive Statler Hilton Hotel where you will be met by\nMr. Lucian C. Warren, President, The Gridiron Club,\nand Mr. Joseph Frederick, General Manager, Statler\nHilton Hotel, and escorted to the Continental Room for\nthe Head Table Reception.\n6:48 p.m.\nArrive Continental Room and informally greet head\ntable guests.\n2.\n7:00 p.m.\nThe Head Table Guests will form up and enter the\nBallroom. You and Mrs. Ford, and the Vice President\nand Mrs. Rockefeller remain behind.\n7:08 p.m.\n\"Ruffles and Flourishes\"\n\"Hail, Columbia\"\nThe Vice President and Mrs. Rockefeller proceed\nto the Head Table.\n7:10 p.m.\n\"Ruffles and Flourishes\"\n\"Hail to the Chief\"\nNOTE:\nClub tradition calls for honors but\nno announcement.\nNO PRESS COVERAGE\nATTENDANCE: 547\n7:10 p.m.\nYou and Mrs. Ford proceed to the head table and\nremain standing behind your seats. Seating order to\nthe left of the podius is: Lucian Warren, the President,\nMr. Henry Urban (Publisher, Buffalo Evening News),\nMrs. Ford and Mr. Robert Strauss, Chairman of the\nDemocratic National Committee.\n7:12 p.m.\nMusic in the Air (lights are turned out).\n7:15 p.m.\nSpeech in the Dark by Lucian Warren (all\nremain standing for Warren's speech).\n7:20 p.m.\nOpening skit.\nNOTE:\nDinner courses are served between skits.\n7:30 p.m.\nMarine Band performs.\n7:50 p.m.\nInitiation of new members.\n7:51 p.m.\nMrs. Ford joins Mrs. Rockefeller at podium for\nparticipation in initiation of Helen Thomas as\nthe first woman member of the Gridiron Club.\n8:00 p.m.\nMrs. Ford returns to her seat and is seated.\n8:01 p.m.\nWomen's Liberation skit.\n8:05 p.m.\nElla Grasso, Governor of Connecticut, responds\nfor Women's Liberation Skit.\n3.\n8:25 p.m.\nDemocratic skit.\n8:45 p.m.\nRobert Strauss, Chairman, Democratic\nParty, responds.\n9:25 p.m.\nForeign Policy skit.\n9:45 p.m.\nForeign Policy skit response. (This was to\nhave been Secretary Kissinger's response.)\n10:05 p.m.\nRepublican skit.\n10:30 p.m.\nVice President Rockefeller responds.\n10:55 p.m.\nToast to the President by Lucian Warren,\nconcluding with your introduction.\n10:57 p.m.\nPRESIDENTIAL REMARKS.\nNO PRESS COVERAGE.\n11:05 p.m.\nRemarks conclude. You return to your seat and\nremain standing.\n11:07 p.m.\nSinging of Auld Lang Syne.\n11:10 p.m.\nYou and Mrs. Ford depart head table, followed\nby Vice President and Mrs. Rockefeller, en route\nmotorcade for boarding.\n11:15 p.m.\nDepart Statler Hilton Hotel en route South Grounds.\n11:20 p.m.\nArrive South Grounds.\n#####\nNOT TO BE RELEASED UNTIL\n6 P.M. EDT, Saturday\nMarch 22, 1975. For Sunday\npapers of March 23.\nGRIDIRON DINNER\nDemocratic candidates were lampooned and Republicans were satirized with\nreminders that \"Hoover Days are Here Again\" as President Ford, Vice President\nRockefeller and other luminaries of public and private life looked on at the 90th anni-\nversary dinner and show of the Gridiron Club last night.\nGridiron history was made with the initiation of the club's first woman member,\nHelen Thomas of United Press International. Initiated along with her were Godfrey\nSperling of the Christian Science Monitor, Dan Thomasson of Scripps-Howard News-\npapers, Carroll Kilpatrick of the Washington Post and, as limited members, Lieut.\nCol. Jack T. Kline, director of the Marine Band, Lieut. John R. Bourgeois, assistant\ndirector of the band, and Prof. James Waring of the Catholic Theater Drama Department.\nFor the first time in the club's history, the wife of the President and the wife of\nthe Vice President were invited guests at the Saturday night dinner. Mrs. Betty Ford\nand Mrs. Margaretta Rockefeller were slated to help initiate the club's new members.\nThe show opened with a circus scene to remind the audience that the ancient\nRomans got by in hard times by giving the masses bread and circuses.