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South Bend Gridiron Dinner, South Bend, IN, April 17, 1967
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South Bend Gridiron Dinner, South Bend, IN, April 17, 1967
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The original documents are located in Box D22, folder "South Bend Gridiron Dinner,
South Bend, IN, April 17, 1967" of the Ford Congressional Papers: Press Secretary and
Speech File at the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Library.
Copyright Notice
The copyright law of the United States (Title 17, United States Code) governs the making of
photocopies or other reproductions of copyrighted material. The Council donated to the United
States of America his copyrights in all of his unpublished writings in National Archives collections.
Works prepared by U.S. Government employees as part of their official duties are in the public
domain. The copyrights to materials written by other individuals or organizations are presumed to
remain with them. If you think any of the information displayed in the PDF is subject to a valid
copyright claim, please contact the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Library.
To be returned to office of Ry. shard Ford
SOUTH BEND GRIDIRON DINNER
Monday, apr. 17,67
6:30 p.m. 6:30 p.m.
After hearing that introduction, obviously I'm not in
Ford Country.
But no matter what John tells you, Mike Carmichael didn't
locate this Ford at the showrooms of Low Overhead Jordan. Actually,
he got me by trading in a slightly used George Hinkle.
I stopped in at Mike's home earlier this evening. I'm
certain he'll never run for President of the United States. He
couldn't bear the thought of moving into a smaller house.
When I arrived from Washington, I couldn't help but notice
the economic progress you're making -- you're finally getting a
genuine saloon at the airport terminal. I'm told this took very
special effort by your Democratic legislators, even thoughthey
couldn't get you a medical school. Well, never mind, if you have
to wait long enough at the airport you'll think American Airlines
is Alcoholics Anonymous.
It's always a pleasure to be in South Bend. I can say
that with a smile since I never had the sad experience of being
FORD & LIBRARY GERALD
Digitized from Box D22 of The Ford Congressional Papers: Press Secretary and Speech File at the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Library
-2-
clobbered on the gridiron by the Fighting Irish. A long time ago,
back when the "ball was round", I played some football at Ann
Arbor --- but even then South Bend was known as the home of the
fighting Irish.
Of course, that was before Bobby Kennedy came to Washington ---
New York's newest Senator to square off with LBJ.
I don't mean Bobby spends all his time fighting. After all,
he just becamesa father for the tenth time.
Bobby doesn't really hate Lyndon Johnson, either. Sometimes
they agree 100%. For example, Bobby didn't think Lyndon should be
Vice President and Lyndon didn't think Bobby should be Vice President.
It's fair to assume they feel the same way about who should be President.
Maybe you haven't heard the newest Washington scuttlebutt
since all the television news you've been getting lately has been from
Chet Huntley and other strikebreakers, but Senator Kennedy has been
recovering from very painful surgery.
It's a well-kept secret, but after Bobby swore on a stack
of Bibles that he isn't running for President, they rushed him
FORD is LIBRARY GERALD
-3-
him off to the hospital.
UN
To get his fingers crossed.
Vice President Humphrey says he isn't running for President, either.
But he might, if he could find someone to second his nomination.
Hubert is a nice guy, though, and a hardworking No. 2. His
big problem --- No. 1 tries even harder.
Hubert didn't mind so much when the President put him in charge
of Outer Space. But, it was too much of a good thing when Lyndon
also saddled him with supervision of the Undersea Exploration program.
In the Navy, we called that "giving 'em the Deep Six."
But, I'm not going to pick on our Vice President, because I
think he gets enough of that lately from his old fraternity, the
ADA, sometimes known as the Americans for Democratic Action.
After all, how would you like it if every time you opened
your mouth people started talking about the Credibility Gap?
Lyndon doesn't like that phrase, "Credibility Gap". You
might say it bugs him -- and he doesn't like to be bugged any
better than Bobby Baker.
FORD & LIBRARY GERALD
- 4 -
The President blames me for constantly calling public attention
to the Credibility Gap in his administration. Sometimes I term it
a Texas-size Credibility Canyon. But, anyhow, I say such things right
out in public. Frankly, it saddens me to hear tales about the things
Lyndon has said about me behind my back.
I was told by a reporter friend not long ago that when my
name came up in a White House pow-wow, the President snorted and
said" There's nothing wrong with Jerry Ford except that he played
football too long without a helmet."
It would be inappropriate to respond in kind. But, back in
the early-Thirties when I was wearing a Michigan jersey the President
was running a New Deal giveaway program under the blazing hot Texas
sun -- I'll be frank to say I don't know whether he wore his sombrero
or not.
Besides, I'm rather proud of the lessons football taught me.
I enjoyed the chance to compare notes earlier this evening with Ara
Parseghian and Hank Stram. We didn't mention the Michigan State-
Notre Dame game. But we did discuss the Big Game that all the
political fans are watching in Washington - the Vietnam War which
FORD LIBRARY 07VH
- 5 -
has really splintered the Democratic Party.
On one side of the line of scrimmage, we have the Administration
squad, the Great Society Packers, and on the other their arch-rivals,
the Kremlin Reds. The stakes are pretty high. The head coach, Elbee
Jay, calls his boys together just before the kickoff and makes a
big pitch for consensus.
In the huddle, quarterback Hurryup Hubert calls the play.
As soon as he hears the signal, the Left Guard, Arkansaw Bill Fulbright,
accuses the quarterback of arrogance of power. When the ball is
snapped, Fulbright takes off in the opposite direction, still grouching.