\nThe scene switched to the Democrats who were staging a modern version of the\nFrench Revolution, with revolting Democrats executing their leaders and the modern\nversion of Madame DeFarge, Madame Fanny DeFoxe, the French Firecracker,\ndropping her stitches and singing \"Let Me Entertain You. \"\nThen came the Republicans, gathered at Hoover University in the good old\n1930's, and trying to find a way to keep Big Jerry from flunking his economics exam\nand being barred from the Big Game.\nMore than 500 leaders in government, politics, journalism and the diplomatic\ncorps gathered for the annual white tie gourmet dinner at the Statler-Hilton Hotel\nwhere the long tables were arranged in the shape of a gridiron, a gridiron that\ntraditionally singes but never burns.\n(more)\nThe traditional \"Speech in the Dark, \" was delivered by Lucian Warren, the\nClub's new president and Washington correspondent of the Buffalo Evening News.\nWarren told the gathering that \"we can rejoice that we have protections and\nsafeguards\" the Founding fathers \"did not enjoy. \"\n\"We have the FBI and the CIA, who even now, while you are at this dinner, may\nbe protecting you by inspecting your home, your mail and your telephone facilities. \"\n\"The CIA, I am glad to say, is represented here, \" Warren said. \"Director\nColby is at this head table and various of his aides are scattered among you. Al-\nthough you might not recognize a CIA agent at your table, please note the magnificent\ncenterpiece of roses. During your dinner conversations, Mr. Colby would appreciate\nit if you would speak directly into the roses. \"\nHe reminded guests that one of the rules of the club is that \"ladies are always\npresent, reporters are never present.\"\nFollowing tradition, there was only one toast at the dinner to the President\nof the United States. Mr. Ford's response was off the record.\nAlso off the record were the remarks by Vice President Rockefeller; Gov.\nElla Grasso of Connecticut and Robert Strauss, chairman of the Democratic National\nCommittee.\nThe red coated United States Marine Band, conducted by Lt. Col. Kline enter-\ntained with dinner music. In charge of production was Robert Boyd, Washington\nBureau Chief of Knight newspapers.\nThe curtain rose with a circus parade illustrating the theme that when the\ngovernment doesn't know how to solve the country's problems it puts on a circus.\nFor the opening number the circus performers sang:\nWe've a prescription to save our great nation,\nCure the Recession and whip, I say whip, inflation\nPut on a circus and bring on the clowns,\nFor a while let our antics wipe away your frowns.\nCongressmen fiddle while energy's burning,\nJerry's skiing while King Faisal counts his earnings.\nYou're out of work and you've run out of dough,\nNever mind we'll divert you with our three-ring show.\n(more)\nSecretary of State Henry Kissinger was lampooned in a foreign policy skit.\nAfter wheeling and dealing with \"Three Kings of Orient, \" and chatting on the phone\nwith Arabs, Israelis, Brezhnev, Chou En Lai and the Pope, Kissinger sang:\nA wandering merchant, I,\nWho deals in confrontation,\nDetente and consternation\nAnd schemes that mystify.\nBismarck and Metternich\nAnd me and Machiavelli!\nI'm not a Nervous Nellie!\nI've slippery rhetoric --\nYes, slippery rhetoric.\nAs I said to my friendly foe, Leonid Brezhnev:\nWe'll match your missile force,\nImprove your trade resource,\nDiscourse til we are hoarse\nO'er wheat and SALT!\nOh-h-h-h-h Leonid, Leonid.\nIn the Middle East the problem's complicated,\nFor peace I've flown my shuttle far and wide.\nAnd our mercenaries must be tolerated.\nLike Hessians they will fight for either side!\nFor Peking and Hanoi I will dissemble,\nWheel and deal just like the crafty Talleyrand.\nAnd I'm not at all surprised that nations tremble,\nFor I have secrets that eluded Sally Rand!\nWith a number of women guests in the audience, a Club member noted that it\nused to be the \"cradle of male chauvinism. \"\n\"Now we confess we were behind the times, \" a member confessed. \"What was\nbehind us is nowbeside us. \"\nAnd in the tradition of Nelson Eddy, contrition was expressed in \"Stout\nHearted Hen. \"\nSisters mine!\nWe can win\nBy hanging tough.\nPearls\nBefore swine\nWe have been\nQuite long enough!\nLet our adversaries all be male --\nAny female\nCan call their bluff!\nWe're\nOn our way!\nGive a cheer\nHip hooray!\nNow our might is loosed,\nWe will show them who rules the roost!\n-4-\nGive me a hen who's a stout-hearted hen,\nWho will fight for her right to the sun --\nAdd in some frails disenchanted with males,\nAnd before long the war has begun -- Oh!\nBring on the masses of matrons and lasses --\nThe battle like that'll be won!\nThen there's no one in the world won't get our message quick,\nWhen stout-hearted hens can stick together chick to chick!\nDemocrats were roasted in a skit set in a French Revolutionary scene. Con-\ngressional Leader Tip \"Robespierre\" O'Neill called into session a \"Committee on\nPublic Safety\" which tried to get the revolution organized and \"chop off Republican heads. \"\nThe skit opened with Madame DeFoxe letting the audience in on a few secrets\nabout Congress:\nLet me entertain you,\nLet me tell you how\nA Congressman relaxes\nFrom legislating taxes\nAnd other things highbrow.\nHis dedication\nTo recreation\nIs sure to brighten the day.\nSo let me entertain you\nWhile the statesmen are at play yes sir!\nThose boys sure know how to play!\nLet them entertain you,\nLet them show you how\nCongress does a few tricks,\nSome old and then some new tricks\nLike what they are up to now.\nA revolution\nIs their solution --\nThey're working ni-ight and day --\nSo let them entertain you\nIn -- the -- Dem Ocrat ic way yes sir!\nThe -- true frater ni -- tay!\nCitizen Hubert Humphrey revealed the Democratic strategy to the tune of\n\"Love is Sweeping the Country\":\nWe are running the country,\nWe are pulling the strings,\nSwinging axes on guns and taxes,\nJust having one of our mad flings.\nSee us pushing and shoving,\nGrabbing time on TV;\nEach Democrat alike picks his place to strike,\nThinking national is irrational;\nWe are running the country,\nYes, we are off on a spree!\n(more)\nWe already run Congress\nNow we're moving downtown;\nFord can't balk us -- we'll rule by caucus --\nWe're turning things all upside down.\nWe are running the whole show,\nJerry's running behind;\nWe listen for applause while we're making laws,\nPlaying diplomats, bossing bureaucrats;\nWe are running the country,\nYes, running it out of its mind!\nThen Carl \"Napoleon\" Albert arrives with three old warriors who met their\nWaterloo in the Assembly Baron Patman, Duke Poage and le General Hebert of\nLouisiana, the Sixteenth.\nHebert stepped forward and said: \"Citizens, they got \"ay-bear\" by the tail.\nLet me tell you what happened. \"\nTo the tune of \"The Sting, \" Hebert sang:\nWe got hit by a deadly sting,\nSee that's what happens when caucus is king.\nWhip-per snap-pers are full of sting,\nAnd the freshmen no longer kiss your ring.\nMust have learned it in eastern schools,\nThey made us look like a bunch of durn fools,\nWe old timers play fair-ly, yes, we always shoot square-ly,\nBut reformers don't go by the rules.\nIt was like vaudeville\nThat day up on the Hill\nWhen all the Democratic freshmen came to town.\nThere was a dancing bear,\nEven a dog act there,\nAnd all those shouters, strutters, acrobats and clowns.\nBut when I came on\nTo do my fav-'rite song,\nReformers quickly turned my world all upside down;\nThey wielded their new clout,\nTo kick their old chairmen out,\nThose durn re-form-ers.\nWhen it came to the final crunch,\nI held my nose, took a freshman to lunch;\nBut I found we ain't got a chance,\nWhen the lib-'rals put on their song and dance.\nSo we had to ca-pit-u-late;\nAnd when it came time to fish or cut bait,\nOur immortal doorkeeper, who could yell, \"Mr. Speeekuh\",\nHe was fin-al-ly given the gate.\nSuddenly a character right out of Dickens \"Tale of Two Cities\" showed up.\n\"Sidney Carton\" Jackson, also known as Scoop, admired himself in a mirror and\nsang, \"I Believe In You. \":\n(more)\nYou have the cool, clear eyes of a master of wisdom and truth;\nYet there's that spring-like tread and that grin of perennial youth;\nOh I believe in you -- I believe in you.