In the second period, Left End Bobby Kennedy suddenly storms
from the lineup and announces to the stands that he will start his
own game of touch football at the other end of the field. All the
pom-pom girls in the rooting section squeal and follow him.
As if this isn't enough for Elbee Jay and Hurryup Hubert,
on almost every play the rollout left halfback, Wild Wayne Morse,
deliberately
GERALD FORD LIBRARY
- 6 -
trips his own ball carrier, Iron Mike Mansfield.
Whenever there's a time out, water boy Adam Clayton Powell ambles
onto the field with a bucket full of Scotch and milk.
Speaking of Mr. Powell and who isn't --- he is suing me and
Speaker John McCormack to regain his seat in the House.
Adam doesn't plan to occupy that seat any more than he did in the
past, but it's something to think about down there in Bimini with his
beautiful beaches. I said b-e-a-c-h-e-s.
You have to be careful about getting words right. Even the mighty
NEW YORK TIMES makes mistakes. At the start of this session the Republican
leadership in the House invited all 59 of our new Republican members and
their wives to a get acquainted-work retreat in a conference center just
outside Washington, D. C.
I stood up before those bright new faces of this new brood and beamed
with pleasure. We were proud to have this brood for our Republican ranks.
The next morning there was a story about it on the front page of the
NEW YORK TIMES in which the reporter compared me to a mother hen clucking
over her new brood.
FORD is LIBRARY GERALD
- 7 -
But the newsstory actually appeared in the TIMES this way: "Jerry
Ford, the House Minority Leader, was clucking proudly over his new BROAD."
I thought that was pretty funny. But you know, my wife Betty didn't
see anything funny about it at all.
Such incidents make a man's hair grow thin.
It's curious how much attention is being paid to hairstyles in
politics nowadays. Whenever Senator Dirksen and I appear together at a
news conference, the reporters write more about his coiffure than about
my comments.
But it's Bobby Kennedy's hair-do that really defies description.
The best description I've heard is "a haystack in heat."
I hope you don't think I'm being overly partisan or personal this
evening. I've heard there are a few Democrats left in Indiana.
I try to aim my shafts equally at Republicans, when they deserve it.
For instance, there's a very prominent Republican from my home
state of Michigan.
Strictly off the record, of course, he's a very slick-haired
GERALD FORD VIBRARY
- 8 -
imperious, opinionated fugitive from the automobile industry who thinks
he knows everything and is particularly annoyed by the press.
Hisname - Robert McNamara.
He formerly picked lemons for Henry Ford. Unfortunately, the
rich Fords are no relation of mine.
Do you realize I'm the only Ford who hasn't yet been called
back to Michigan for safety modifications.
Speaking of safety, the President has finally sent Congress
what he labels "Safe Streets" legislation.
I'm a little pazzled, though, whether he's referring to holdups
and muggings by crooks or his own driving habits on the highway.
You can't blame the President, though, for wanting a little
fun and relaxation. Think of the awful burden he carries. Imagine
the nagging worry that besets him day and night.
After all, your daughter isn't running around with George Hamilton.
We must be serious for a moment this evening.
At the stroke of midnight, if you haven't dropped your Federal
income tax payment in the mailbox, it's Leavenworth for you.
FORD & LIBRARY 93RALD
Of course, it may lie
- 9 -
right there in the mailbox for a week or so, the way the Postmaster General,
Larry O'Brien, delivers the mail.
But after all, Larry wasn't cut out to be a postman. His trade
is delivering votes, not letters.
He wants to modernize the Postal Service, like Mr. Cohen, your
friendly Collector of Inernal Revenue, has modernized the Internal Revenue
Service. We must hand it to Cohen -- he's the most efficient mass
pickpocket of the electronic age.
And he never stops experimenting. Down in Tucson, Arizona,
recently, they showed me a new wrinkle: a drive-in window to pay your
federal income tax. If you haven't enough cash, just leave your car.
But, cheer up. Look at the bright side of it. The faster taxes
go up and the higher prices get, the sooner we'll all become eligible
for the Poverty program.
Besides, who needs money?
You know what they say about the Great Society dollar?
"Confidentially, it shrinks!"
FORD & LIBRARY GERALD
- 10 - -
Inflation, you know, it's a very complex subject. It doesn't
really refer to the difference between Twiggy and Jayne Mansfield.
Inflation, you might say, is when people who have saved up for a rainy
day really get seaked.
Still, the Great Society will probably look after each of us.
Back when LBJ was wearing his sombrero and I my football helmet,
there was a great comedy called "You Can't Take It With You."
The Broadway hit show today is called "You Can't Even Have It
Here."
We used to hear about Fabian Socialism and security from the
cradle to the grave. I don't know what's become of Fabian, although
he might turn up in Garrison's fairy tale in New Orleans, but right
now the Washington bureaucrats are planning to add a program called
Follow-Through -- it will follow after Head Start.
Then, after that, we'll have Carry-In, Hurry-Up, Let-Down,
Drop-Dead, and Tomb-Care. And after that who cares.
So, that wraps it up for tonight. May I respectfully address
one final word to the next President of the United States. Goodnight
LIBRARY
- 11 -
George, Goodnight Dick, Goodnight Rocky, Goodnight Ronny, Goodnight
Chuck, and Goodnight Harold Stassen, wherever you are.
FORD is LIBRARY GERALD
SOUTH BEND GRIDIRON DINNER APRIL 17, 1967
AFTER HEAR ING THAT INTRODUCTION, OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT IN
FORD COUNTRY.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT JOHN TELLS YOU, MIKE CARMICHAEL
DIDN'T LOCATE THIS FORD AT THE SHOWROOMS OF LOW OVERHEAD
JORDAN. ACTUALLY, HE GOT ME BY TRADING IN A SLIGHTLY USED
GEORGE HINKLE.
Carmiched's
I STOPPED IN AT MIKE S HOME EARLIER THIS EVENTING -
I'M CERTAIN HE'LL NEVER RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES. HE COULDN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF MOVING INTO A
SMALLER HOUSE.
WHEN I ARRIVED FROM WASHINGTON, I COULDN'T HELP BUT
NOTICE THE ECONOMIC PROGRESS YOU'RE MAKING -- YOU'RE FINALLY
GETTING A GENUINE SALOON AT THE AIRPORT TERMINAL.
I'M
TOLD THIS TOOK VERY SPECIAL EFFORT BY YOUR DEMOCRATIC
FORD & LIBRARY GERALD
-2-
LEGISLATORS, EVEN THOUGH THEY COULDN'T GET YOU A MEDICAL
SCHOOL. WELL NEVER MIND IF YOU HAVE TO WAIT LONG ENOUGH
AT THE AIRPORT YOU'LL THINK AMERICAN AIRLINES IS
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.
IT'S ALWAYS A great PLEASURE TO BE IN SOUTH BEND. I CAN
SAY THAT WITH A SMILE SINCE I NEVER HAD THE SAD EXPERIENCE
OF BEING CLOBBERED ON THE GRIDIRON BY THE FIGHTING IRISH.
A LONG TIME AGO, BACK WHEN THE "BALL WAS ROUND," I PLAYED
SOME FOOTBALL AT ANN ARBOR -- BUT EVENTHEN SOUTH BEND WAS
KNOWN AS THE HOME OF THE FIGHTING IRISH.
OF COURSE/THAT WAS BEFORE Democratic BOBBY KENNEDY CAME TO
WASHINGTON -- NEW YORK'S NEWEST SENATOR TO SQUARE OFF WITH
LBJ.
I DON'T MEAN BOBBY SPENDS ALL HIS TIME FIGHTING.
GERALD FORD VIBRARY
AFTER ALL, HE JUST BECAME A FATHER FOR THE TENTH TIME.
-3-
BOBBY DOESN'T REALLY HATE LYNDON EITHER. SOMETIMES
THEY AGREE 100 PERCENT. FOR EXAMPLE, BOBBY DIDN'T THINK
LYNDON SHOULD BE VICE PRESIDENT/AND LYNDON DIDN'T THINK
BOBBY SHOULD BE VICE PRESIDENT. ITS FAIR TO ASSUME THEY
FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT WHO SHOULD BE PRESIDENT.
MAYBE YOU HAVEN HEARD THE NEWEST WASHINGTON
SCUTTLEBUTT SINCE ALL THE TELEVISION NEWS YOU'VE BEEN GETTING
LATELY HAS BEEN FROM CHET HUNTLEY AND OTHER STRIKEBREKERS.
BUT SENATOR KENNEDY HAS BEEN RECOVERING FROM VERY PAINFUL
SURGERY.
IT'S A WELL-KEPT SECRET, BUT AFTER BOBBY SWORE ON A
STACK OF BIBLES THAT HE ISN'T RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, THEY
RUSHED HIM OFF TO THE HOSPITAL.
TO GET HIS FINGERS UNCROSSED.
FORD & LIBRARY GERALD
-4-
VICE PRESIDENT HUMPHREY SAYS HE ISN'T RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT EITHER.
BUT HE MIGHT / IF HE COULD FIND SOMEONE TO SECOND HIS
NOMINATION.
HUBERT IS A NICE GUY, THOUGH AND A HARDWORKING NO. 2.
HIS BIG PROBLEM -- NO. 1 TRIES EVEN HARDER.
HUBERT DIDN'T MIND SO MUCH WHEN THE PRESIDENT PUT HIM
IN CHARGE OF OUTER SPACE. BUT IT WAS TOO MUCH OF A GOOD
THING WHEN LYNDON ALSO SADDLED HIMWITH SUPERVISION OF THE
UNDERSEA EXPLORATION PROGRAM.
IN THE NAVY, WE CALLED THAT "GIVING / EM THE DEEP SIX."
BUT I'M NOT GOING TO PICK ON OUR VICE PRESIDENT.
BECAUSE / THINK HE GETS ENOUGH OF THAT needling LATELY FROM HIS
BERALD FORD LIBRARY
-5-
OLD FRATERNITY THE ADA SOMETIMES KNOWN AS THE AMERICANS
FOR DEMOCRATIC ACTION.
AFTER ALL HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF EVERY TIME YOU
OPENED YOUR MOUTH PEOPLE STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE
CREDIBILITY GAP.
LYNDON DOESN T LIKE THAT PHRASE "CREDIBILITY GAP."
YOU MIGHT SAY IT BUGS HIM -- AND HE DOESN'T LIKE TO BE
BUGGED ANY BETTER THAN BOBBY BAKER.
THE PRESIDENT BLAMES ME FOR CONSTANTLY CALLING PUBLIC
ATTENTION TO THE CREDIBILITY GAP IN HIS ADMINISTRATION.