\nYou make those oil men sweat, yes, they tremble whenever you talk;\nCom-mies and Ay-rabs dread to confront you, you high-flying hawk.\nOh, I believe in you I believe in you.\nSo, when my hopes for those pri-ma-ries, all but fall apart,\nI recall Scammon and Wattenberg, and I take heart, I take heart.\nBig Labor thinks you're swell, so does Boeing, you really can't lose;\nAnd it's a great big plus to say some of your best friends are Jews;\nOh I believe in you -- I believe in you.\nSenator Mondale quit, when the fire in his belly went out;\nKennedy holds back too, but with Scoop there is never a doubt.\nOh I believe in you -- I believe in you.\nSoon afterward George Bourgeois Wallace entered and claimed he had been con-\nverted to the principles of \"liberte and egalite, 11 and wanted to recant in public.\n\"I been recantin' all over the place up Nawth and down South. I'll do it again,\nif y'all'll just let me through the school house door. \"\nThen to the melody of \"Brotherhood of Man, \" Wallace sang of his transformation:\nThere is a Brotherhood of Man,\nI'm a-joinin' that Brotherhood of Man,\nA lofty tent that spreads\nO'er blacks and pointy-heads,\nAll in one Brotherhood of Man.\nYes, I believe in liberty;\nStop a-foolin' 'round with the Ku Klux Klan;\nGive me equality\nIn that fraternity\nThe great big Brotherhood of Man.\nI'm not the guy I was before,\nStandin' all alone in the school house door;\nFarewell to good ole' boys\nAnd all such southren joys,\nThose days are gone for evermore.\nI don't mind bussin', no not me;\nIt's a-fittin' in with my master plan;\nSo tem-por-ar-i-lee\n\"Til that first pri-mar-eee,\nI'll try your Brotherhood of Man.\nCitizen Bob Strauss, Chairman of the Democratic Committee Nationale, looked\nover the field of Democratic candidates needed to charge the Bastille, and saw they\n\"all had got the itch. \" He sang:\n(more)\nWe've got a loverly bunch of cccoanuts,\nThere they are a-standin' in a row,\nSmall ones, smaller ones, smaller ones than that;\nSome of 'em dumb, and some of 'em numb,\nWho don't know where they're at;\nWe've got a loverly bunch of cocoanuts,\nAnd frankly, friends, they all have got the itch,\nPlease take a chance,\nStep up and take a chance,\nOn our candidates for just a penny a pitch:\nBumpers, Bentsen, Bobby Byrd a penny a pitch,\nScoop and Mo and Adlai Third -- a penny a pitch,\nHumphrey, Muskie, Bayh!\nCarter, Wallace, aye!\nAny cocoanut you want, a penny a pitch.\nHarris, Hartke, Hart and Church -- a penny a pitch,\nReubin, Terry, Hugh and Birch -- a penny a pitch,\nLawton, William, Joe,\nLarry, Curly, Mo --\nAny cocoanut you want, a penny a pitch.\nTunney, Cranston, Bond and Brown a penny a pitch,\nAny Democrat in town -- a penny a pitch,\nGrasso, Glenn and Strauss,\n(Had you thought of Strauss?)\nAny cocoanut you want, a penny a pitch.\nFor the Republican ribbing, the scene shifted to the nostalgic setting of Hoover\nUniversity, where a portrait of Herbert Hoover loomed large and a banner read\n\"Beat Roosevelt. \"\nThe introducer told the audience \"Folks are yearning for the good old days of the\n1930's -- of five-cent cigars, 10-cent gasoline and 25 per cent unemployment. \"\nBut Hoover U.was not a happy place. Big Jerry, the star center and the captain\nof the football team was flunking economics -- and might not be able to play in the\nBig Game against Roosevelt Academy.\nThe Chairman of the Hoover Pep Club, John Rhodes, had organized a rally on\ncampus. The rally was just beginning. As the curtain opened the entire Gridiron\nchorus burst into the song \"Hoover Days are Here Again.\"\nHoover days are here again,\nMillionaires are drinking beer again,\nFear is all we have to fear again\nHoover days are here again.\n(more)\nHard luck times are back again,\nThe economy is slack again,\nThe country's out of whack again,\nHoover days are here again.\nGloom and doom are all about,\nThe Statler's serving sauerkraut.