SOMETIMES I TERM IT A TEXAS-SIZE CREDIBILITY CANYON. BUT
ANYHOW I SAY SUCH THINGS RIGHT OUT IN PUBLIC. FRANKLY IT
SADDENS ME TO HEAR TALES ABOUT THE THINGS LYNDON HAS SAID
ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK.
GERALD FORD LIBRARY
-6-
I WAS TOLD BY A REPORTER FRIEND NOT LONG AGO THAT WHEN
MY NAME CAME UP IN A WHITE HOUSE POW-WOW, THE PRESIDENT
SNORTED AND SAID THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH JERRY FORD
EXCEPT THAT HE PLAYED FOOTBALL TOO LONG WITHOUT A HELMET."
IT WOULD BE INAPPROPRIATE TO RESPOND IN KIND. BUT
BACK IN THE EARLY-THIRTIES WHEN I WAS WEARING A MICHIGAN
JERSEY THE PRESIDENT WAS RUNNING A NEW DEAL GIVEAWAY PROGRAM
UNDER THE BLAZING HOT TEXAS SUN -- I'LL BE FRANK TO SAY I
DON KNOW WHETHER HE WORE HIS SOMBRERO OR NOT.
FORD i LIBRARY
BESIDES
I'M RATHER PROUD OF THE LESSONS FOOTBALL
TAUGHT ME. I ENJOYED THE CHANCE TO COMPARE NOTES EARLIER
THIS EVENING WITH ARA PARSEGHIAN AND HANK STRAM. WE DIDN
T
MENTION THE MICHIGAN STATE -- NOTRE DAME GAME. BUT WE DID
DISCUSS THE BIG GAME THAT ALL THE POLITICAL FANS ARE WATCHING
IN WASHINGTON -- THE VIETNAM WAR WHICH HAS REALLY SPLINTERED
-7-
THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
ON ONE SIDE OF THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE WE HAVE THE
ADMINISTRATION SQUAD, THE GREAT SOCIETY PACKERS, AND ON THE
OTHER THEIR ARCH-RIVALS, THE KREMLIN REDS. THE STAKES ARE
PRETTY HIGH. THE HEAD COACH, ELBEE JAY, CALLS HIS BOYS
TOGETHER JUST BEFORE THE KICKOFF AND MAKES A BIG PITCH FOR
CONSENSUS.
IN THE HUDDLE, QUARTERBACK HURRYUP HUBERT CALLS THE
PLAY. AS SOON (Hall) AS HEHEARS THE SIGNAL, THE LEFT GUARD
BERALD FORD LIBRARY
ARKANSAW BILL FULBRIGHT, ACCUSES THE QUARTERBACK OF
ARROGANCE OF POWER. WHEN THE BALL IS SNAPPED, FULBRIGHT
TAKES OFF IN THE OPPOSITION DIRECTION, STILL GROUCHING.
IN THE SECOND PERIOD, LEFT END BOBBY KENNEDY SUDDENLY
STORMS FROM THE LINEUP AND ANNOUNCES TO THE STANDS THAT
HE WILL START HIS OWN GAME OF TOUCH FOOTBALL AT THE OTHER
-8-
END OF THE FIELD. ALL THE POM-POM GIRLS IN THE ROOTING
SECTION SQUEAL AND FOLLOW HIM.
AS IF THIS ISN'T ENOUGH FOR ELBEE JAY AND HURRYUP
HUBERT, ON ALMOST EVERY PLAY THE ROLLOUT LEFT HALFBACK,
WLLD WAYNE MORSE, DELIBERATELY TRIPS HIS OWN BALL CARRIER,
IRON MIKE MANSFIELD.
WHENEVER THERE'S A TIME OUT, WATER BOY ADAM CLAYTON
POWELL AMBLES ONTO THE FIELD WITH A BUCKET FULL OF SCOTCH
AND MILK.
SPEAKING OF MR. POWELL -- AND WHO ISN'T -- HE IS
SUING ME AND SPEAKER JOHN MCCORMACK TO REGAIN HIS SEAT IN
THE HOUSE.
ADAM DOESN'T PLAN TO OCCUPY THAT SEAT ANY MORE THAN
HE DID IN THE PAST, BUT IT'S SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT DOWN
LIBRARY
THERE IN BIMINI WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL BEACHES. I SAID
-9-
B-E-A-C-H-E-S.
YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT GETTING WORDS RIGHT.
EVEN THE MIGHTY NEW YORK TIMES MAKES MISTAKES. AT THE
START OF THIS SESSION THE REPUBLICAN LEADERSHIP IN THE HOUSE
INVITED ALL 59 OF OUR NEW REPUBLICANMEMBERS AND THEIR WIVES
TO A GET ACQUAINTED-WORK RETREAT IN A CONFERENCE CENTER JUST
OUTSIDE WASHINGTON, D.C.
I STOOD UP BEFORE THOSE BRIGHT NEW FACES OF THIS NEW
BROOD AND BEAMED WITH PLEASURE. WE WERE PROUD TO HAVE THIS
BROOD FOR OUR strengthen REPUBLICAN RANKS. THE NEXT MORNING THERE WAS
A STORY ABOUT IT ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEW YORK TIMES IN
WHICH THE REPORTER COMPARED ME TO A MOTHER HEN CLUCKING
OVER HER NEW BRO OD.
GERALD FORD LIBRARY
BUT THE NEWSSTORY ACTUALLY APPEARED IN THE TIMES THIS
-10-
WAY: "JERRY FORD, THE HOUSE MINORITY LEADER, WAS CLUCKING
PROUDLY OVER HIS NEW BROAD."
I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY. BUT YOU KNOW MY
WIFE BETTY DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING FUNNY АВОИТ IT AT ALL.
have quite the same print wiew and 2 hard about at
SUCH INCIDENTS MAKE A MAN'S HAIR GROW THIN.
IT'S CURIOUS HOW MUCH ATTENTION IS BEING PAID TO
HAIRSTYLES IN POLITICS NOWADAYS. WHENEVER SENATOR DIRKSEN
AND I APPEAR TOGETHER AT A NEWS CONFERENCE, THE REPORTERS
WRITE MORE ABOUT HIS COIFFURE THAN A BOUT MY COMMENT.
on hairstyle
BUT IT'S BOBBY KENNEDY 'S HAIR-DO THAT REALLY DEFIES
DESCRIPTION.
THE BEST DESCRIPTION I VEHEARD IS "A HAYSTACK IN HEAT
ALORA FORD LIBRAR
"
I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK I'M BEING OVERLY PARTISAN OR
-11-
PERSONAL THIS EVENING. I'VE HEARD THERE ARE A FEW DEMOCRATS
LEFT IN INDIANA.
I TRY TO AM MY SHAFTS EQUALLY AT REPUBLICANS, WHEN
THEY DESERVE IT.
FOR INSTANCE, THERE'S A VERY PROMINENT REPUBLICAN
FROM MY HOME STATE OF MIGHIGAN.
STRICTLY OFF THE RECORD, OF COURSE, HE'S A VERY
SLICK-HAIRED, IMPERIOUS, OPINIONATED FUGITIVE FROM THE
AUTOMOBILE INDUSTRY WHO THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING AND
IS PARTICULARLY ANNOYED BY THE PRESS.
HIS NAME ROBERT MCNAMARA.
HE FORMERLY PICKED LEMONS FOR HENRY FORD. UNFORTUNATEL)
THE RICH FORDS ARE NO RELATION OF MINE.
GERALDA
-12-
DO YOU REALIZE REALIZE/I'M M THE ONLY FORD WHO HASN 'T YET BEEN
CALLED BACK TO MICHIGAN FOR SAFETY MODIFICATIONS.
SPEAKING OF SAFETY, THE PRESIDENT HAS FINALLY SENT
CONGRESS WHATHE LABELS "SAFE STREETS" LEGISLATION.
I'M A LITTLE PUZZLED, THOUGH, WHETHER HE'S REFERRING
TO HOLDUPS AND MUGGINGS BY C ROOKS/OR HIS OWN DRIVING HABITS
ON THE HIGHWAY.
YOU CAN'T BLAME THE PRESIDENT, THOUGH, FOR WANTING A
LITTLE FUN AND RELAXATION. THINK OF THE AWFUL BURDEN HE
CARRIES. IMAGINE/ THE NAGGI NG/WORRY THAT BESETS HIM DAY AND
NIGHT.
AFTER ALL YOUR DAUGHTER ISN'T RUNNING AROUND WITH
GEORGE HAMILTON.
FORD & LIBRARY GERALD
WE MUST BE SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT THIS EVENING.
-13-
AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT, IF YOU HAVEN'T DROPPED
YOUR FEDERAL INCOME TAX PAYMENT IN THE MAILBOX, IT'S
LEAVENWORTH FOR YOU. OF COURSE, IT MAY LIE RIGHT THERE
IN THE MAILBOX FOR A WEEK OR so, THE WAY THE POSTMASTER
GENERAL, LARRY 0 BRIEN, DELIVERS THE MAIL.
BUT AFTER ALL, LARRY WASN'T CUT OUT TO BE A POSTMAN.
HIS TRADE IS DELIVERING VOTES, NOT LETTERS.
HE WANTS TO MODERNIZE THE POSTAL SERVICE, LIKE MR.
COHEN, YOUR FRIENDLY COLLECTOR OF INTERNAL REVENUE, HAS
MODERNIZED THE THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE. WE MUST HAND IT TO
COHEN 08 HE'S THE MOST EFFICIENT MASS PICKPOCKET OF THE
ELECTRONIC AGE.
GERALD FORD LIBRARY
AND HE NEVER STOPS EXPERIMENTING. DOWN IN TUCSON,
ARIZONA, RECENTLY, THEY SHOWED ME A NEW WRINKLE. A DRIVE-IN
-14-
WINDOW TO PAY YOUR FEDERAL INCOME TAX. IF YOU HAVEN'T
ENOUGH CASH, JUST LEAVE YOUR CAR.
Bur Revenue Internal
BUT, CHEER UP. LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF IT. THE
FASTER TAXES GO UP AND THE HIGHER PRICES GET, THE SOONER
WE'LL ALL BECOME ELIGIBLE FOR THE POVERTY PROGRAM.
BESIDES, WHO NEEDS MONEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THE GREAT SOCIETY
DOLLAR.
"CONFIDENTIALLY, IT SHRINKS!"
INFLATION, YOU KNOW. IT'S A VERY COMPLEX SUBJECT. IT
DOESN'T REALLY REFER TO THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TWIGGY AND
JAYNE MANSFIELD. INFLATION, YOU MIGHT SAY, IS WHEN PEOPLE
WHO HAVE SAVED UP FOR A RAINY DAY REALLY GET SOAKED.