\nWhere's the RFC to bail us out?\nHoover days are here again.\nDetroit has layoffs galore\nAnd Ford will lay off some more.\nBrother, show you care again,\nDo you have a dime to spare again?\nLaissez faire is in the air again,\nHoover days are here again.\nCheer leader Ron Nessen whipped up the crowd with a declaration \"Oh,\nJerry'll do all right\nHe's gonna buckle down and W-I-N, WIN!\"\nThe cheerleaders explained the theory of Republican economics with the words:\nTrickle down, Winsocki, trickle down,\nYou can win, Winsocki, if you trickle down;\nGive a tax rebate\nTo the highest rate,\nLet it gravitate\nAnd trickle down.\nTrickle down, Winsocki, trickle down,\nYou can win, Winsocki, if you trickle down;\nWhen the market's lax\nCut the corp' rate tax,\nGive it forty whacks\nAnd let the profits trickle down.\nYou can lick this pickle that you're in --\nThe old trickle trick'll surely win.\nsure as sin!\nTough it out, Bill Simon, tough it out,\nYou can win, Bill Simon, if you tough it out;\nLet your fatter cats\nEat in Automats\nWith the Democrats;\nThey've got to learn to tough it out.\nPlay it cool, Bill Seidman, play it cool,\nYou can win, Bill Seidman, if you play it cool;\nOn the burning deck\nOf a fiscal wreck,\nWrite a rubber check,\nAnd play it cool.\nBottom out, Al Greenspan, bottom out,\nYou can win, Al Greenspan, if you bottom out;\nWhen the voters grump\nAt this dismal slump,\nLet 'em take their lumps\nAnd show 'em how to bottom out.\n(more)\nWhen you hit the bottom of the chart,\nThat is when you've gott'em, so take heart. so take heart!\nGive 'em hell, Winsocki, give 'em hell,\nYou can win, Winsocki, if you give 'em hell;\nWhen the pump won't prime\nAnd the Dow won't climb\nAnd it's panic time,\nIt's Congress' fault, so give 'em hell!\nSong and dance man Arthur Burns led the White House Council of Economic\nAdvisers in a dance illustrating the principle of \"Hoover economics\" to the tune of\n\"Side by Side. \"\nAll the poor folks are talking 'bout money,\nBut we think the future's quite sunny.\nWe keep our cool, 'cause we know the rule\nIs TURN AROUND.\n(radio voice: \"THE TURN AROUND\" - dancers do Turn Around Step)\nOh, the stock market's deep in a chasm\nBut that's just an energy spasm;\nThough brokers jump, we'll soon prime the pump\nAnd END THE SLUMP.\n(radio voice: \"The Slump\" - dancers do the Slump Step)\nWell, it's no time for any great nation\nTo fold from a little stag-flation.\nThese are the days to waffle sideways\n'Cause WAFFLING PAYS.\n(radio voice: \"The Sideways Waffle\" - Dancers do Waffle Step)\nSo you can't buy a house on the prairie,\nYou can't buy a car and it's scary.\nBut we won't pout -- folks needn't doubt,\nWe'll BOTTOM OUT.\nBack in the study hall, Big Jerry's pals worried that some second stringers\nwere figuring to grab Jerry's spot in the line up. They spotted Ronnie Reagan,\nHowie Baker and Chuck Percy -- all raring to go. The trio sang:\nStanding on the corner, watching Jerry Ford go by,\nStanding on the corner, knowing I'm the better guy.\nI've got the right-wingers solidly behind me,\nAnd they love me like apple pie\n(So\nI'm) Standing on the corner,\nCherishing my dreams,\nPolishing my schemes,\nWatching Jerry Ford go by.\n(more)\nSitting in the Senate, watching Jerry Ford go by,\nSitting in the Senate, knowing I'm the better guy.\nSo if you're hoping to capture votes in Dixie,\nReagan and Ford needn't apply.\n(So\nI'm) Sitting in the Senate,\nWaiting for my chance\nSitting out the dance,\nWatching Jerry Ford go by.\nLooking at the White House, I see Jerry Ford and sigh,\nLooking at the White House hurts so much I want to cry,\nReagan and Baker are terribly old-fashioned\nNot even Ford's modern as I.\n(So\nI'm) Standing on the sidelines\nTrying hard to smile,\nKnowing all the while\nJerry Ford will pass me by.\nBig Jerry's friends sought help from John Dean, dean of the Speech Depart-\nment. Dean had a simple solution: \"Just get a couple of fraternity boys to slip into\nthe professor's office and steal the exam questions. \" He suggested they call on\nFBI's Clarence Kelley and the CIA's Bill Colby who are \"pretty good at inside jobs. \"\nTo the tune of \"Siboney,\" Colby sang:\nIf you've been demonstrating\nThen we've got a file on you!