GERALD FORD LIBRARY
STILL, THE GREAT SOCIETY WILL PROBABLYLOOK AFTER
-15-
EACH OF US.
BACK WHEN LBJ WAS WEARING HIS SOMBRERO AND I MY
FOOTBALL HELMET, THERE WAS A GREAT COMEDY CALLED "YOU
CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU."
THE BROADWAY HIT SHOW TODAY IS CALLED "YOU CAN'T
EVEN HAVE IT HERE."
social
WE USED TO HEAR ABOUT FABIAN SOCIALISM AND SECURITY
FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT BECOME
New-Onleans
OF FABIAN, ALTHOUGH HE MIGHT TURN UP IN GARRISON S FAIRY TALE
IN NEW ORLEANS. BUT RIGHT NOW/THE WASHINGTON BUREAUCRATS
new
ARE PLANNING TO ADD A PROGRAM CALLED FOLLOW-THROUGH -- -- IT
WILL FOLLOW AFTER HEAD START.
FORD is LIBRARY 07V830
THEN AFTER THAT, WE LL HAVE CARRY-IN, HURRY-UP,
LET-DOWN, DROP-DEAD, AND TOMB-CARE. AND AFTER/THAT WHO CARES.
-16-
so, THAT WRAPS IT UP FOR TONIGHT. MAY I RESPECTFULLY
ADDRESS ONE FINAL WORD TO THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES. GOODNIGHT GEORGE, GOODNIGHT DICK, GOODNIGHT ROCKY,
GOODNIGHT RONNY, GOODNIGHT CHUCK, AND GOODNIGHT HAROLD
STASSEN, WHEREVER YOU ARE.
FORD is LIBRARY
Bey-Joh
After hearing that introduction, it's blour in/my mind
X
that this is not Ford Country
It's also interesting to
note that your roastmaster plans to leave town immediately
after the dinner. The only thing that can stop him is a
federal law against the interstate shipment of toxic gas....
no
I understand that he's going to have his own newscast in
Milwaukee, a development which certainly indicates that
Milwaukee isn't serious about ending its air pollution
problem
When the wind's from the north during one of
John's newscasts, they'll have to evacuate the asthmatic
children from Waukegan, Wilmette and Evanston.
I also would like to make it clear that--no matter what
John tells you Mike Carmichael didn't locate this Ford at
ok
X
the showrooms of Low Overhead Jordan. He actually got me
by trading in a slightly used George Hinkle.
I stopped in at Mike's home earlier this evening and
oh
now I'm sure he'll never be a candidate for President. He
X
couldn't bear the thought of having to move into a smaller
house.
When I flew into South Bend this afternoon, I couldn't
help but notice the economic progress you're making. After
oh
X
all this time, you're finally getting a genuine saloon in
will
the airport terminal building. Now you good people are going
Lay be able to get high before you get on an airplane.
I have been informed that it took special legislation
to get a liquor license for your airport. This was a
oh
difficult job and I want to congratulate your Democrat
legislators who worked so hard on this project. They didn't
get you a medical school or a state park or property tax
FORD is LIBRARY GERALD
ford/ gridiron/ page 2
relief but by golly you'll now be able to get a shot and a
you the now
beer before you board a Lake Central flight for Indianapolis
Without a medical school, people are going to get sick.
But with your new liquor license, they'll be able to get sick
and enjoy it.
Before the dinner someone told me that your state
no
representative Dick Bodine put together a medical school
bill based on a blue ribbon committee. And then the
Governor turned Bodine's blue-ribbon into a noose.
You know, the Kennedys used to run for office on the
slogan, "More for Massachusetts." This same theme is going
oh
to be used by Dick Bodine when he runs for GOvernor. Only
when you Consider his record, the slogan is going to have
to be changed from "More for Massachusetts" to "Less for
Mishawaka."
Speaking of Mishawaka, I've been to a number of Gridiron
Dinners and this is the first time I've ever seen a member
of the opposite sex at the headtable. It certainly was a
marvelous experience to meet your Mayor Maggie Prickett
since she is effective, efficient and, best of all, Republican.
no
But I wonder if her appearance here doesn't set some sort of
precedent. The next thing you know, the National Gridiron
Club will have to make room at the headtable for Governor
Wallace of Alabama
or for the holder of this nation's
second highest office, Mrs. Lyndon B. Johnson.
I was disappointed that your State Senator Bob Mahowald
(Ma-ho-wald) isn't here tonight. Someone told me he's
no
vacationing in the Vatican.
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ford/ gridiron/ page 3
Driving through town, I noticed that all of your Demo-
crats running for mayor have campaign offices in the Pick-
Oliver Hotel. This isn't a coincidence. The hotel manage-
ment wanted these candidates to move in. That's because
right after the primary, the hotel is going to be torn down
and the hotel people know there's nothing easier to tear
apart than a Democratic platform.
I noticed that outside Gene Pajakowski's headquarters
is a doormat that looks exactly like Paul Krueper. If you
try to wipe your feet on it, you cut your ankles on the
knives.
I'm glad that Mayor Allen is here tonight. He's done
no
a terrific job. And I think his great work has been proven
by the fact that he's unopposed in the Republican primary.
The fact that he has no opposition is a real blessing for
Lloyd. It gives him time to prepare for the fall campaign
by studying Polish. Lloyd feels that if there are going
to be any campaign debates this fall, he wants his opponent
to understand everything he has to say.
It's also a pleasure to be at the headtable with your
distinguished Governor, one of the greatest assets we Repub-
licans have ever had
Speaking of Republican assets, it's too bad Senator
Bayh couldn't be with us tonight. I understand he did a
great job here a year ago. I guess the highlight was his
blistering attack on Homer Capehart. I've heard of bad
losers before, but this is the first time I ever heard of
a bad winner.
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ford/ gridiron/ page 4
Despite our political differences, I must say a kind
word about your congressman--that well-known, dynamic
young man, Congressman
What's-His-Name?
As a former football player, I enjoyed the opportunity
to visit with Ara Parseghian and Hank Stram. Even though
X
I happen to be from Michigan, I didn't mention the last
gl
five minutes of the Michigan State-Notre Dame game. I
understand Ara was just trying to force the game into over-
time. AA lso heard that Coach Stram is here to get some
advice on running out the clock against Green Bay--and he
wants to do it right after the opening kickoff.
From the price of the tickets to this dinner, I'd say
that South Bend is the only place in the country where
oh
we're winning the War on Poverty. It's hard to believe the
Press Club could find 600 men with $17.50 to spare on the
due day for the federal income tax.
FORD 3 LIBRARY 978839
Date ?
4/17/67
SOUTH BEND GRIDIRON DINNER
1967
After hearing that introduction, obviously I'm not in
Ford Country.
But no matter what John tells you, Mike Carmichael didn't
locate this Ford at the showrooms of Low Overhead Jordan. Actually,
he got me by trading in a slightly used George Hinkle.
I stopped in at Mike's home earlier this evening. I'm
certain he'll never run for President of the United States. He
couldn't bear the thought of moving into a smaller house.
When I arrived from Washington, I couldn't help but notice
the economic progress you're making -- you're finally getting a
genuine saloon at the airport terminal. I'm told this took very
special effort by your Democratic legislators, even thoughtthey
couldn't get you a medical school. Well, never mind, if you have
to wait long enough at the airport you'll think Ameriwan Airlines
is Alcoholics Anonymous.
It's always a pleasure to be in South Bend. I can say
that with a smile since I never had the sad experience of being
FORD is LIBRARY 0.76839
-2-
clobbered on the gridiron by the Fighting Irish. A long time ago,
back when the "ball was round", I played some football at Ann
Arbor -- but even then South Bend was known as the home of the
fighting Irish.
Of course, that was before Bobby Kennedy came to Washington --
New York's newest Senator to square off with LBJ.
I don't mean Bobby spends all his time fighting. After all,
he just became a father for the tenth time.
Bobby doesn't really hate Lyndon Johnson, effher. Sometimes
they agree 100%. For example, Bobby didn't think Lyndon should be
Vice President and Lyndon didn't think Bobby should be Vice President.
It's fair to assume they feel the same way about who should be President.
Maybe you haven't heard the newest Washington scuttlebutt
since all the television news you've been getting lately has been from
Chet Huntley and other strikebreakers, but Senator Kennedy has been
recovering from very painful surgery.
It's a well-kept secret, but after Bobby swore on a stack
FORD is LIBRARY 9ERALD
of Bibles that he isn't running for President, they rushed him
-3-
him off to the hospital.
run
To get his fingers crossed.
Vice President Numphrey says he isn't running $ President, either.
But he might, if he could find someone to second his nomination.
Hubert is a nice guy, though, and a hardworking No. 2. His
big problem - - No. 1 tries ever harder.
Hubert didn't mind so much when the President put him in charge
of Outer Space. But, it was too much of a good thing when Lyndon
also saddled him with supervision of the Undersea Exploration program.
In the Navy, we called that "giving""em the Deep Six."
But, I'm not going to pick on our Vice President, because I
think he get enough of that lately from his old fraternity, the
ADA, sometimes known as the Americans for Democratic Action.
After all, how would you like it if every time you opened
your mouth people started talking about the Credibility Gap?
Lyndon doesn't like that phrase, "Credibility Gap". You
might say it bugs him -- and he doesn't like to be bugged any
better than Bobby Baker.
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The President blames me for constantly calling public attention
to the Credibility Gap in his administration. Sometimes I term it
a Texas-size Credibility Canyon. But, anyhow, I say such things right
out in public. Frankly, it saddens me to hear tales about the things
Lyndon has said about me hehind my back.
I was told by a reporter friend not long ago that when my
name came up in a White House pow-wew, the President snorted and
said" There's nothing wrong with Jerry Ford except that he played
football too long without a helmet."
It would be inappropriate to respond in kind. But, back in
the early-Thirties when I was wearing a Michigan jersey the President
was running a New Deal giveaway program under the bhazing hot Texas
sun -- I'll be frank to say I don't know whether he wore his sombrero
or not.
Besides, I'm rather proud of the lessons football taught me.
I enjoyed the chance to compare notes earlier this evening with Ara
Paraeghian and Hank Stram. We didn't mention the Michigan State-
FORD
Notre Dame game. But we did discuss the Big Game that all the
LIBRARY
political fans are watching in Washington - the Vietnam War which
- 5 -
has really splintered the Democratic Party.
On one side of the line of scriumage, we have the Administration
squad, the Great Society Packers, and on the other their arch-rivals,
the Kremlin Reds. The stakes are pretty high. The head coach, Elbee
Jay, calls his boys together just before the kickoff and makes a
big pitch for consensus.
In the huddle, quarterback Hurryup Hubert calls the play.