\nIf you've been congregating\nYou are in our records, too!\nIf you go to Havana\nWe'll catch you in the network\nWe spread for those who stray.\nNight and day\nWe are filing entries in your dos-si-er!\nC-I-A!\nAll our spies keep their eyes on you while you work and play.\nC-I-A!\nFirst we pry, then we lie the C-I-way.\nPrivacee!\nYou may not have a lot, but you've got securitee.\nAs they say:\nC-I-A, ev'ry bug still has his day.\nInfiltrating,\nMachinating\nC-I-A.\nF-B-I!\nWe've got files by the miles that Congressmen can't deny.\nF-B-I!\nEvidence presidents just love to eye.\nCivil rights,\nJust a few left to you must have been an oversight.\nDon't know why FBI feels the need to alibi\nKey-hole sighting\nMemo-writing\nF-B-11\nCIA-s okay, and we say hooray, FBII\nOle'\nCoach Mel Laird then came up with his answer to the problem. He reported\nthat \"our richest alumnus, \" Nelson Rockefeller, \"has just agreed to give the economics\ndepartment a billion-dollar endowment and a year-long sabbatical for every faculty\nmember provided they let Jerry pass the course. \"\nBut Rockefeller wondered aloud if he was loved for his money \"or for myself alone?\"\n\"Being rich can really be a drag, \" he lamented, and then sang, to the tune of\n\"If I Were a Rich Man\":\nIf I were a poor man,\nDaidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle dum.\nI'd sit on my bid-dy- bid-dy bum,\nIf I were a poor-ish man.\nWouldn't have to work hard,\nDaidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle dum.\nIf I were a-biddy, biddy-poor - digguh, digguh, deedle - man.\nI'd drive a beat up Ford with low gas consumption,\nNo Jerry Ford a-driving me.\nQuite grabbing folks to say, \"Hi-ya, fe-ell-ah!\"\nThat no-rent Naval shack would suit me just fine and\nWith food stamps we'd eat almost free\nFill up on fat-back, turnips and jell-ah.\nI'd never have to smile at jokes about dimes,\nOr friends at the Chase Manhattan bank.\nAny one jokes, I sp-it in his eye.\nI'd finance no Gold-berg books; to Kissinger I would give a\nstare so cold and blank,\nThat he'd know I'm an impecunious guy.\n(sigh)\nI see my Happy wearing a Republican cloth coat,\nPlastic curlers in her hair.\nThawing casseroles for me ev'ry night.\nI see her pushing her own cart in the super-market,\nPlaying a game of solitaire.\nThat would be a poor man's wife's delight!\nAnd I would fire my experts, say just what occurs to-o-o me.\nSociologists will test me, like Solomon the Wise,\n\"If you please, dear Rocky; pardon me, Dear Rocky. 11\nAsking questions that would cross an egg-head's eyes.\nBoi boi boi, boi boi boi, boi boi boi.\nAnd it won't make one bit of diff' rence\nIf I answer yes or no;\nWhen you're poor they think you really know.\nIf I were poor I would stop talking about such guff\nAs the Brotherhood of Man.\nI could cut corners on my-y income tax.\nAnd I'd discuss the racing form with the boys out back,\nChecking how my horses ran;\nIf I were on welfare I'd relax.\nIf I were a poor man,\nDaidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle, dum.\nI'd sit on my biddy, biddy bum,\nIf I were a poor-ish man.\nWouldn't have to work hard,\nDaidle, deedle, daidle, digguh, digguh, deedle, daidle, dum.\nLord, who made the vulture and the bat,\nYou decreed my wallet should be fat.\nWould it spoil some vast eternal plan,\nIf I were a poor, poor man?\nFor the closing number the entire Gridiron cast joined hands in singing \"You'll\nNever Walk Alone\".\nWe can walk through the storm with our heads held high,\nAnd not be afraid of the night.\nFor the stars we have fol-lowed\nStill ride the sky\nAnd still show us the way back to light.\nThe times may be hard, the road may be long\nBut our destiny's our own.\nWe'll join hands with the rest of the world\nAnd we'll never walk alone\nWe'll never walk alone.\n########"
}