As soon as he hears the signal, the Left Guard, Arkansaw Bill Fulbright,
accuses the quarterback of arrogance of power. When the ball is
snapped, Fulbright takes off in the opposite direction, still grouching.
In the second period, Left End Bobby Kennedy suddenly storms
from the lineup and announces to the stands that he will start his
own game of touch football at the other end of the field. All the
pom-pon girls in the rooting section squeal and follow him.
As if this isn't enoughtfor Elbee Jay and Hurryup Hubert,
on almost every play the rollout left halfback, Wild Wayne Morse,
deliberately
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trips his own ball carrier, Iron Mike Mansfield.
Whenever there's a time out, water boy Adam Clayton Powell ambles
onto the field with a bucket full of Scotch and milk.
Speaking of Mr. Powell - and who isn't -- he is suing me,and
Speaker John McCormack to regain his seat in the House.
Adam doesn't plan to occupy that seat any more than he did in the
past, but it's something to think about down there in Bimini with his
beautiful beaches. I said b-e-a-c-h-e-s.
You have to be careful about getting words right. Even the mighty
NEW YORK TIMES makes mistakes. At the start of this session the Republican
leadership in the House invited all 59 of our new Republican members and
their vives to a get acquainted-work retreat in a conference center just
outside Washington, D. C.
I stood up before those bithhe new faces of this new brood and beamed
with pleasure. We were proud to have this brood for our Republican ranks.
The next morning there was a story about it on the front page of the
NEW YORK TIMES in which the reporter compared me to a mother hen clucking
over her new brood.
GERALO FORD LIBRARY
- 7 -
But the newsstory actually appeared imthe TIMES this way: "Jerry
Ford, the House Minority Leader, was clucking proudly over his new BROAD."
I thought that was pretty funny. But you know, my wife Betty didn't
see anything funny about it.at all.
Such incidents make a man's hatr grow thin.
It's curious how much attention is being paid to hairstyles in
politics nowadays. Whenever Senator Dirksen and I appear together at a
news conference, the reporters write more about his coiffure than about
my comment.
But it's Bobby Kennedy's hair-do that really defies description.
The best description I've heard is "a haystack in heat."
I hope you don't think I'm being overly partisan or personal this
evening. I've heard there are a few Democrate left in Indiana.
I try to aim my shafts equally at Republicans, when they deserve it.
For instance, there's a very prominent Republican from my home
state of Michigan.
Strictly off the record, of course, he's a very slick-haired
FORD
GERALD
LIBRARY
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imperious, opinionated fugitive from the automobile industry who thinks
he knows everything and is particularly annoyed by the press.
Hisname -- Robert McNamara.
He formerly picked lemons for Henry Ford. Unfortunately the
rich Fords are no relation of mine.
Do you realize I'm the only Ford who hasn't yet been called
back to Michigan for safety modifications.
Speaking of safety, the President has finally sent Congress
what he labels "Safe Streets" legislation.
I'm a little phzzled, though, whether he's referring to holdups
and muggings by crooks or his own driving habits on the highway.
You can't blame the President, though, for wanting a little
fun and relaxation. Think of the awful burden he carries. Imagine
the nagging worry that besets him day and night.
How feel if
After all, your daughter ion X running around with George Hamilton. ?
We must be serious for a moment this evening.
At the stroke of midnight, if you haven't dropped your Federal
income tax payment in the mailbox, it's Leavenworth for you.
Of course, it may lie
GERALD R. FORD LIBRARY
- 9. -
right there in the mailbox for a week or so, the way the Postmaster General
Larry O'Brien delivers the mail.
But after all, Larry wasn't cut out to be a postman. His trade
is delivering votes, not letters.
He wants to modernize the Postal Service, like Mr. Cohen, your
friendly Collector of Inernal Revenue, has modernized the Internal Revenue
Service. We must hand it to Cohen -- he's the most efficient mass
pickpocket of the electronic age.
And he never stops experimenting. Down in Tucson, Arizona,
recently, they showed me a new wrinkle: a drive-in window to pay your
federal income tax. If you haven't enough cash, just leave your car.
But, cheer up. Look at the bright side of it. The faster taxes
go up and the higher prices get, the sooner we'll all become eligible
for the Poverty program.
Besides, who needs money?
o
You know what they say about the Great Society dollar?
Confidentially, it shrinks!"
GERALD
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- 10 - -
Inflation, you know, it's a very complex subject. It doesn't
really refer to the difference between Twiggy and Jayne Mansfield.
Inflation, you might say, is when people who have saved up for a raint
day really get seaked.
Still, the Great Society will probably look after each of us.
Back when LBJ was wearing his sombrero and I my football helmet,
there was a great comedy called "You Can't Take It With You."
The Broadway hit show today is called "You Can't Even Have It
Here."
We used to hear about Fabian Socialism and security from the
cradle to the grave. I don't know what's become of Fabian, although
he might turn up in Garrison's fairy tale in New Orleans, but right
now the Washington bureaucrats are planning to add a program called
Follow-Through it will follow after Head Start.
Then, after that, we'll have Carry-In, Hurry-Up, Let-Down,
Drop-Dead, and Tomb-Care. And after that who cares.
So, that wraps it up for togight. May I respectfully address
one final word to the next President of the United States. Goodnight
GERALL FORD LIBRARY
- 11 -
George, Goodnight Dick, Goodnight Rocky, Goodnight Ronny, Goodnight
Chuck, and Goodnight Harold Stassen, wherever you are.
GORALD FORD WBRARY